Puns on Demand - the web's ONLY custom joke and slogan service
RSS feed: 
(Click here for subscription instructions)
(Click here for subscription instructions) 
Demand a Pun!
- YOU demand puns. WE supply them!
- See our most recent requests below.
- When you're ready, fill out the pun request form
|
1/22/2010
TRIPLE TEAM
Dear Pun Gents, I need a funny name for a 3v3 basketball team. ~Tony, St. Louis
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
INFO-ATTAINMENT
Dear Pun Gents, we're updating our clients information and have to call people to update/confirm email addresses. We're forming teams to do it in. Any ideas? Cheers! ~Marlon, Melbourne
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SLICE-ZY BEHAVIOR
Dear Pun Gents, need a pun on a cake auction. ~Kelly, Chiefland, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
'MOLE'ST ME NOT
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun on the word 'mole' for my chemistry project ~Nija, Lawrenceville, GA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1/21/2010
LAWFUL WEDDED WISECRACKS
Dear Pun Gents, I'm looking for a punny name for a new blog. Something shorter and more clever than, "One man's quest for figuring out how to plan a gay wedding while negotiating freaked-out family drama and keeping sight of the real reason for getting married - the other groom." Thanks! ~Brian, Boulder, CO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
MY MOTHER AND FEATHER
Dear Pun Gents, I have a picture of my mom wearing a turkey hat. I would like a pun that describes her life, but has to do with turkeys. ~Harrison, North Brunswick
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WE DE-LIVER!
Dear Pun Gents, we have to rename a liquor store. My wife runs it full-time. We sell beer, spirits, a little wine. Blue-collar store in an old neighborhood. ~Matt, Shawnee, KS (long-time fan)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
THE BUCK SHOTS HERE
Dear Pun Gents, I'm looking for a pun for a shot glass for a bachelorette party. It's a run of the mill drinking party. Something unique. ~Michelle, Windsor, ON
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WAIT... BEER ME OUT!
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun to ask a friend to buy beer or alcohol. ~Joey, Redlands, CA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
YO, BUM RUSH THE SNOW
Dear Pun Gents, I am in a curling bonspiel called the 'BUMspiel' - BUMS stands for Berseker Urban Motorcycle Squad. I need a team name with curling and bums. Or just some original curling names for 4 people thrown together to curl. ~Shelley, Calgary, AB
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
MOVERS AND SHAKERS
Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name for an office team in a transportation engineering firm, but no one on the team is an engineer. ~Amy, Salt Lake City, UT
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
DUBLIN THE FUN
Dear Pun Gents, ~Tyla, Brighton, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
MATRIMONY MONY
Dear Pun Gents, some good wedding band names. ~Lisa, Tampa, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WE JUST FIT
Dear Pun Gents, I'm wanting a Valentine's Day pun based around the themes weight loss / gym / love handles / exercise / etc. ~Lach, Brisbane, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT
1/18/2010
MAN! I FOUL LIKE A WOMAN!
Dear Pun Gents, We're looking for a clever name for our women's tennis team. We're a city, public court team that plays out of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. ~Nina, San Francisco (long-time fan)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1/08/2010
AHEAD OF THE PUCK
Dear Pun Gents, we did a science project on how fast you can shoot a hockey puck and we need a title! ~Jen, Laurel, MD
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SOUNDING BOARD
Dear Pun Gents, A good one for a film soundtrack service please. ~Jeremy, Letterkenny, Ireland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
4 CLOSURE
Dear Pun Gents, we need a legal based pub name for our social event, even better if it also included the number 4. Many thanks! ~Will, London
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
CHICKS WITH CLICKS
Dear Pun Gents, I'm putting together a bachelorette-party 5k run for the bridesmaids. Looking for a pun to put on the t-shirts. ~Maria, Chicago
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
PANT OPTIONAL BEACH PARTY
Dear Pun Gents, a pun for a beach theme for a dog party. ~Jen, Durango, CO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
CAN'T HARDLY WEIGHT
Dear Pun Gents, I'm emceeing a wedding and looking for some puns. Groom used to be into weightlifting and also works for an insurance company. ~Gary, Melbourne, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
12/30/2009
DRINK AND DRIVE
Dear Pun Gents, I need a name for an alcohol delivery service. ~Alice, Brisbane, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS
HOS OF PAIN
Dear Pun Gents, I would like a pun or slogan for pediatric pain for a preventative pain hospital program. ~Beth, Phoenix, AZ
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HIVE FIVE
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun name for a bee mascot! ~Lauren, Perth, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT;
COME AND SEA
Dear Pun Gents, I need pun for a headline on review of the musical South Pacific. ~Elaine, Dallas
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
FREE WILL
Dear Pun Gents, I need a catchy pun for my new blog. Something related to 'William'. ~William, Houston
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
12/15/2009
THAT WAY MADNESS LIES
Dear Pun Gents, can you help out with some Shakespeare-themed puns on weddings? ~Natalie, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
12/10/2009
MINDS IN THE GUTTER
Dear Pun Gents, I need a psychology-related name for a bowling team that consists of graduate students. ~Diana, New York City
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
COLD CALL
Dear Pun Gents, I want a pun about cold weather. ~Roy, Kalamazoo, MI
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
EAU BABY!
