Pun Gents :: Original* Puns
For older Puns of the Day, see archive. *Except where indicated, all jokes on this site were written by The Gents
12/19/11
I went to France and took a dump in a street. Now I’m an accused merde horreur .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: crime , france , poo jokes , travel | COMMENT »
12/18/11
Dear Pun Gents , a pun for a mom replying to a kid when he complains about only four presents. ~Kate, Atlanta, GA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
Cad’oh! [if you are French]
Don’t make me box your ears.
Sorry, that’s a wrap!
Look who’s stocking now.
Don’t act Wise Man with me. (Hey, Jesus only got three.)
Do I detect a note of Presentment?
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: christmas , gifts , holidays , kids , moms | COMMENT »
12/18/11
Dear Pun Gents , I am looking for my roller derby name. Based on my legal name (Kim Demone), my stature (small), my place of origin (east coast-Nova Scotia), or my hockey background. ~Kim, Canmore, AB
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT
Mary Timer
Demone Child
Nikki Nova Scotia
S. Kate Blades
Bladey Jane
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: roller derby | COMMENT »
12/18/11
King Neptune never learned to ride a pike .
(2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: fish , myth and legend , under the sea | 1 COMMENT »
12/17/11
Perrier: a Canadian fencer’s drink of choice.
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: canada , fencing , food and drink , sport , water | COMMENT »
12/16/11
A wooden furniture salesman has to be patient: Teak talk, teak talk…
(2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: furniture , salesmen | COMMENT »
12/15/11
Successful mating results in spawn attaineous combustion .
(4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)
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| Topic: fire , nature , sex | COMMENT »
12/14/11
When I pass the sugar, I do it violently. My nickname is the Hurry Cane .
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: dining , random , sugar | COMMENT »
12/13/11
Boo-merang : when you angrily send back your pie.
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink , pie , random | COMMENT »
12/12/11
Those who feed coffee liqueurs to chickens and then bang them with a gong are part of a nefarious secret society: the Kahlua Clucks Clang .
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: chickens , ku klux klan , random | COMMENT »
12/11/11
Exam markers are just employees mass grading as professors.
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: college , exams , school | COMMENT »
12/10/11
Was Helen Keller born without hearing? Deaf innately not.
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: deafness , disabilities , hearing , helen keller | 1 COMMENT »
12/09/11
Chicken-related humour is at a crossroads .
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: birds , chickens , humour , puns about puns | COMMENT »
12/08/11
After Timberlake went to that famed Ukrainian watershed - he wrote ‘Crimea River ‘.
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: bodies of water , justin timberlake , music , populat culture , rivers , ukraine | COMMENT »
12/07/11
Winner of the Toastmasters award for ‘best speech about handguns’ won a Glock n’ spiel .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: guns , speeches | 1 COMMENT »
12/06/11
You must shave down below if you live in a mow nasty hairy .
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: hygiene , monasteries , monks | COMMENT »
12/05/11
The renegade employee who defecated in an aquarium was accused of sharking his doodies .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: fish , poo jokes , sharks , the workplace , tourism , under the sea | COMMENT »
12/04/11
The secret ingredient in Red Bull: Minotaurine.
(2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: drinking , minotaurs , red bull | COMMENT »
12/03/11
What movie was based on the memoirs of a college cannibal? A: The Grad u ate.
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: cannibalism , cannibals , movies | COMMENT »
12/02/11
I went out with a tranny. It was great. By the end, I felt ex-Stacey .
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: dating , lgbtq , transsexuals | COMMENT »
12/01/11
I used to live in a tarp; that was the ex-tent of my housing.
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: housing , tents | COMMENT »
11/30/11
What does Santa say in November? Mo Mo Mo .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: catchphrases , Movember , santa | 1 COMMENT »
11/29/11
Hisspanics are afraid of snakes.
(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , ethnic groups , phobias , reptiles , snakes | 1 COMMENT »
11/28/11
Kim Kardash ian made off with a stolen auto. When cops found her, there was copious junk in her trunk. And the rack was overloaded.
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: cars , crime , Kim Kardashian , police | 3 COMMENTS »
11/27/11
Noblemen don’t take any crap.
