The doctors went lawn bowling in the middle of my surgery. Needless to say they bocce’d the procedure.
If I was trapped 69 days in a hole, I wouldn’t mine. It’s a bit too Chile on the surface.
I was wounded by a machine gun. It looks really uzi.
When my girlfriend stepped on a landmine, she became my maim squeeze.
You can tell if someone burned down their house for insurance reasons, if the smoke is bill owing.
If you get your private parts stuck in your zipper, you can call 1-800-CAUGHT-JUNK.
I accidentally got castrated before Christmas. But at least I’m off Santa’s naddy list.
The necrophiliac gold-digger married a drowned corpse because she heard he was bloated.
Every time I scrape myself, I have a big cell abrasion.
Sticking your finger in a light socket is an a jolt remedy.