My dad tried to fuel his car with Viagra. Erected pretty bad. Though I also heard the AAA is trying to pass off Viagra as fuel. I think they’re stiffing their members with that one! The cops pulled me over and said ‘Here, penis cup.’ Also, Viagra has a new celebrity spokesman. That’s right: Randy Johnson.

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Another update from South America’s War on Drugs:

After years of kidnappings, brutal assassinations and jungle warfare, suddenly an olive branch! Guerrillas from the Medellin drug cartel have actually been invited to recite Cocaine Poetry at a Colombian state banquet. Many law-abiding citizens, however, are upset at this diplomatic contra-verse-y.

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