I stole a ladder. I know–It was a rung thing to do.
Did you hear about the remake of the classic Star Wars film? It was set inside the Drug Enforcement Administration, and it was called The Hemp Pyre: Strike Match.
Hear that the Mafia is trying to lose its tough-guy image?
In fact – they’re now calling it Sissily!
My grandfather once shoplifted a popular video game. Years later, they tracked me down and said “You shall pay for The Sims of your forefathers.“
NED: I was arrested for committing lewd acts atop a dolphin!
ED: Really?! Are you guilty?
NED: No way! Even though they caught me, there was a misunderstanding.
ED: Are you saying you didn’t do it on porpoise?
It takes a certain type to commit infonticide.
My sister is marrying an organ thief. She says she wants a man after her own heart, someone who can de-liver her from her troubles, and who’ll take care of her two little kidneys after she’s gone.
As for me, I married a woman who had her face surgically removed. For love no nose limits.
All political speechwriters should be sentenced to death by electoral-elocution.
There was a man arrested for throwing hot coffee in people’s faces. The police report noted ‘the suspect made use of brewed force‘.
People who sing off-key in the shower should be nerve-gassed. Only that will help the sarin-aid.