Divorce really de-vow-ues marriage.
Tiger Woods’ career has philandered.
I can’t stand my spouse’s family and she can’t stand mine. We’re kin dread souls.
My relatives tend to be thin except for my distend cousins.
I’m being set up with this girl who really loves the metric system. I can’t wait to metre!
Just before getting married, women may ask their fiancés to get a preen-up.
Do Ms. Minelli’s ex-husbands all get together and play Liza tag?
When my girlfriend stepped on a landmine, she became my maim squeeze.
My girlfriend had feet where there should have been nipples. Just thinking about her makes me hungry for TosTitos.
My friend warned me about getting into a love triangle with acute guy. She said “What’s his angle? He seems really shallow, and something about him just isn’t right.” She told me to stop being obtuse. “When I first looked at him isosceles written all over him,” she said. Turns out she was right: I’m no longer scalene the heights of love. I need to do a complete 180.