NED: I dropped my jar of strawberry jam. It landed on the floor!
ED: Oh no.
NED: Now it’s busted. I wasn’t ex-pectin that.
Ned and Ed
NED: I heard your new flatmate is made of Jello?
ED: What? That’s ridiculous!
NED: Really.
ED: Those are just viscous roomers!
NED: Have you heard it through the grape vine?
ED: No, I don’t keep up with currant events.
NED: C’mon, you should be raisin your awareness!
ED: Hey – quit winin‘!
NED: I’m just trying to give you a lil’ viticulture…
ED: Aw, put a cork in it.
NED: All my pimples are named ‘Benedict XVI’…
ED: Hmm, I don’t know. You shouldn’t pope your zits.
Ned: Did your dog eat your squid?
Ed: No. It was my cat. It was an act o puss.
NED: Did you hear the pun about the sick bird?
ED: No…
NED: Well I can’t tell you.
ED: Why not?
NED: Because – it’s ill eagle.
NED: I caught you heating up your own booger!
ED: So?
NED: Your goos is cooked!
NED: I’ve got a shameful scientific confession.
ED: What’s that?
NED: Well, I’ve been dabbling in…
ED: What is it?
NED: Well, it’s reverse-life-cycle cloning…
ED: What??
NED: Yes. Reverse-life-cycle cloning. I can’t bear the guilt any more…
ED: For god’s sake, man – get an old of yourself!
NED: I cut my leg. It’s bleeding.
ED: Quick, get a bandage.
NED: I can’t. I don’t believe in gauze.
ED: Huh?
NED: It’s true. I am ragnostic.
NED: Did you know that arthropods have hard shells made out of glucose?
ED: No way! You’ve gotta be chitin me!