Any recommendation to sleep with a midget just doesn’t stand up to screw tiny.

Little people want to get to heaven. Alas, mini are called but few are chosen.

I met a little person in hell.  He was a demonutive fellow.

I tried to make a living selling shoe inserts to little people. It was an un midget gaited disaster.

Dear Pun Gents, I am having a party and am having a little person serve “odwarfs” and beverages. I need a pun for when he is asking if anyone needs a drink. He will be wearing a large sombrero filled with chips. ~Jason, Kansas City, MO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. No drinks. But do you have anything two feet on?
2. Shrimp Cocktail
3. Coffee w/ half and half and Sweet N Low
4. Smurf Martini
5. Vodka. Just a squirt.

A very rich and famous dwarf passed away recently. He was low dead.

Midget HQ is in the sMall of America.

We believe in rights for midgets, and vigorously defend their freedom of reach.

How can you tell if a midget is blind?

He’s low in the dark.

A midget psychaitrist, aka a shrunk.

First words from a midget alien: “Take me to your ladder.”

Don’t overburden a midget. If he carries too much weight he’s liable to imp load.

THE PUNOFF HAS BEEN MOVED INDOORS DUE TO THE WEATHER. THE WEBCAST MAY BE AFFECTED.

Some midgets are underachievers. Their minds go to waist.

Why can’t midgets be killed?

Because—they aren’t more tall beings.

Why is the fear of midgets the cure for all fears?

Because - it’s gno-mo-phobia!

What does a midget yell on a rollercoaster?

“Wee!”

Dwarf infomercial: “Wait, that’s not tall!“

Which African country is populated by pygmies?

S’malia!

Which linguist is a midget-eating cannibal?

Gnome Chompsky.

NED: I got into an argument with a midget today.
ED: Really?
NED: Yeah, we just didn’t see thigh-to-eye.

When the dwarf stopped the cattle stampede in its tracks, everyone called it a miracle. “He’s done the imp-pause-a-bull,” they said.

Hear about the Scottish dwarf who owned a microbrewery, and was also a vampire?

They called him Plaid the Imp Aler.

What the hungry dwarf said when offered a side of pork:

“Pig me!”