Lance Armstrong felt better after appearing on Oprah. She gave him performance-enhancing hugs. Nonetheless, Lance committed male fraud: He was master of the pellets-on. Somehow he never failed his testes—he didn’t stop until he had one. Now, stripped of his Tour titles, the most shocking revelation is that Lance has a No Jersey accent. Anyway I guess it’s back to eating Sheryl Crow. [The Gents thank Ashley, Bryan and Jordan for collaborating on today’s puns!]
The angry mob tortured the newspaper editor by cooking him inside a Rose of Mohammed. It was the dark days – of the Danish Imposition.
50 Shades of Grey made me puke up my lunch – in fact it gave me a reading disorder. Whoever wrote it is ill literate.
Plastic fruit will be banned at the upcoming G8/20 summits in Toronto. Officials have to secure the pear-imitator.
It was recently discovered that spearfishers are gay. Because they Lance Bass.
A new sovereign nation has appeared quite Sudanly.
In Macauley Culkin’s latest film, Home Loan: everyone know which villains are at default. There’s a celebration for Wall Street bankers, and they catch the bad guys at a subprime party.
When Obama makes decisions he is unduly influenced by his Boehner.
If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d write Oil Wells that End Well.