The state of emergency may be over, but the President’s dictatorship in Pakistan remains Pervez-ive.

Autonomy for midgets? I don’t believe in elf-rule!

When they cloned the great communist philosopher, it was a re-Marxable achievement.

Look out Pakistan - there’s a Musharraf in town!

My friend Chad once had dimples. Now he has a florid a-ppearance, after being gored in the bush.

For those who criticize socialized medicine: ICU in Hell.

The vote for electoral reform came up MMP.

The embattled Russian emperor was thrown into a ditch. Upon being pulled out, he remarked, “I am not a fan of Czar chasm.”

NED: Does Ontario have electile dysfunction?
ED: If they do, it’s because political support is softening.

President Bush once took off his socks and spread out his pedal phalanges in Congress. He was criticized for abusing his ‘V’-toe.

Fight the Mujahideen? So viet.

In Russia, militant fans of punk music walk around with Clashnikovs. Their enemies fight back with Sex Pistols. At the end of the battle there are loud Ramones of pain. And blood is Ozzying from everywhere.

Which disease devastated Russia for centuries?

CZARS.

NED: Will Schwarzenegger be re-elected in California?
ED: Yes - he’s the two-terminator

My Soviet-made car never worked. It had a Lada problems. It was a Lenin. It kept Stalin; I would always have to use my feet, and Trotsky to work - and that is total Bolshevik!

The newly-elected mayor was a midget, practised in the art of smallitics.

Castro is getting rid of his nation’s humiliating food lineups. “Because,” he explained, “we are Queue-ban.”

This war Is Rael. It’s Syrias. As for the Lebanese militia, I really don’t cedar point. It Hezbollahshit written all over it; like I Tel my friend Aviv, they don’t Haifa chance. Their leader’s a joke too - I heard the Gaza Strip-club owner (got a loan from the West Bank). I think the terrorists should make love, not war. You know - Hamas Sutra. So hey Mistah Taliban - thanks for Sharon - but go fly Al-Qaeda!

War on Terror prisoner scandals? Man, shit keeps hitting the fan down in Cuba. They should call it One Mo’ Ton O’ Guano Bay.

Which Canadian political party is prone to fits of self-indulgent prattling?

The Blog Quebecois.

Mr. Mucus ran for governor. He was extremely boogernatorial.

Presidential Pancake Advisor, Karl Shrove, always waffled on the issues. He was always out checking his Blueberry.

Canada election prediction: many pun-decided voters will express their Layton desires.

The blind man protesting outside the White House was brailling against authority.

The former secretary-general of the United Nations always enjoyed a ‘double-double’ coffee. In fact they called him Sucrose-Sucrose Ghali.

Bush re-elected in 2008? What a load of shrubbish!

The municipal government decided to withdraw funds from their lawnbowling leagues, and hold a massive city-wide orgy instead. Needless to say, the associations of elderly lawnbowlers protested this senseless act of de-bocce-ry.

When he was a young man Fidel Castro went to a Cuban psychic and asked if she could tell anything about him. The old woman looked at Fidel closely and declared, “You should avoid alcohol at all costs. Because when you are drunk I predict that you will make waves, overthrow governments, and stir up revolution!” She pointed at him, “So do not, under any circumstances, become inebriated!”

Well, El Commandante was put off. This was ridiculous:

“Me, a drunken revolutionary?” he replied, “that’s preposterous!” And he pointed a finger back, “Ma’am, you are a crook and a charlatan. Why, I don’t even believe in stupor-sedition!”

Which species of fish are the most democratic?

Those who vote in eelections.