Do hermaphrodites check their shemail?

The unmarried Mafia boss was affectionately known as The Old Made.

Hear about the clone who couldn't function without his morning copy?

NED: I just got kicked in the nuts...
ED: Oh no - that's pistachiownage!

If you want to lose weight for your wedding, do it in the Spring. Because bride grows before the fall.

What do shrimp watch to get in the mood?

Prawnography!

A nasty accident is causing a road detour at this weekend's Pride Parade. So please, avert your gays.

The nun in Warsaw never suffered from Pole-lack.

What should you feed your demented, senile grandmother?

Gram crackers.

Do babies search using GooGool?

I can't stand when bread gets overcooked. I'm black-toast intolerant.

Are firefighters members of the Church of Ladder-Day Saints?

Pat and Rhain sometimes get desperate. Whenever they make puns about ungulate hoof-cleaners, for example, it's time for a gnu toe-pick.

Is the winner of a pancake-eating contest a serial crepist?

There are no good German mathematicians, because in Germany, nein = zero.

I refuse to make leek and potato soup. It's just a vichyssoise circle.

The Ancient Egyptians were very scientific in all matters. In fact they even quantified their sexual enjoyment, by keeping track of Pharoah-moan production.

NED: Guess what... I became a midget!
ED: No way! What halfened!?

I refuse to add yeast to my bread, after nein-a-leaven.

NED: My lawyer works for me, pro bono...
ED: Really!? Why, that's fee-nominal!

Pat and Rhain got beat up in Pakistan on account of their jokes. It happened in the Punjab Region.

Pigeons can't make up their minds. They're always shitting on the fence!

Hear that the Mafia is trying to lose its tough-guy image?

In fact - they're now calling it Sissily!

Do pirates get their Jollies by Rogering?

Midgets are so sensitive. You can offend them just by saying 'High!'.

NED: Remember that goodlooking amputee from last night?
ED: Yeah - she really cauterize!

If you're good at speaking French you can parlez that into a good job.

If Elton John and Albert Einstein ever got together, their undeniable chemistry would be termed a homogeneous mixture.

I once hung out on a street corner in France. I rued the day.

The chiropractor told my pregnant wife and I that our unborn child should have an adjustment. But I think he was just trying to fetus align.