Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. “Ate dudes, Bruté?”
Wide men can’t jump.
When the rain fell on our heads it was like glorious piss. So I quoted Shakespeare, saying “The sky is a most excellent can o’ pee.”
Why did Laertes place tariffs on foreign bookcases?
Because Polonius advised him, “This above all else: to thine home shelf be true!“
When I saw a wicker furniture outlet in Copenhagen, I knew there was something ratan in the state of Denmark.
Do leafy vegetables give you gas?
Yes, to misquote the Latin proverb, arsest celery fart ’em.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when Dorothy spilled beer on her?
“I’m malting!…. I’m malting!“
Why did Socrates always keep his dough yeast-free until inspection?
Because the unexamined loaf is not worth leaven.
NED: I believe Homeland Security depends on two things:
ED: What’s that?
NED: First, honouring our sheep, and second, constipating our pigeons.
NED: Yes! Everyone knows that ewe-knighted we stand, while dove-voided we fall.
We all know about his famous bath, but what did Archimedes say his first time before a urinal?
“Urethra! I’ve found it!”