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: nobility , royalty | COMMENT »
11/26/11
After my friend and I underwent painful foreskin removal - we found ourselves in strange circum stances
(2 votes, average: 2.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy , circumcision | COMMENT »
11/25/11
Someone who gets run over at a Black Friday sale: Wal-Martyr .
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: black friday , holidays , shopping , thanksgiving , walmart | COMMENT »
11/24/11
When the college dormitory tampon machine broke, they declared a coed red .
(3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: college , pms , school , students , women | 1 COMMENT »
11/23/11
Which birds are most religious? Geeses of Nazereth .
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: birds , geese , Jesus , religion | 2 COMMENTS »
11/22/11
I bought a castle from a fat nobleman. I heard I could get a hefty viscount .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: castles , nobility | COMMENT »
11/21/11
What kind of flooring is inherently sheepish? Lamb innate .
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , flooring , sheep | 1 COMMENT »
11/20/11
Candy factories rely on sweet shop labour .
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: candy , factories , social justice | 1 COMMENT »
11/19/11
Air-traffic controllers are plane spoken .
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: air traffic controllers , flying , occupations | COMMENT »
11/18/11
Writing a symphony is a draw note process.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: composing , music , symphonies , writing | COMMENT »
11/17/11
I miss sugar. After all these years we glucose .
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: food , relationships , sugar | COMMENT »
11/17/11
Dear Pun Gents , I’m looking for a bowling team name for a party where my girlfriend is turning 50. ~Mel, Del Rio, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
We’re Never Splitting
No Spare Tires
Lane With You
10 Pins, 50 Candles
Strike ManDate
The Pinishers
Pin it to Win it
Thanks for your donation , Mel!
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: birthday , bowling , relationships , team name | COMMENT »
11/16/11
I refuse to make my own sandwich. I rely on sub contractors.
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: food , occupations , sandwiches | COMMENT »
11/15/11
Two Commandments of Whale Diarrhea:
Thou Shart Not Krill
Thou Shall Not Bear False Wetness
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: diarrhea , ten commandments , the bible , whales | COMMENT »
11/14/11
Dear Pun Gents, we’re a group of nine women who love to drink are headed to Las Vegas for the half-marathon the first week of December 2011. We need a clever name for our team shirts. Please help! ~Katharine, San Antonio, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
Martini Boppers
A Stirred in the Hand
13-Miley Cyruses
13 Miles, 26 Oz
Mango Lasses
Queens of the Cosmo’s
Boozundeit
Laps and Relapse
Kahlualass
Tequila Stocking Birds
Running on Empties
Raising the Bartender
Talk the Detox
Tavern and Shirleys
Beers are not Enough
Desert Heat
Jet Legged
Stride Me
The Vodkouple (if there were two of you)
Distill my Heart
PS thanks for the donation !
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: marathon , running , sports , t-shirt , team name | COMMENT »
11/14/11
My expensive car got stuck in the mud. I know what you’re thinking: Porsche muck.
(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cars , mud , porsche | COMMENT »
11/13/11
Ungulate perfumes tend to be a gnu scents.
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: perfume , ungulates | COMMENT »
11/12/11
The journalist refused to see a doctor. He didn’t want to reveal ass-sores .
(2 votes, average: 2.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy , doctors , journalism , medical conditions | COMMENT »
11/11/11
If you’re going to insult Greece, be diss Crete .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: crete , greece , insults | COMMENT »
11/10/11
The agile prostitute kept in shape by parkwhoring .
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: parkour , prostitutes and pornography , recreation , sex , sports | COMMENT »
11/09/11
Eminem owns two pipelines in Central Asia:
Gas Uzbek
‘Stan
(what about Sallim Zashadi )?
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: celebrities , centra asia , eminem , music , uzbekistan | COMMENT »
11/08/11
I got kicked out of my yacht. It doesn’t boat dwell .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: boats , housing , yachts | COMMENT »
11/07/11
Arguments about love tend to be amorphuss .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: arguments , love | COMMENT »
11/06/11
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: lawyers , sumo wrestlers | COMMENT »
11/05/11
Methuse lah was the oldest drug addict in the Bible.
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: methusaleh , the bible | COMMENT »
11/04/11
In Bangalore , many things are prohibited.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: bangalore , india , the law | 1 COMMENT »