Why must fraternal twins have separate fathers?

Because - it's a case of polygamete.

Do those who seek a sex change get a misterectomy?

It's hard to win an auction for a dead body on eBay. You know, because it's morbid.

The ghost of John Paul II is in a Vatican horror movie. They're calling it Pope-a-Haunt-us.

How do you educate a prostitute?

Horticulture.

Where does a German farmer keep his animal feed?

In the Barn Munch-hausen!

Does Canada import strippers from Poland?

NED: I saw Benedict kneeling over.
ED: Is he OK?
NED: Yeah he's just praying. Don't worry, everything's pope-ascetic.

Canada election prediction:
many pun-decided voters will express their Layton desires.

What should people do during an emergency if the police haven't shown up yet?

Copulate.

Why did the farmer build his waterwheel in the shade?

He figured he could make a cool mill.

NED: All my pimples are named 'Benedict XVI'...
ED: Hmm, I don't know. You shouldn't pope your zits.

NED: Was it was strange working beside the woman who had poseable breasts?
ED: Yes - it was quite the jugs-to-position!

What's a farmer's biggest nightmare?

Attila the Hen.

How do they clone dead royalty?

With a Princess Die.

Did Three's Company actor
Don Knotts suffer from early morning leg cramps?

The theatre company caused a stir when it put on a play in an STD clinic. The ensemble was accused of acting in a rash manor.

What do you say after making a video-game joke?

"No pun Nintendo'd!"

Satan sheets: what the devil sleeps in.

Most earthquakes are measured in a pretty half-assed way. I was glad to hear about the Stricter Scale.

NED: Why don't you like the official web sites for any cities in France?
ED: Because - they're the epitome of e-ville.

The guy who sipped his beers was into malt licker.

The priest left for dead in the church fire was said to have parished.

Being a chimney sweep is a plume job. It soots them just fine.

Are 'fruity' bananas afraid to come out, because of the pear pressure?

Putting down a mangy dog requires a lot a cur rage.

I met a hobo on the street who was quite contemplative. It must have been the mulled wino.

Do punsters enjoy slicing up rump roast?

You butcher ass!

Which assassin farted in a crowded theatre box?

John Wilts Booth.

NED: Did the poet really jump out a building and kill himself on the concrete?
ED: Oh no - that was a met-a-floor.