What is Shaquille O'Neal's favourite play?

The Giant Monologues.

In fairy tale-land, if you cross a bridge, you have to pay the troll.

Autonomy for midgets? I don't believe in elf-rule!

It takes a certain type to commit infonticide.

I went to Japan, where I had a rice time. The food was great, but the wine was sake.

NED: What can I do if someone tries to stick a pacifier up my butt?
ED: Take legal action - soother ass!

In France, priests don't drink milk. It must be because they're not lait people.

During Prohibition did mice visit squeakeasies?

Communicating with the deaf is easier than learning Chinese, just ask a Signologist.

Only when the entire planet makes jokes about Billy Idol, will there be har mony.

People with verbal diarrhea produce a lot of sputum.

If you want to stop burglars, sprinkle Tide outside your door. It's a strong detergent.

NED: Did you know that arthropods have hard shells made out of glucose?
ED: No way! You've gotta be chitin me!

The lead singer of R.E.M. became a professional paid hit man. He would kill people for a moderate Stipe-end.

NED: I won't tolerate potty talk.
ED: Why not?
NED: Because, it's looed!
ED: You seem quite johndiced! You're flush with rage.
NED: I have toilet you know this.
ED: Don't be a pooer sport.
NED: Oh, now urine for it!

Philosophers often debate the nature of 'golden shower' orgies, aka epistemology.

People who sing off-key in the shower should be nerve-gassed. Only that will help the sarin-aid.

When they cloned the great communist philosopher, it was a re-Marxable achievement.

NED: Will you help me pass my French exam?
ED: Sure, no problem at all.
NED: Oh thank you. I am full of grad etude!

Look out Pakistan - there's a Musharraf in town!

Cows who produce rotten milk should be put out to pasteur.

Hear about the hobbled gynecologist, who couldn't walk anywhere without crotches?

Do native cannibals go to McDonald's and order a Mic Mac?

My friend Chad once had dimples. Now he has a florid a-ppearance, after being gored in the bush.

Modern environmentalists have a quasi-religious zeal. They're like emissionaries.

What happens to light in prism?

It bends over.

Geometer punks love graph-iti.

They're making a sequel to Braveheart, where William Wallace invents the famous Scottish kilt. The film's working title is Gonad with the Wind.

When God made Eve, he split the Adam. And on the seventh day, he went fission.

Hear about the male strippers union? They're quite well organized.