One-legged people are more fertile. Because crutches help them prop a gait.

The speck of dust took another speck of dust to court, for reasons of tardiness. It was a particle-u-late matter.

They made a movie about two noisy pigeon-hating roosters who went to White Castle: Herald-din Coo-mar.

Understanding quark flavours requires deep quantumplation.

When you go skydiving, it helps to down a pair o' shooters.

The Aer Lingus flight to Guan dong was commandeered by coked-up masturbators, trying to gain entry to the cock pit. They were high jackers who got upset when they looked out the window and saw no sign of a China. It ended badly when they blew each other up in the sky.

Fondling your own clone is a perv version.

If Nostradamus was a superhero, would he have had a psychic?

It's rude to confront somebody about their body odour. Except a Costa Rican.

Before integration, amputee baseball players were only allowed in the Knee Grow Leagues.

Window shopping may be fun, but shopping for windows is panes taking work.

The bodybuilding punster pumped irony.

NED: I don't take a lichen to flammable loam.
ED: What the hell are you talking about.
NED: Well - it just doesn't pass the lit moss test!
ED: Stupidest pun ever.
NED: Was it too grass for you?

To determine the sex of your baby, ultrasound technicians use status-testical analysis.

p.s. Good luck to Pun Gent Pat, as he is winging his way down to sunny Austin, Texas to compete in the 30th annual O. Henry Pun-Off!

Prison novels have their prose and cons.

What do pickpockets and political writers have in common?

One is pursecuted, the other is prose-cuted.

Hear about the Thanksgiving Movie? It was baste on a true story.

Barbecued shrimp in the springtime?

I'd krill for that.

The two lawyers had a torted affair.

Everyone seems to be moving to the Middle East. It's a case of the Bahrain drain.

When the Europeans arrived, the Indians owned all the land in North America. Amass acre was inevitable.

The Irish are easily o'ffended.

Celebrity gossip: Paris Hilton has moved to Idaho.

With climate change all over the media, can you spot a melting glacier? What's your Ice See Q?

Isn't it ironic that Mo' hammed didn't eat pork?

NED: What TV show would you like to watch. Maybe, Family Ties?
ED: Well, not if I had my 'Yothers...

The average length of time taken for a new faculty member to attain the rank of full professor at a university is around ten years.

When the donut married the roll of toilet paper, the priest said: "Be fruit-filled and multi-ply."

Pharmaceuticals is a vial industry.

I got drunk at a bar one night during a recent trip to Germany. When I woke up I was in Hanover.