Pun Gents :: Original* Puns
For older Puns of the Day, see archive. *Except where indicated, all jokes on this site were written by The Gents
07/15/10
Women who have tattoos of drink containers are cute, because Thermos tats keep things hot!
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink | COMMENT »
07/14/10
Hear about the dyslexic chemist who would have sex with birds? He insisted on studying the properties of mangeesium .
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: bestiality , birds , chemistry , dyslexia , spoonerism | COMMENT »
07/13/10
This World Cup was one for the Guinness Book of Redcards .
(4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)
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| Topic: sports , world cup | COMMENT »
07/12/10
If Jesus had been a chiropractor, would there have been millions of disc I pulls ?
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy , chiropractors , Jesus , occupations | COMMENT »
07/11/10
A lot of volcano eruptions are caused by grubs. It must be all the moultin’ larvae .
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: insects , natural disasters , random | 1 COMMENT »
07/10/10
How does a short-order cook wish you good luck?
“Break an egg!”
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: figures of speech , occupations | 1 COMMENT »
07/09/10
Raising chickens isn’t easy. You have to think outside the boks .
(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , birds , chickens , farming , figures of speech | COMMENT »
07/08/10
Spice Girls, the Movie? It’s about thyme .
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: celebrities , movies | COMMENT »
07/07/10
To a vegetarian, meat is murder. But for a sandwich, meat is mortar .
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink , slogan | COMMENT »
07/06/10
After they were massacred in the Clone Wars, there was a darth of jedi.
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: darth vader , death , movies , star wars | COMMENT »
07/05/10
People in India are always being type-caste .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: ethnic groups , india , social justice | COMMENT »
07/04/10
There was a recently released study on rectal occlusions. What does it pooer-port to say?
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy , poo jokes | COMMENT »
07/03/10
What’s wrong with tap water? Bottled water is an unnecessary aqua-sition .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: water | COMMENT »
07/02/10
Many of our schoolchildren know next to nothing about moss! I’m worried it’s a crisis of sphagnumeracy .
(3 votes, average: 1.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: education , plants | COMMENT »
07/01/10
Optometry is a competitive field. Many practitioners feel pressured to take stareoids.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: occupations , optometry | COMMENT »
06/30/10
Going to jail isĀ quite the bar gain .
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: crime | COMMENT »
06/29/10
Gay porn is now recyclable. Waste not wanton nuts .
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: lgbtq , prostitutes and pornography , proverbs , the environment | COMMENT »
06/28/10
Do Ms. Minelli’s ex-husbands all get together and play Liza tag ?
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| Topic: celebrities , marriage , relationships | COMMENT »
06/27/10
The corn farmer was so cheap. Everyone called him a maizer .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: occupations | 1 COMMENT »
06/26/10
Barbershop quartets sing a capella. But In Africa, berbershop quartets sing a cape buffalo .
(1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: geography , music , random | COMMENT »
06/25/10
Too much cereal gives me my grains.
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: breakfast , food and drink , health | 1 COMMENT »
06/24/10
Wasn’t there an oil rigger in that group, the Spillage People ?
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: accidents , in the news , music , oil , the environment | COMMENT »
06/23/10
Shakespeare’s works have recently been climbing up the bestseller charts. It’s a sonnet boom !
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: shakespeare | COMMENT »
06/22/10
Who sets our nutrition policies? Is it the feds ?
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: government , health | COMMENT »
06/21/10
Sexual harassment is a big problem at tap-ass bars.
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: etiquette , sex | COMMENT »
06/20/10
Darth Vader threw a root vegetable at his son’s car. He said ‘Luke, I yam your four-door!’
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: darth vader , famous quotes , movies , star wars | 1 COMMENT »
06/19/10
Plastic fruit will be banned at the upcoming G8/20 summits in Toronto. Officials have to secure the pear-imitator.
(1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: canada , fruit , in the news , politics , world leaders | 1 COMMENT »
06/18/10
In France, cats attack birds, nest paw ?
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , birds , cats , france , languages | 1 COMMENT »
06/17/10
A very rich and famous dwarf passed away recently. He was low dead .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: celebrities , death , the little people | 1 COMMENT »
06/16/10
Japanese cartoon gameshow: Whose Line Is It, AnimƩ?
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: anime , cartoons , Japan | COMMENT »
06/15/10
The inventors of the silicone breast implant are long since retired. But I just want to say tanks for the mammaries .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy , surgery | COMMENT »
06/14/10
NED: Do you laugh at heart attack puns?
ED: Yes. Artery hard har!
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: diseases , heart attacks , medicine , Ned and Ed , puns about puns | COMMENT »
06/13/10
What did one meth addict say to the other? Let’s be frenzy.
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: addiction , pharmaceuticals | COMMENT »
06/12/10
Whirled Cup is what happens when my wife gets mad at me.
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: domestic violence , relationships , sports , world cup | COMMENT »
06/11/10
Alanis Morrisette was so adamantly opposed to sheep being given the right to drive, that she wrote a song about it: Ewe, Auto, No!
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: alanis , cars , sheep | COMMENT »
06/10/10
A book is an example of an eye-speed communication device.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: books , technology | 1 COMMENT »
06/09/10
I wish telemarketers would take ban-call a days .
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: business , holidays , telemarketing | 1 COMMENT »
06/08/10
Hear about the just-announced, sleek new pancake-making device from Apple? The iHop .
(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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| | 1 COMMENT »
06/07/10
Lichen will only grow on a tree if it achieves a critical moss .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: plants | COMMENT »
06/06/10
Yoga can be dangerous. If you’re dressing for a class - wear a hazmat suit.
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: health , recreation , yoga | COMMENT »
06/05/10
Buttered scones can give you heart attacks. Keep eating them and you might need an angliopastry .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink , health | COMMENT »
06/04/10
If you’re at sea and want to hold an election, you have to cast your ballast .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: elections , sailing , water | COMMENT »
06/03/10
They dont build guns like they used too. Too many modern firearms show signs of shotty workmanship .
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: guns , weapons | COMMENT »
06/02/10
The human body is 65% water, a 2:1 ratio. This explains our banking/financial crises: we are far too highly beveraged .
(4 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: the economy , water | COMMENT »
06/01/10
As I’m a Flyers fan, the Blackhawks’ victories leave me Toews and confused .
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: chicago , hockey , sports | COMMENT »
05/31/10
Dear Pun Gents , our CEO is starting a blog with two other high-up ladies in the company and are looking for a name for it. They are all members of the board if that helps. ~John, Birmingham, UK (long-time fan)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
Blogs Have More Fun
Blong-term Strategies
I CEO U
Chairmen of the Bored
Three’s Company
Wisdom of the Profits
Veep Tweets
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: business , social media | COMMENT »
05/31/10
If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d write Oil Wells that End Well .
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: accidents , in the news , oil , shakespeare , the environment | 1 COMMENT »
05/30/10
A declawed cat has limited paws abilities .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , cats | COMMENT »
05/29/10
For unemployed physicists, the Large Hadron Collider is a make-quark project.
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: physics , science | COMMENT »
05/28/10
Which Greek philosopher’s wife never shaved? Heraclitas .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: ancient greece , hygiene , philosophy | COMMENT »