Advil helps me edit my essays. I B proofin’.
Did you hear about the remake of the classic Star Wars film? It was set inside the Drug Enforcement Administration, and it was called The Hemp Pyre: Strike Match.
The drug to make statistics courses less painful? ANOVACaine.
Pharmaceuticals is a vial industry.
Lance Armstrong felt better after appearing on Oprah. She gave him performance-enhancing hugs. Nonetheless, Lance committed male fraud: He was master of the pellets-on. Somehow he never failed his testes—he didn’t stop until he had one. Now, stripped of his Tour titles, the most shocking revelation is that Lance has a No Jersey accent. Anyway I guess it’s back to eating Sheryl Crow. [The Gents thank Ashley, Bryan and Jordan for collaborating on today’s puns!]
My friend took joint ownership in a grow-op, out in the Hempsteads. The place had gone to weed and needed grass, but after applying some THC–tender hearted care–it looked spliffy in no time.
What did one meth addict say to the other? Let’s be frenzy.
As an art buff, I’m always hopped up on sedatives. Life is more anaesthetically pleasing that way.
Feeling lazy and depressed? Tricycline.
Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed.