I come from a proud family of accused murderers. Growing up, my mom used to remind us, ‘you can always depend on the kindness of stranglers.’
I tried to avoid weighing my ‘oma’ on a scale, but it was too late — the grammage was done.
Sick of hanging out with his aunt’s kids at family reunions, Newton went off and formulated the law of cousin affect.
When I told my family I was becoming a yoga instructor they looked at me like I was a mat man.
My daughter asked to go tobogganing. I said “Not with that sleddy outfit!”
My grandma always gives me the benefit of the dote.
I can’t stand my spouse’s family and she can’t stand mine. We’re kin dread souls.
My grandfather once shoplifted a popular video game. Years later, they tracked me down and said “You shall pay for The Sims of your forefathers.“
I come from a family of warmongers. I am belli bellicose to them.
When I turn 40, I hope my sister doesn’t cry. I don’t want a mid life cry sis.