Don’t let a pair of little people make soup. Two mini cooks spoil the broth.
Hideous mutants rarely eat together. There is no such thing as a freak lunch.
Why did Laertes place tariffs on foreign bookcases?
Because Polonius advised him, “This above all else: to thine home shelf be true!“
Why is revenge a dish best served cold?
Because, it’s just ice.
NED: I believe Homeland Security depends on two things:
ED: What’s that?
NED: First, honouring our sheep, and second, constipating our pigeons.
NED: Yes! Everyone knows that ewe-knighted we stand, while dove-voided we fall.
Why are bovines well-behaved in pottery stores?
Because they are likable in a china shop!
Man cannot live on bread alone?
As the Beatles famously sang, ‘All You Need Is Loaf’.
NED: St Patrick’s day is 10 months away. Should I work on my Irish accent?
ED: No, if it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.
Are most cabbies dangerous drivers? Like the old saying goes – nothing’s certain but death in taxis.