11/06/2019

Lance Armstrong felt better after appearing on Oprah. She gave him performance-enhancing hugs. Nonetheless, Lance committed male fraud: He was master of the pellets-on. Somehow he never failed his testes—he didn’t stop until he had one. Now, stripped of his Tour titles, the most shocking revelation is that Lance has a No Jersey accent. Anyway I guess it’s back to eating Sheryl Crow. [The Gents thank Ashley, Bryan and Jordan for collaborating on today’s puns!]

(10 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

09/07/2019

My friend took joint ownership in a grow-op, out in the Hempsteads. The place had gone to weed and needed grass, but after applying some THC–tender hearted care–it looked spliffy in no time.

(4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

07/01/2019

What did one meth addict say to the other? Let’s be frenzy.

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

06/22/2019

As an art buff, I’m always hopped up on sedatives. Life is more anaesthetically pleasing that way.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

05/18/2019

Feeling lazy and depressed? Tricycline.

(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

03/10/2019

Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed.

(19 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5)

03/06/2019

The value of medicinal marijuana is a bit doobious. It shouldn’t be token seriously. Don’t get your nose out of joint, but there is a lot of spliffy new research that says so—420 new papers a year.

Breaking (Wind) News!

Check out Pat’s performance at the 2009 O. Henry Pun-Off:

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

02/26/2019

When Rob Ford came back it was like ‘Release the Crackin!‘

(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)

02/25/2019

In a bizarre experiment to cure drug addicts, they fed them stimulants that made them feel obese and cranky, aka amfatandmeans.

(2 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)

02/08/2019

It’s easier to fake a drug test than urea lies.

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)