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Pun Gents :: Original* Puns

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*Except where indicated, all jokes on this site were written by The Gents

01/28/12

The situation in Damascus is Syrias!

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01/27/12

PUN ON DEMAND: ANIMALPRACTICE

Dear Pun Gents, we’re looking for a team name for a fun curling bonspeil for veterinarians.  We are 2 large animal veterinarians and our husbands, in Northern Ontario, and we probably suck at curling more than anyone else at this event.  Animal theme with curling? Doesn’t have to be polite. ~Olivia, Sturgeon Falls, ON

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Rockroaches
  2. HardCoreVets
  3. Animalpractice
  4. Elephantastic Four
  5. Feed Em and Sweep
  6. The Cowlers
  7. Sheep Sweep
  8. Grrrlers
  9. Bull’s Eye Doctors
  10. The Neuteralizers
  11. Surgical Strikes
  12. The Horseplayers
  13. [PS - Thanks for the donation!]
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01/27/12

I offered Jell-o to Prince William, and was accused of pudding on heirs.

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01/26/12

See http://www.collegehumor.com/upick/6694928/text-puns for the inspiration behind this FB exchange b/w Pat and Rhain. Sea Pat and Rhain's Facebook puns

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01/26/12

Borrowing someone’s cereal is oatlendish behaviour.

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01/25/12

You’ll regret going to the bathroom in India when you get charged a rupee.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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01/24/12

Anyone who grows a large yam-type vegetable is in for a rutabega-ning.

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01/23/12

Pastry chefs in Roswell are known for their bake-an-alien delights

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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01/22/12

I love dropping camera crews off a cliff. There’s nothing quite like fall foleyage.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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01/21/12

Chiquita: A woman’s favourite banana.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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01/20/12

The government bill to ban alcohol was met by a chorus of booze.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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01/19/12

Brigadiers like imprisoning Bambi?

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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01/18/12

Today’s pun will be dirty. Because we don’t believe in SOPA.

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01/17/12

McDonald’s opened an ice Palace. I got so excited I danced a big mac-arena

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01/16/12

Where can you get deals on mustard? Groupoupon.

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01/15/12

I asked my family to flush the toilet for me. I believe in assisted sewagecide.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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01/14/12

After the nuclear accident, the ground seemed to glow, almost as if it had its own floor essence.

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01/13/12

I invented a new hat for babies. But I’m not quite sure how to bonnetize it.

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01/12/12

PUN ON DEMAND: IT’S HEART WORK

Dear Pun Gents, I’m doing research on the beneficial effects of exercise on the heart and need a title for a paper/presentation.  Only work appropriate puns, please. (Donation sent!) ~Kaavya, Cleveland, OH

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Ticker tape parade
  2. Get your heart on
  3. Exercise makes you heartier
  4. Exercise: a hearty meal
  5. It’s heart work
  6. You aorta know
  7. Cardi animals
  8. Ventricle treat? [trick or treat]
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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01/12/12

The police picked up the sleepy looking priest, as a parson of into-rest.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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01/11/12

I’m tired of writing Xmas greetings. Next year I’m doing mine on cardbored.

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01/10/12
A man with a frisbee for a leg got a pedicure. That is today’s toe-pick of discus-shin.
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01/09/12

Which jedi didn’t get enough sun? Wan kenobi

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01/08/12

If a Jedi master was blinded by a stick, I wouldn’t respect him a single eye Yoda.

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01/07/12

I thought I saw a river, but I was mistaken. I must be getting see nile.

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01/06/12

Which fish is easily scanned at checkout aisles? The barracoda.

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01/05/12

If Shakespeare Worked at a Hardware Store:

  • Measure for Measuring Tape
  • Two Gentlemen of a Rona
  • Taming of the Screw
  • Romeo and Juliet Balcony
  • Awl’s Well That Ends Well
  • Tight As a Door Knocker? (Titus Andronicus)
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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01/04/12

How do epic poets hijack a ship? “Prepare to be bored dead.”

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01/03/12

I can’t stand fishing in the creek. It’s way too crawdad.

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01/02/12

What’s that smell? Eurozone.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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01/01/12

I’m tired of greeting people warmly over the holla daze.

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12/31/11

It’s the end of the colander. Have funnel on new year’s sieve.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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12/30/11

Does boxing cause concussions? The evidence is spars.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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12/29/11

Australian bestiality porn is known for its high koala titty production values. Some titles include Out back and the Tasmanal Devil.  You won’t roo your purchase. Watch as much as you Canberra, dingo emus yourself. If you haven’t Adelaide in a while, don’t worry. You’ll meet a lover with a new zeal and zest.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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12/28/11

Electric cars are silent by deaf ignition.

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12/27/11

Parsimony: when someone cheats at golf and then bribes a priest for forgiveness.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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12/26/11

Good-looking women are not what they seem, in Belarus.

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12/24/11

My friend speared a midget in the eye with her new boobs. I guess that’s what happens with imp-lants.

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12/23/11

I bought a faulty bamboo toboggan from a panda. The panda ripped me off. Now I feel bamboosled.

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12/22/11

I’m thinking of buying a cat. I’ve heard cats can be finicky. In fact, the pet store said that the cat that I want only eats religiously consecrated fish — from the superorder elopomorpha. Pretty weird. So… when I get that feline, I need sectual eelings?

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)
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12/21/11

Kleptomaniac amputees take a lot of faux toes.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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12/20/11

Macchu Picchu: Where face-recognition technology was developed.

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12/19/11

I went to France and took a dump in a street. Now I’m an accused merde horreur.

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12/18/11

PUN ON DEMAND: PRESENT ABSENCE

Dear Pun Gents, a pun for a mom replying to a kid when he complains about only four presents. ~Kate, Atlanta, GA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Cad’oh! [if you are French]
  2. Don’t make me box your ears.
  3. Sorry, that’s a wrap!
  4. Look who’s stocking now.
  5. Don’t act Wise Man with me. (Hey, Jesus only got three.)
  6. Do I detect a note of Presentment?
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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12/18/11

PUN ON DEMAND: DEMONE CHILD

Dear Pun Gents, I am looking for my roller derby name.  Based on my legal name (Kim Demone), my stature (small), my place of origin (east coast-Nova Scotia), or my hockey background. ~Kim, Canmore, AB

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT

  1. Mary Timer
  2. Demone Child
  3. Nikki Nova Scotia
  4. S. Kate Blades
  5. Bladey Jane
TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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12/18/11

King Neptune never learned to ride a pike.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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12/17/11

Perrier: a Canadian fencer’s drink of choice.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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12/16/11

A wooden furniture salesman has to be patient: Teak talk, teak talk…

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12/15/11

Successful mating results in spawn attaineous combustion.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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12/14/11

When I pass the sugar, I do it violently. My nickname is the Hurry Cane.

TerriblePretty BadOKPretty GoodHilarious (3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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