Why did Britney's suicide attempt fail?

Because Kevin Fed her line.

The pothole problem is getting crater and crater.

Renegade theologians are now arguing that Jesus was, in fact, somewhat evil. After all, his mother's sister was the Auntie Christ.

NED: You know, I'm friends with some of the fattest people alive.
ED: Well, bless your good fourchin!

The Last King of Scotland was also eweslurped.

The king who was usurped by a werewolf was definitely throne for a lupus.

The two clean freaks had a sorted relationship.

Do prostitutes look up clients on quickipedia?

Puns about fish are pirhanomasia.

Sex toys go back thousands of years, even into the Mesoamericas. They were never at a loss for anal wands during the Ass tech empire.

The Norman king drove the Anglo-Saxons crazy at the Battle of Hastings. He was known as William the Bonkerer.

Did The Doors hold jamb sessions?

A prosthetic member for castrated males: a eunuchorn.

After the Tuberculosis Society held a lavish fundraising banquet, their coughers were quite full.

what does a bug sound like hitting the windshield?

Bee flat.

Crime goes up at the end of winter. When I got home the other day my house was burglarized. I said 'This is the first robbin' of spring!'

NED: Some people are 'turned on' by the strangest things.
ED: Really, how's that?
NED: Well, when I stick my hand up a cow , I feel in the mooed.

Frozen: the state of being that results from having 'big hair' in winter.

We are so paranoid about terrorists, in the Western Hamasfear.

NED: I guess I'm a pretty poor sport.
ED: Really, how's that?
NED: Well, when the coach refuses to play me, I scream like a benchee!

The punster who crossed all boundaries of decency and good taste was known as a comickaze.

The renegade Star Wars pilot lived a bachelor's life, without a wife or girlfriend. They called him Hand Solo. Occasionally he would chew 'bacco.

Is it true pigeons can have more sex, by drinking coo laid?

People say smog is a city problem, but that's not true. Like when I drive to the farm - all I see is hays.

Transatlantic zeppelins crashed so often they became known as dredgeables.

Ask any bartender in Prague to make a Brown Cow, and they won't have a kahlua what to do. Such absinthe-minded fellows!

The Gents in print again! Read about hardcore punsters in the Halifax Chronicle-Herald.

Japanese poetry is dirty. Especially when my girlfriend haikus up her skirt.

Some people think that hiphop artists are more prone to sexual assaults, but I think that's rapist.

Some people believe abortion is inevitable. They tend to be fetalists.

The woman stuck a pole up a Swedish guy's behind. That's how she got Sven aerial disease.