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a personalized water bottle for a wedding! ~Mindy, Memphis
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GOOGLE WAVE?
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about a day at the beach ~Romy, Sydbey, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
TOTALLY RETIREDED
Dear Pun Gents, after 41 years my old boss, an engineer, is retiring from the Army Corps of Engineers. He has no hobbies, no plans, and his wife is definitely not retiring. ~Sandie, Galveston, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HEART CHOICES
Dear Pun Gents, I'm working on a cross-promotional ad campaign (Internet & newspaper). I need a very short name for the campaign. It's for Valentine's Day retailer sales, gift ideas etc. Example: Sweet Sales...that's all I can think of. ~Tiffany, Hays, KS
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
QUID PRO QUOTE
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about our yearbook and the staff. It could be about anything: journalism, photography, memories, editing, etc.
Thanks! ~Kelsica, Atlanta, GA AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SERVING UP SOME LOVE
Dear Pun Gents, we are having a tennis charity event on Valentine's day. Need a slogan re the old saying "to tennis players love means nothing" - to show that's not true. ~Laura, Charlotte, NC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT
11/30/2009
I DREAMED I HAD FOUR BALLS...
Dear Pun Gents, a softball pun relating to a dream. ~Brandi, Richmond, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SEE YOU IN HALOGEN!
Dear Pun Gents, a bromine pun. ~Luke, Roanoke
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
PEP SMEAR
Dear Pun Gents, our band wants to make t-shirts to wear during pep band season (for basketball games, etc). What are some good band puns? Must be school appropriate. ~Kelly, Laramie, WY
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HAVE SOME FUND WITH IT
Dear Pun Gents, I am writing about various fundraising methods for charities. Any ideas? ~Miles, San Antonio, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BARNEY PUNOFFSKY
Dear Pun Gents, my English class is having a pun-off and I need a team name. ~Cedar, Austin, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WEAK IN THE NEEDS
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for children in need please. ~Liam, Newport, Wales
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
11/19/2009
O, GRE
Dear Pun Gents, a pun on the letters GRE (general record exam) wishing someone good luck! ~Louise, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
"JUST A LITTLE PATIENTS..."
Dear Pun Gents, we need team name for our company quiz night; theme is 'doctors and nurses.' ~Mike, London, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GATEWAY DOUG
Dear Pun Gents, I'm writing a story told in songs about the slippery slope of drugs. A guy starts his evening on coffee and TV and ends on heroin. Give me a punning drug/addict related name for him please! ~James, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE JAM RECESSION
Dear Pun Gents, I am doing a project comparing how charities are coping with the recession and suggesting solutions to them. I need a pun I could place as the title. Thank you so much! ~Jay, Houston
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
ESTATE OF PLAY
Dear Pun Gents, I am a real estate agent and am trying for a punny slogan for myself. I just started as an agent and would love something funny, catchy and original...so I have turned to the best. Please help! ~Liz, Los Angeles
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
PINT PONG
Dear Pun Gents, my boyfriend's name is Eddie and mine is Rachel and we are 19. We need a team name for a beer pong tournament. Clever ideas? ~Rachel, Vancouver
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
11/06/2009
JENNA'S SIDE
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for my new blog involving my name, 'Jenna'. Something witty and funny would be cool. The blog is about a preparing my art portfolio so you could mess around with that? Whatever you like. Thanks Gents. ~Jenna, Dublin, Ireland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
10/31/2009
DUCK A L'OREGON
Dear Pun Gents, a pun on the Oregon Ducks vs. USC Trojans (they are playing on Hallowe'en). ~C, Eugene, OR
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
10/29/2009
THE DEARLY DEPARTMENT
Dear Pun Gents, I'm looking for team names for members of our operations department, which consists of custodians, maintenance, and technology. ~Lisa, St. Louis, MO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GOOD VIBRATIONS
Dear Pun Gents, our department is looking for ultrasound puns, preferably around five or so. Thanks! ~Bella, New York City
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
YOU CAN'T SPLIT THIS COUPLE
Dear Pun Gents, puns for a bachelorette party at a bowling alley. ~Michelle, Chicago
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
A LOT RIDES WITH YOU
Dear Pun Gents, I need some puns that combine driving and cycling. They need to promote cycling. ~London, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
PLANET OF THE APS
Dear Pun Gents, a pun for a government AP class sweatshirt. ~Jhudora, Redwood City, CA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
MAKE YOURSELF YOUTHFUL
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun related to youth, performing arts, music, science or something relevant for a youth showcase exhibit. ~Nhi, Sydney, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
DO THESE SHORTS MAKES MY BATON LOOK GOOD?
