When he was a young man Fidel Castro went to a Cuban psychic and asked if she could tell anything about him. The old woman looked at Fidel closely and declared, “You should avoid alcohol at all costs. Because when you are drunk I predict that you will make waves, overthrow governments, and stir up revolution!” She pointed at him, “So do not, under any circumstances, become inebriated!”

Well, El Commandante was put off. This was ridiculous:

“Me, a drunken revolutionary?” he replied, “that’s preposterous!” And he pointed a finger back, “Ma’am, you are a crook and a charlatan. Why, I don’t even believe in stupor-sedition!”

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When reporters asked Pierre Trudeau if his carpet would ever match his drapes, he replied “Just swatch me!”

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Barack Obama is much younger than his Republican rival. He was recently quoted as declaring, “I don’t need my cane as president!”

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The municipal government decided to withdraw funds from their lawnbowling leagues, and hold a massive city-wide orgy instead. Needless to say, the associations of elderly lawnbowlers protested this senseless act of de-bocce-ry.

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