To catch the prostitution ring the police set up a sting operation. In fact they released the hornets.

Working in Mexico doesn't peso good.

Garry Kasparov's favourite wood is chestnut.

Is the goddess of wisdom against all we stand for?

Yes, she's an athena.

Looking for a cookbook in a grocery store? Just ask an Irishman - they know all about the Emeril Aisle.

There was an orphan boy who developed a peculiar phobia some time after his parents died: It seems the lad would go into absolute hysterics whenever he saw - get this - a group of musicians chewing fresh wintergreen sprigs!

Psychaitrists were called in, but to no avail: the docs could only explain the boy's behaviour as a fear of a band on mint.

Who did Noah hire to build his boat?

An arkitect of course!

What book did Mr. Darwin pen after a wayward finch pooped on his head?

The Origin of the Feces!

Is it true Michael J Fox did a documentary in the 1980s about starvation in Southeast Asia?

Yes, Faminy Thais.

Do skinny people generate very much garbage?

No - they have small wastes!

What the shoe company said to the Three's Company actress who wanted to run a marathon: "Joyce De Witt."

Hear about the man who was forced to go to psychaitrist after starving his pet cat?

He had a Feed-a-puss complex!

Wigmakers have the best customers - they always want toupee!

When asked for advice on mountain climbing by his Roman colleagues, Caesar replied, "K2, Brute."

Which birds are an inspiration to online punsters?

Why, the emus(e) of course!

The museum is unveiling a mural of the great Stooge's most famous quotations. Make sure to visit this fantastic Moe-say-ic.

Was Picasso into anal flossing?

Fox News is so blatantly biased. They should change the network's name to See-BS

What's the official flower of the USA?

Carnation.

Is it true that those who polish their own wood never catch veneereal disease?

It's well known that she's an avid fan of 'woodworking'. But what's Queen Elizabeth's favourite screw?

Philip's head.

When the cops showed up at the Chinese restaurant after receiving a burglary call, they were shocked at the wonton destruction.

Which president always nicknames his friends?

Dub ya!

Like movies about the Old Testament?

Three words: I 'Heart' Maccabees!

I was about to take a job as an enumerator for the government.... Thank goodness I came to my census!

The crazy man who boasted about his second penis must have had delusions of glandeur.

Funny, that J-Lo - she insists that her houses be insulated with ass-best-os!

NED: "Excuse me sir, which boat do I take to get to the gay village?"
ED: "Why sir, that's easy - just ride the fairy!"

How do educators in Japan determine whether a child is intellectually gifted?

By looking at her hai ku scores!

What a nice, genial voyeur I met the other day. I mean, he was good peephole!