Dear Pun Gents, We need a team name for a dozen women running a relay race: a 'Saints' race in June and a 'Sinners' race in October. ~Wendy, Pleasant Grove, UT
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
LEND ME YOUR YEARS
Dear Pun Gents, we're making t-shirts to advertise our 3-D yearbook, and need a pun on the back to get people talking. ~Adam, Duluth, GA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
Dear Pun Gents, I need a scientific pun for the word 'mole'. ~Ashley, Sacramento, CA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SHOOT UP A WEDDING
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about wedding photographers! ~Monica, Santa Monica, CA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
EAR WAXING POETIC
Dear Pun Gents, I'm writing a term paper on cochlear implants and need some puns for the titles of different sections. Anything about cochlear implants, signal processing, or the history of them. ~Krista, St. Louis, MO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
FIELDING EACH OTHER UP
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a company Halloween-costume contest. We're two girls dressed in softball uniforms; what can we be? ~Lisa, Chicago
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
10/06/2009
KERNELS OF WISDOM
Dear Pun Gents, a pun about popcorn. ~Isabella, San Francisco
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
DODGY REQUEST
Dear Pun Gents, I need a good team name for my school dodge-ball tournament. Any dodge-ball puns? ~Jimmy, O'Fallon, MO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BLAST THE MUSIC
Dear Pun Gents, something to do with Islamic terrorists and music....maybe techno? ~Joe, London UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
JOHN COUGAR TENNIS CAMP
Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name for some ladies in their forties going to Florida for a tennis tournament/ladies weekend. ~Christi, Lafayette, LA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
10/05/2009
DRESSED FOR SUSSEX
Dear Pun Gents, I need a name for a business. I am provide events entertainment evenings. I live in Sussex. I like words like dream, surreal, fun etc. I've worked hard to get here, so something proud and memorable. Easy to say too. Many thanks. ~Laura, Worthing, West Sussex, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
JORDANCE ACADEMY?
Dear Pun Gents, a pun about Katie Price opening a school ~Ashna, Peterborough
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SIGHTS AND SOUNDS
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun to relate hearing loss to the theme of sun and beaches for an annual snow festival parade. ~Chandace, Durango, CO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
PAINT EXPRESSIONS
Dear Pun Gents, a pun using 'paint', 'painter', 'painting', color, etc. I'm brainstorming business name ideas ~Mike, Mason, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
OPTOMETRUS PRIME
Dear Pun Gents, we are making t-shirts for pre-optometry club and i need something funny; something to do with sight. ~Ellen, Minneapolis, MN
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
COUG COUG CA CHOO
Dear Pun Gents, I'm starting a show choir for elementary school kids. Our mascot is the cougar. Any ideas for a group name involving music, cougars, or both? ~Kris, New Haven, CT
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
9/16/2009
THE ANTLER, MY FRIEND, IS BLOWING IN THE WIND
Dear Pun Gents, I need something to use for a deer processing business. ~Liza, Smithville, MS
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BAIT ACCOMPLI
Dear Pun Gents, I need a witty slogan for a retiring boss that somehow includes "Gone Fishin". ~Aimee, Daytona Beach, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WARD GAMES
Dear Pun Gents, I am taking a group of nurses and student nurses to a children's hospital to play board games with them. I need a name for the project please. ~Jessia, Summit, MS
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
ALIASININE
Dear Pun Gents, I need a good pun name to use as an Internet alias. To give you an idea of what I want, here are a few of the names I've been using:
~John, Brownwood AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
LOVE ASHLEY
Dear Pun Gents, my wife and I have been trying to think of an alias for her. She's submitting some pin-up photos of her and our dog to a calendar that benefits dog shelters. Her real first name is: Ashley; Middle name: Christine. She is blonde with green eyes. Any suggestions? ~Fred, Arlington ,TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
DO THESE GENES MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
Dear Pun Gents, we need a name for our genetic research engineering team (GRET). ~Hilary, Ann Arbor, MI
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
9/10/2009
DRIER SENSE OF HUMOR
Dear Pun Gents, We need a funny/suggestive/witty team name for a washer-pitching contest. ~Logan, Lubbock, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
CHAMELEON OVER SOME TIME
Dear Pun Gents, I need a name for a veiled chameleon (unsure about whether it'll be male or female). I'm a complete and total biology nerd, so feel free to be all kinds of nerdy with it! ~Renee, Kent, OH
