Hear about the executioner who preferred to work at night? He used gallow in the dark technology.

Midget jokes are an example of smalltzy humour. However they are but one item in our wee punnery.

I'll miss the internet. Thanks for the meme arrays.

Death row inmates with laryngitis can't speak up for themselves. Their women will want to save them, however, because they're hung like a hoarse.

There was a lineup at the women's restroom, and they were so upset there was talk of revolution, ie a queue des twats.

Hear the disturbing news? A sodomite has ass gaped from prison. Now he has entered the general population.

Lobster is Chinese food: you know, chow Maine.

Condom use can lead to asphyxia: it makes it hard to breed.

How do you surgically remove bad memories?

Get a happendectomy.

William Tell shot his son in the skull. What a bow-in-head maneuver! It made him quiver. After Tell had an unmistakable arrow tragedy around him. And he spoke with a twang.

How does Nike sell shoes to priests?

"Je su it."

I don't know if I like HD technology - I find it a bit too Bluray.

Latest from the celeb rumour mill: Josh Growban wants to stop midget advancement.

Favourite nursery rhyme of WWI 'trench foot' victims: Pus in Boots.

Are proctologists competent?

Yes, probe ably.

I woke up the other morning and there was a new fridge in my kitchen. It was like Amana from heaven.

I drank too much bouillon and now I pee soup.

It's hard to be the mayor of Sanaa - you're surrounded by Ye men.

There are no Wikipedia entries for Boxing. Because the facts are spars.

There are holes in France. Trou story.

Emails are unreliable, because they're missing the fax.

If you're in Britain and need money, don't ask an aquarium. They may lend you a few squid, but be careful: they're sharks! You're better off asking a crusty Asian, who doesn't have mussel to back himself up.

Cheerleading spectacles are a lot of pom and circumstance.

Did Henry Ford usher in the Auto-man empire?

After Pamela Anderson left Baywatch, the outlook was Bleeth.

Don't go to hotels in Iran. You'll just line the pockets of the Hyatt-toll-ah.

Does the King of Midgets rely on inchmen do to his bidding?

The Lone Ranger's sidekick always wore sandals. They called him Tantoe.

I like to stand in lineups, looking at the queued girls.