The BBQ joint was held up. What a braisin’ act.
My friend Amy gained weight by eating her husband! They charged her with Big Amy.
Who was the murderer in Celebrity Clue? A: Reese, Witherspoon.
If you shoot someone in the eye you might not kill them, but you might give them Glock coma.
NED: Hear about the mafioso loan shark who killed the Swede?
ED: Really? He must have had a Sven debtor!
I stole a ladder. I know–It was a rung thing to do.
Did you hear about the remake of the classic Star Wars film? It was set inside the Drug Enforcement Administration, and it was called The Hemp Pyre: Strike Match.
Hear that the Mafia is trying to lose its tough-guy image?
In fact – they’re now calling it Sissily!
My grandfather once shoplifted a popular video game. Years later, they tracked me down and said “You shall pay for The Sims of your forefathers.“