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Pun Gents :: Original* Puns
For older Puns of the Day, see archive. *Except where indicated, all jokes on this site were written by The Gents
09/02/10
Eating beans gives me a pulse hating headache.
    (1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink, vegetables | COMMENT »
09/01/10
Cow insults can be very hard to diss heifer.
    (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cows | COMMENT »
08/31/10
If Apple changed its name to Pumpkin, would their computer be a Hackinsquash?
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: apple, halloween, tech | 1 COMMENT »
08/30/10
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
    (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: horror, monsters, mythology, under the sea | 1 COMMENT »
08/29/10
Do race car drivers skip brake fast?
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink, racing, sports | 1 COMMENT »
08/28/10
When I think about money, I start to drool like a dog. It’s my Paylove-ian reflex.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: money, psychology, science | COMMENT »
08/27/10
The pumpkin farmer refused to raise cattle. He was afraid of being gourd.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: farming | COMMENT »
08/26/10
Do mathematicians enjoy group sets?
    (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: mathematics, sex | 1 COMMENT »
08/25/10
I can’t help but stare at large mansions, especially since my wife always tells me to watch my manors.
    (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: housing | COMMENT »
08/24/10
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: canada, celebrities, Justin Bieber | COMMENT »
08/23/10
I eat shredded cabbage with mayonnaise: I’m a slaw-biting citizen.
    (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink | 3 COMMENTS »
08/22/10
The story about the boy who had imaginary insect friends was very knew antsed.
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: insects, kids | 1 COMMENT »
08/21/10
The chef fired the waiter for disobeying hors d’oeuvres.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: occupations, restaurants, the workplace | COMMENT »
08/20/10
My cat is stupid. I’m taking him to be de-clod.
    (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: cats, surgery | COMMENT »
08/19/10
    (4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)
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| Topic: fish, prostitutes and pornography | COMMENT »
08/18/10
When two wrestlers join forces it is a called a tag team, aka a clobberation.
    (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: sports, wrestling | COMMENT »
08/17/10
When French fashion designers stopped using yellow fabrics, they were accused of jaunicide.
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: colours, fashion, france, languages | COMMENT »
08/16/10
Jesus preached his Thesis on Apiary Psychology, aka the Bee Attitudes.
    (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: bees, insects, Jesus, the bible | COMMENT »
08/15/10
Handing out entry bracelets at a concert is a safety precaution: it’s smart wrist management.
    (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy, business | COMMENT »
08/14/10
Fashion designers are wore mongers.
    (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: fashion | COMMENT »
08/13/10
Wearing a tight bathing suit can cure men’s headaches, if it contains aspeedominophen.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: fashion, medicine | COMMENT »
08/12/10
If you are at the wrong end of a chainsaw accident, try to understand. To err is hew man.
    (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: accidents, proverbs | COMMENT »
08/11/10
When the power goes out at the morgue, you end up with more goo.
    (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: death | 1 COMMENT »
08/10/10
My Russian mechanic souped up my car. Now it drives like a Borscht!
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cars, food and drink, russia | COMMENT »
08/09/10
There was a fat man who spoke in riddles. Talking to him was like entering a flabyrinth.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: fat jokes | COMMENT »
08/08/10
How does a farmer pick up women?
“Wanna ride on my barley? Let’s combine.”
They know how to a tractor!
    (1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: farming, relationships | 1 COMMENT »
08/07/10
I rent rowboats: I’m from new oar liens.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: recreation, water | COMMENT »
08/06/10
Is Rowan Atkinson’s career over yet? They should call him Mr. Been.
    (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: celebrities, comedy, mr bean | COMMENT »
08/05/10
All my friends wear hats in their profile picture. They should call it FezBook!
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| Topic: facebook, fashion, social media | COMMENT »
08/04/10
Mathematicians refuse to wear g-strings. They don’t have orthongonal values.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: fashion, mathematics | COMMENT »
08/03/10
If Sherlock Holmes was featured in a kids’ book would it have been ‘The Man in the Hat’ by Dr. Sleuth?
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: kids, literature, sherlock holmes | COMMENT »
08/02/10
People in Luxembourg are huge fans of d’Coque.
    (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: geography, luxembourg, sports | COMMENT »
08/01/10
If you’re operating a float plane in the bush, bring a flies water.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: airplanes, random | COMMENT »
07/31/10
Is there is no L on Earth, then Stalin would just be a stain.
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: history, stalin, world leaders | COMMENT »
07/30/10
It’s hard to shoe a horse. Just ask David Hasslehoof.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: celibrities, hasselhoff | COMMENT »
07/29/10
The damsel in distress rejected the gallant knight. She was out of his liege.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: relationships | COMMENT »
07/28/10
NED: I caught you heating up your own booger!
ED: So?
NED: Your goos is cooked!
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: Ned and Ed | COMMENT »
07/27/10
If you check the Internet Movie Database you’ll find many SQLs.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: tech | COMMENT »
07/26/10
I’m a educated, and I’m a man. So don’t mock ma schoolin’.
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: battle of the sexes, education, men | COMMENT »
07/25/10
Prostitutes in Krakow aren’t without screw Poles.
    (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: ethnic groups, polish jokes, prostitutes and pornography, sex | COMMENT »
07/24/10
How you inspire a man who loves sheep?
“Ewe conduit!“
    (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: bestiality, sheep | COMMENT »
07/23/10
I’m hooked on soft drinks. I have a coke can addiction.
    (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: coke, food and drink | COMMENT »
07/22/10
A fat man’s flatulence is truly flabber gas sting.
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: farts | COMMENT »
07/21/10
I wanted to go golfing but spent my day covered in dog vomit. I guess that’s barf for the curs.
    (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: bodily functions, dogs, golf, sports | COMMENT »
07/20/10
You can get never get a straight answer from an oceanographer. They just say, “it deepens.”
    (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: occupations, science, under the sea, water | 1 COMMENT »
07/19/10
When Yoko was down on her luck, her proctologist worked probe Ono.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: celebrities, proctological humour | COMMENT »
07/19/10
If you’re a woman endowed with a divine bosom, you’ve god tit made.
    (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy, battle of the sexes | COMMENT »
07/18/10
Ridley Scott couldn’t sell the set from his 1979 movie because there was a lien on it.
    (1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: movies, science fiction | COMMENT »
07/17/10
The man who hated fake politeness was so renowned, when he died they preserved him in formality hide.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: etiquette, random | COMMENT »
07/16/10
Loggers often have back problems. Usually in their lumbar area.
    (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: health, occupations | COMMENT »
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