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GLOBAL WARNING
Dear Pun Gents, I am doing a class project at college. Theme: the environment. I'm doing an ad campaign to make people aware of the issues. I feel that using puns would make my posters more appealing. And so I need puns on topics such as global warming, climate change, vandalism, litter, pollution etc. ~Jenna, Manchester, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HIRED EDUCATION
Dear Pun Gents, I am in Human Resource Management class and we have to come up with group names. I need of something fun and relevant. Thanks! ~Lisa, Jacksonville, Fla
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
8/24/2009
WEDDING THE APPETITE
Dear Pun Gents, my sister's bachelorette party is in San Francisco. A random group is going - some bridesmaids, some friends. I need something fun and creative to put on the t-shirts. ~Liz, Chicago
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BALLISTIC BRIDES
Dear Pun Gents, need a softball team name for our pre-wedding interfamily game (bride's side). Any ideas? ~Dana, Kenosha WI
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
8/07/2009
GOOD TIDE-INGS!
Dear Pun Gents, I'm chairing a school charity auction with an ocean beach/seashore theme and need some good plays on word for written communications to parents/donors. ~D, Washington DC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
7/31/2009
PRETTY HOT BEACHES
Dear Pun Gents, nine girls are moving into a college campus house and all the houses have short funny names that are painted on signs (eg: Tequila Mockingbird, etc.) We live on Beach street so anything with that, or nine girls or kites (our sorority symbol is a kite). Thanks! ~Bonnie, Columbus, OH
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
7/27/2009
COMING SOON: THE RING
Dear Pun Gents, our wedding save-the-date card is a film noir movie poster and we need a Gene Shalit-style punny one-liner about marriage as if it were a film review. ~Karen, Los Angeles
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SLOT LIQUORS
Dear Pun Gents, My wife and I own a bar, which also includes a liquor store and casino. We need a cool pun for our new hats and t-shirts. ~Tom, Frenchtown, MT
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
MY CORNY POP
Dear Pun Gents, Something about popcorn, like "Look who's poppin' into 7th grade." Mix of school and popcorn. ~John, Houston
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
7/08/2009
THE SPRINTED WORD
Dear Pun Gents, I need a good name for a running relay team! ~Christine, Whitehorse, Yukon
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
CASE OF CRABS
Dear Pun Gents, I'm handing out crab mallets as favors for a bridal shower with a crab-cake recipe. Need a clean pun related to crab mallet, crabcakes, and marriage. ~Lauren, Lawrence, KS
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
MOBSTER TRAP
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun involving mobsters. ~Timothy, Mount Morris, NY
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WEDDING TRAIN
Dear Pun Gents, I have to do a best man speech for guy who is interested in model railways, loves Top Gun and eats loads of bacon - any decent ideas? ~Ed, Ripon, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
7/07/2009
THE HURLERS
Dear Pun Gents, I need a saying for an alumni softball tournament t-shirt. I am from a small town and drinking is a hobby. The pun can be about softball, drinking, or both! ~Elise, Welsh
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GET BAKED AT WORK
Dear Pun Gents, our legal department is having a team community volunteer baking event for a children's charity. Can you help us with a slogan? Thanks. ~Michele, Chadds Ford, PA (Long-time fan)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
6/16/2009
SCHWINNING TRADITION
Dear Pun Gents, something about bicycling running in the family. It's in my DNA, in my blood, family history of interest in the sport--I am in the cycling industry and work for Shimano in the OEM department. Hope that helps? ~Adam, Mission Viejo, CA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
5/29/2009
TAKE YOUR BREAST SHOT
Dear Pun Gents, I am looking for a pun to go along with field hockey and breast cancer. We are having a fundraiser and are looking for something funny and catchy that has to do with both. ~Heidi, Watertown, WI
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
5/26/2009
NGOOD TIMES
Dear Pun Gents, anything to do with a charity worker helping out in Africa. Or to do with mercy ships, for a profile title. ~Myra, Auckland, New Zealand
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BBW SEEKS GOOD TIME
Dear Pun Gents, I need a 'Beach Bachelorette Weekend' t-shirt slogan. ~Rachel, Baltimore, MD
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
THE NERD DO WELLS
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a state trivia team. Preferably something nerdy, but not so much as laypeople won't understand it. Thanks a lot! ~Tiernan, Lismore, New South Wales, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WHAT'S ON THE VENUE TONIGHT?
