There’s this local band – called Pilate – that makes me giddy. If I were to bump into them on the street, or backstage at their next concert, what should I say to impress them? ~ Natasha, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1)”I read that Prince William listens to your music during his flying lessons… I guess he’s an heir playin’ Pilate!”

2) “I heard your album outside a pastry shop at 3 am – talk about pie late.”

3)”I searched through seven piles of my cds, but I can’t find yours. Should I check pile eight?”

FINALLY

4)”Wow, Pilate – you guys really knock me un-Pontius!”

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A woman keeps calling our genetics lab asking if we would like to study her cat – as he has Down’s Syndrome. What should I tell her? ~ Meira, Queen’s University, Kingston, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

“Sorry, our lab doesn’t need a mentally handicapped cat – the mice we deal with are rat-arded enough!”

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One of my work colleagues has an infinite number of somewhat lame stories that he inflicts on anyone who will listen: usually me. Please save me from lameness with a pun for the next time he corners me! ~ Agnes G, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “You must work in pre-production, because this is a story–bored.”

2) “Does this story have a point, because I can use it to poke out my eyes!” (NOT a pun per se, but still funny)

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