Canadian spies are relentless. CSIS never stops.

Who wore deerskin coats?

Daddy Wore bucks.

Every deaf man's dream is to have aural sex.

When geometers get a loan, do they need a cosiner?

God must have been constipated. He didn't create feces until the turd day.

Quoth the gluten-loving man: "Can I get a wheat'n'this!?'

With the passing of Russian President Boris Yeltsin, the Gents reiterate that his role in Chechnya was Grozny overrated.

Even though there's pussy galore, many men prefer to roger moore and pierce brosnan. It part of the bondage thing.

There's a lot of hedonism among tropical fruits. It's always "Go, mango, guava good time!" But the next day they papaya the piper.

My friend warned me about getting into a love triangle with acute guy. She said "What's his angle? He seems really shallow, and something about him just isn't right." She told me to stop being obtuse. "When I first looked at him isosceles written all over him," she said. Turns out she was right: I'm no longer scalene the heights of love. I need to do a complete 180.

Sticking your hands in butter feels queer.

p.s. We have a new PunShine Girl for you - Agnes!

A man who wins a poker tournament has yet to reach the pinochle of achievement.

The mafia hitman brought candles along to his hit. He had to wax someone. He was wicked.

Pubic-hair wigs are traded on the merkin-tile exchange, but I think it's just a front for the muffia.

I got so scared when driving my new car, I soiled my pants. It must have been the turd-bowl charged engine.

Anyone who repeatedly paves a street is retarreded.

In times Roman, if a child was not brought to the baptismal font, all helvetica broke loose.

Embracing while drunk is banned at lesbian bars. The women simply cannot hold their licker.

Do mathematicians prefer farming by hand?

No - they're pro tractor.

Who leaves me speechless?

Beyonce.

Some 'little people' like to go on 'power trips'. They're mega low maniacs.

How potheads propose:

"Marriage... u wanna?"

Jesus rose again, on Yeaster Sunday. He died ferment, but truly He is the leaven Lord.

The man who didn't use punchewuation ate his words. He was comma the earth.

At the Last Supper, Judas ruined Jesus' omelette. That day became known as Gooed Fried Egg.

A leper doesn't change his spots.

In the digital age, how do know your child is potty trained?

When he says 'iPooed'.

Did you know about P. Diddy's record? He spent a few years in J-Lo. Then he left, because he didn't want to be friends with Bennifers.

The hobo asked me for some tequila, but I told him 'Agave at the office.'

NED: Who loaded the printer with the wrong-sized paper?
ED: I did.
NED: That's dumb. Why'd you do it?
ED: April foolscap!