GURilla Warfare

Dear Pun Gents, my friend Matt and I are entered into the Great Urban Race in Toronto and need a team name. Please help! We are from Calgary, Alberta so any pun about East vs West or with Great Urban Race would be awesome. ~Leanne, Calgary

  1. LilChuck from the Prairies (Little House on the Prairies)
  2. GURilla Warfare
  3. GURillas
  4. Oil Be Back
  5. The Best Westerners
  6. First Lasso
  7. Lasso to First Place
  8. City-City Bang Bang
  9. GURonimo
  10. Rockies Roadsters
  11. Cow Eats Hog
  12. Nenshi Ninjas
  13. Don’t Nenshi It
  14. Road Rodeo
  15. Gorge Cluenies
  16. Race in the Hole
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Toronto Puns

If someone in Greektown planted a maple on Canada Day, would you say he was being Pape-tree-otic?

Does Toronto allow incompetents to colour its main street green for St. Patrick’s Day? No, only the good dye Yonge.

So what if I have dirty feet – I’m a Tar-on-toenian!

Which airport is a haven for body art? Pearson.

Chief Julian Fontina is no longer the big cheese.

On which street is the tapwater too hot? Bathurts!

Which avenue has a high crime rate? Steeles!

There’s a lotta skanks livin’ in the Be-ach-es.

“All I know is that amalgamation was mega-shitty.”

You can always get a taxi in Cabbagetown.

Nicknamed ‘The Big Spoke’, Toronto is a haven for bike couriers.

Why are one-armed visitors not welcome in Toronto? Because after SARS they needed more two-wrists!

Check out the hip-hop art exhibit at the Hey G Yo.

The baseball strike devastated Toronto’s large homerless population.

When Rosie quit the paper, all other columnists followed suit – it was the DiManno effect.

When the yo-yo college opened in Toronto, the politicians exclaimed “Finally, we’re a whirled-class city!”

I wouldn’t mind a romp in Susan’s Hay.

Which CityPulse reporter never takes time off? Daley.

Which hospital’s name is misspelt? [Sic] Kids!

Are there a lot of topless women on the T-T-C?

Is Toronto renowned for its good scuba waters? Yes it’s known for diver-city!

Where in Toronto does Senator Clinton fear to tread? In the Dissed Hillary district!

Potheads were upset when the TTC eliminated the subway tokin.

Which football team simply cannot deliver? The Cargo-nots.

I was riding the Danforth subway and became embarrassed when I got a massive erection at Cockswell station.

When the police barged in and raided the office of the suburban mayor, he hollered “I take Uxbridge with this!”

Why don’t ginos wear more denim?

If McCallion gets re-elected will her nickname be Her-again Hazel?

My pillow burst in Downspew station.

Does Honest Hed want to legalize prostitution?

Those who foolishly forget Moses’ influence among Toronto media must suffer from AlZnaimer’s.

When discussing Toronto newspeople, the anchor of Toronto 1 is definitely worth a Ben-chin.

Is there mythical beauty on Toronto’s Centaur Island?

Which CBC personality detests alcoholic cider? George Strongbow-awfulis!
Which CBC personality controls the people like a puppet-master? George Strungup-populous!

The crowd could tell Elizabeth II had chunked up, after her motorcade passed along the Queen’s-weigh.

It seems everyone wants to be a prostitute in Mimic-ho .

You can find Rick James on Black Freak Drive.

Parking is strictly enforced on Carlaw.

Nothing stinks like the Reeko Coliseum.

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Toronto Puns (Pt II)

In honour of the Toronto Municipal Election)

Rhain: Toronto has a lot of serious problems that need fixing. For example, the waterfront.
Pat: Yes, everyone knows the Waterfront is a bloated, lifeless body.
Rhain: Did you know their mandate is to make Torontonians worship coral?
Pat: Worship coral? Is that their idea of waterfront reef-idolization? Ridiculous!
Rhain: Toronto Island residents especially know that their city is going to the Docks.
Pat: And the Leslie Street Spit is just disgusting. It’s a floating cesspool.
Rhain: Well, I disagree on that one. I think the Spit is saliva with a wonderful phlegm buoyancy!
Pat: But there are problems all over the city. Take the Exhibition for example. I don’t CNE reason to keep it going.
Rhain: Fair enough.
Pat: Then there’s the Eatin’ Centre – just one big food court. And the city streets are too dangerous!
Rhain: Yeah. There is juvenile deliquency at Yonge and Steeles.
Pat: And then there was the murder of Roger Moore, he was killed at Bond and Shuter. Also there are seedy ‘massage parlours’ at John and Front.
Rhain: Aren’t those run by the Mafia? I hear they dump their bodies in the Don Valley.
Pat: Yeah, well, on a lighter note, the rent is cheap but the water is too hot where I live.
Rhain: You mean Bathurts and Lowrents?
Pat: And the buildings in Toronto are so old. Think of the B.C.E. Place.
Rhain: Really? I thought it was built in the ADs. But, there is also no subway construction. Progress on the Sheppard line is slow as Mellastman.
Pat: I don’t think it’s slow. In fact the subway can be quite racy. I took a ride with my girlfriend the other day. Bloor line down, and when it reached Coxwell I had no choice but to get off.
Rhain: That’s disgusting!
Pat: Anyway.. to close, after this election Toronto mayor or may not see improvement.
Rhain: Yes – but with our puns you’ll always know what we stink.

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