South America is threatened with mass animal extinction. For example, the number of large herbivores has tapired off.

Athenians know: It's hard to douse a Greece fire.

A rather strange incident: A man went into a restaurant, asked to have his testicles greased up, and then put into a vise grip! "Because," he said to the server, "I love butter-nut squash!"

Homer was blind, which makes his 'Oughta-see' so impressive.

The bookie had an offer to quit his job to take an unusual job, using pillows to make women's brassieres. So he left the races, and got into loft-rack bedding.

Grain farmers are have-wheats.

I am the no. 1 ranked cusser in the world. That's right, I am the frigger-rater magnate.

NED: Why do so many Italians become ministers?
ED: Because they love pastor!

Trekkers love poetry - especially hikeus.

Does the Journal of Incontinence Research utilize pee-er review?

The boy went trick or treating, dressed as a soothing lotion. He was called Aloe Ian.

If you crap into a bottle of whiskey, you will go straight to heaven. After all, Jesus said "Blessed are the pooer in spirits."

The blind jazz singer had pimples. Does noticing that make me Ray cyst?

Hungry dogs act quite cur-munchin'-ly.

Do bored mountaineers embrace climb-it change?

My girlfriend teased me about building a mansion in the French Alps. I replied, "Stop it - you're asking for a Massif erection!"

The smell of farts just bowels me over.

The suspect claimed he was wrongly accused of arson'. "I am not a flamer," he said.

People don't like handgun violence, but I say give piece a chance.

When Sherlock saw the disemboweled murder victim's coiled intestines, he said to Watson, "Alimentary, my dear."

Why do proctologists become proctologists?

They felt a colon at an early age.

The fear of footnotes: aka appendix-cite-is.

You shouldn't assume that people with big hair like to give high-fives. In fact that would be a frodian slap.

I hate disco - it gives me the heeby Bee-Gees!

How do proctologists figure out how much to bill their clients?

Fecalculators.

Malcom X was unfraid to fart among white people. He simply threw Caucasian to the wind.

Colon cleansing is expensive. If you do it often, you'll end up in the poo-er hose.

My mother-in-law got her mammaries replaced by suction cups. Now whenever she leans in for a kiss, I get ma stuck to me.

I don't mind lazy people. They speak my languid. So I am sloth to criticize.

It can be dangerous to eat unskinned meat. You might end up in the more-chew-hairy.