When a mathematician suffers a flesh wound, he should apply a Gauzian distribution of bandages. And remember to use Fermat pressure.
When someone runs over a cat, and it has to be cleaned off the street, who picks up the tabby?
I broke my leg dancing. My new nickname is Saturday Night Femur.
Safety advice from Dante? When entering the Inferno, wear a helmet.
I went to Damascus and, stumbling around drunk, got impaled upon some jagged glass. Immediately I felt Assyrian pane in my side.
When my girlfriend stepped on a landmine, she became my maim squeeze.
Getting your head chopped off by a glass shard is a real pane in the neck.
Did many oil tankers crash in Prince William Sound because the captain drank too much coffee?
No, just Juan Valdez.