Dear Pun Gents, I need a name for a smaller special events venue I want to open—on Main St. in Littleton, CO—cherished family gatherings, etc. Need a clever title—I can only do Hallmark titles. Enjoy a laugh! ~Karen, Littleton, CO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
5/07/2009
'SACK FLY
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun to put on t-shirts for a fundraiser for testicular cancer. It is a father-son baseball game. Players will wear the shirts and we will also sell them to raise money. ~Sarah, Appleton
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
TREBEK ON THE WAGON
Dear Pun Gents, I'm hosting a 'Jeopardy' meeting for folks in drug and alcohol recovery. I need puns for categories/answers pertaining to alcohol, drugs, recovery, 12-step programs, etc. These people love to laugh, so have fun with this! ~Lou, Spring Hill, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
RUG DOCTOR
Dear Pun Gents, my friend is getting married; he plays rugby. ~Paul, Bath, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
ARCH ENEMIES
Dear Pun Gents, I need an architecture pun for our office's softball league. The firm's name is FMG. It can be a slogan. ~Jamie, Philadelphia, PA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
AMBLING ADDICTION
Dear Pun Gents, I'm looking for a team name for a Walk Across America relay we are doing at work, an all-woman team. ~Erin, Worcester, MA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
RED EYE SPECIAL
Dear Pun Gents, I've invented a Spanish verb board game called "Verb IT" which is a race thru Latin America . The red-eyed tree frog is the the mascot of the game. Need wordplay on frogs, learning verbs, racing. ~Carol, Peterborough, ON
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
4/19/2009
PUN RAISING
Dear Pun Gents, a pun that involves the words 'charity' and 'fundraising' to put in a headline. ~Christopher, London, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
NICE JAWB
Dear Pun Gents, a pun on dentures. ~Monica, Scottsdale, AZ
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
CRUDE HUMOUR, REFINED
Dear Pun Gents, We are looking for a name for a slo-pitch team. We are an oilfield based company. ~Eric, Edmonton, AB
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
COMMUNITY JEST
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a Relay for Life event, for a cure for cancer. The theme is Monopoly and our spot is Waterworks. Thanks ~Pam, Sheridan
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Water works compared to faith? You gotta believe. 2) Ending cancer isn't just a pipe dream [play on words]. 4/09/2009
AD NO SEE EM
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun name for charity that supports blind people, something to do with eyes ~Edward, Wye, Kent, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
3/26/2009
SOXUAL TENSION
Dear Pun Gents, I am doing a project on sox genes and their involvement in nervous system development, and figure the word "sox" is too pun-worthy to pass up for the title. ~Daire, Cork, Ireland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WHOSE TOURNEY IS IT?
Dear Pun Gents, I need a name for a field hockey tournament with a witty pun on the word 'tournament.' Tournamental has been done but something along those lines would be rad! ~Sean, Leicester, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
OPHTHAL LOT OF NERVE
Dear Pun Gents, I am an optometry student and we are trying to make funny t-shirts. Do you have any optometry puns? ~Kacie, Bloomington, IN
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GENE SUMMONS
Dear Pun Gents, I'm looking for the name of a medical centre that includes the word gene. Thanks! ~Astrid, Brighton, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
ROLLY POLLY
Dear Pun Gents, could you help me with a roller derby name as well? I like pirates, ninjas, and Japan. Whatcha think? ~Megan, Johns Island, SC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
3/09/2009
GREYED EXPECTATIONS
Dear Pun Gents, something related to grey. ~Bob (long-time fan)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
3/06/2009
RUST IN PEACE
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a title of my science project dealing with the rusting of a wheel. ~Miles, Cincinatti, OH
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
3/05/2009
BLANK SLEIGHT (OF HAND)
Dear Pun Gents, anything magic related, playing cards etc. ~ Russ, London, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
I-SHOP
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about being a shopaholic. Thanks! ~Melissa, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (Long-time fan)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BACHELORETTES, OR BATCH OF HARLOTS?
