Cetaceans may end up lying helpless on the beach whenever there are whale force winds.

I’m glad it’s not summer. Once, my computer almost exploded in the swell Turing heat.

The windiest month? A_gust.

Gloomy countries like England and Scotland have population problems: they’re overclouded.

What happened when Jesus preached to his disciples in the rain?

They bore wetness to the truth!

The weather in Nunavut? I’gloomy. ‘S’no walk in the park. But at least I ’ski’mo than I used to.

When the rain fell on our heads it was like glorious piss. So I quoted Shakespeare, saying “The sky is a most excellent can o’ pee.”

I had a dream that it would rain on my camping trip. How pour tent-us!

Hypothetical situations are best described as whether forecasts.

Why is Michael Jackson so crazy?

Well, he’s been hit by lightening several times.

Crime goes up at the end of winter. When I got home the other day my house was burglarized. I said ‘This is the first robbin’ of spring!’

Frozen: the state of being that results from having ‘big hair’ in winter.

Do lovers in tropical climates enjoy the moansoon season?

If you let your testicles get too cold, you may suffer from hypospermia.

Do Eskimos believe in recicicling?

Why would the girthsome fellow only leave his house during a blizzard?

Because of the ‘wide out’ conditions.

When the Muslim vacationer landed in New York during a heat wave, he was immediately arrested by Homeland Security. “But, but,” the unsuspecting tourist protested, “all I said was ‘gee, it’s hot!‘”

Meteorology is a difficult science. For instance I thought it would be a breeze to master the Beaufort scale, but it turned out to be a no-wind situation. After all, I don’t speak Gale-ic!

Enjoy the sunshine? Yucatan in Mexico.

Why could Frosty the Snowman see everything?

Because he had ice in the back of his head!

When the glacier was asked for an opinion on global warming, it replied “I dunno, I’ve never really thawed about it.”

What did Fog say to Mrs. Fog?

“I’ve mist you!”

What does a portly fellow wear to get shelter from the rain?

A pauncho.