The lonely carpenter is sad when he can't get lathed.

What did the announcer scream when the wooden model of the Hindenburg burst into flames? "Oh, the mahogany!"

When the carpenter was shirking his work, using his tool in a circular arc, the foreman said "Quit plane a round!"

Garry Kasparov's favourite wood is chestnut.

I was arguing with a construction worker. We were getting bogged down in cementics.

The squad in Florida that cracks down on carpentry infractions? Miami Vise.

Speaking of woodwork, what's Queen Elizabeth's favourite screw? Philipshead.

How do they imprison criminals on the large Greek island? They use con Crete.

Those who polish their own wood never catch veneereal disease.

Christopher Plummer's career has gone down the pipes.

Did you see the Carpenters' on their wedding night? Yes I saw wood nail box.

Musical act the Loggers sure know how to strike the right timber.

The lumberjacks arguing about beer were at lagerheads.

Do you add sodium chloride during the iron smelting process? No, the Bible says thou salt not steel.

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