How much mass does it take to smother an elderly woman?

Just one kilogram. But the guilt weighs heavily.

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NED: I’ve got a shameful scientific confession.
ED: What’s that?
NED: Well, I’ve been dabbling in…
ED: What is it?
NED: Well, it’s reverse-life-cycle cloning…
ED: What??
NED: Yes. Reverse-life-cycle cloning. I can’t bear the guilt any more…
ED: For god’s sake, man – get an old of yourself!

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The municipal government decided to withdraw funds from their lawnbowling leagues, and hold a massive city-wide orgy instead. Needless to say, the associations of elderly lawnbowlers protested this senseless act of de-bocce-ry.

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