You could say a lot of well-meaning things about people who jump off of buildings, but at the end of the day most of them are splatted dudes.
As a stumbling drunk threw up all over my garden one night I looked up at the sky and whispered, ‘This is truly heavin’ on earth.”
I love dropping camera crews off a cliff. There’s nothing quite like fall foleyage.
Choking on your breakfast can be eggs aspirating.
I swallowed a large pair of earrings. Can the doctors remove them? I remain hoopful.
I was wounded by a machine gun. It looks really uzi.
The necrophiliac gold-digger married a drowned corpse because she heard he was bloated.
I pulled my torso. It’s oblique situation. It’s not what I in tendoned.
Sticking your finger in a light socket is an a jolt remedy.
If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d write Oil Wells that End Well.