Dear Pun Gents, I'm hosting a bachelorette party and I'd like to make name tags with slightly naughty fake pun names for the girls. I have a couple of examples: Carmen Geddit (Come and get it), Ima Teese (I'm a tease). I need 10 more if possible! ~Holly, New Orleans
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
2/27/2009
BE PRE PAREDY
Dear Pun Gents, a pun for a group of Cub Scouts going to day camp in the summer. The name of the camp is Camp Kiesel. ~Kent, Layton, UT
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
YOU'VE GOT SOME NIRVANA!
Dear Pun Gents, a pun on enlightenment, please. ~Sasmita, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
PEEDAL OVER THE PLACE
Dear Pun Gents, a pun that involves the themes '(20th) anniversary', 'cycling', and 'future plans'. ~Kate, Shrewsbury, Shropshire, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
LANE DUCKS
Dear Pun Gents, we need a bowling team name for a legal department in a health care system. ~Monica, Neptune, NJ
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
2/23/2009
DERBY TROUBLE COMING
Dear Pun Gents, I need a roller derby name. bad. I love vintage 50's robots and pin-up girls, Chuck Palahniuk, Holden Caulfield, Neko Case, and biology. Go! ~Jaime, Burlington, VT (Long-time fan)
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
ETHI DOES IT
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a clever paper title on the problems of state building in Ethiopia, related to ethnic federalism, Eritrea, or [Ethiopian prime minister] Meles Zenawi. ~Blair, Vancouver
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
DIABETEAM
Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name for the Tour de Cure for diabetes, a charity ride. It is a friend/family team; my wife Betsy has diabetes. We thought of Team (finger) PRICKS, but want some other ideas. ~Kent, Layton, UT
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
2/13/2009
FOREIGNICATION NATION
Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about working with (not for) foreign governments. ~Natalie, New York City
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOSTA
Dear Pun Gents, I need a kid-friendly pun on the composer's name 'Shostakovich' ~Randal, Madison, WI
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
2/10/2009
AVE ATQUE VALENTINE
Dear Pun Gents, I need a terrible (but clean) Valentine's Day pun. ~Timothy, Arlington, VA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
PUNS AND AMMO(NIA)
Dear Pun Gents, I need a catchy title for a science fair project comparing three types of cleaners used on cafeteria tables. I swabbed the table before and after and measured the bacteria that grew. There were lots of bacteria before the tables were cleaned and all cleaners (as well as water) did well cleaning the tables. ~Jeneen, Centreville, VA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1/26/2009
JAZZMATAZZ
Dear Pun Gents, something based on "Homerton Jazz play at the bar" for a gig. [Homerton is a college at Cambridge University] ~Sophie, Cambridge, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
JAIL US LOVERS
Dear Pun Gents, puns about inmates please. ~Sybilla, Austin, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GENITAL ORDER
Dear Pun Gents, am looking for a tagline for a male circumcision campaign to encourage uncircumcised males to do it, an HIV prevention initiative. ~Edwin, Nairobi, Kenya
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BUREAUCRASTINATION
Dear Pun Gents, I need a team name for a work group of evaluators that look to cut waste in government spending. ~Michael, Spokane, WA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
E.M. FORSTER'S LAGER
Dear Pungents, I'd like an alcohol-related pun on a famous English author or poet's name. Thanks! ~Will, Oxford, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1/14/2009
KISS MY GAS
Dear Pungents, our school is doing a "Santa goes green' concert, and the penguins are protesting the use of nonrenewable forms of energy. Got any slogans that the penguins might put on their protest signs? Thanks! ~Jill, Clearwater, FLA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT [a bit late for Xmas, sorry Jill!]
WHEN HARRY MET SALMAN
Dear Pungents, how about puns twisting famous authors' names into idioms? What got me started was seeing a shirt that said "My way or the Hemingway." What else can we do with author's names and idioms/aphorisms/cliches? Maybe if Shakespeare met Descartes... "I think therefore iamb?" ~Mike, Warren, OH
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
DON'T BE A POTTY POOPER
Dear Pungents, I need a pun about an ultrasound that shows that my baby won't be one of those pooping babies. ~Noetica, Oakland, CA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
11/12/2008
JOG THE MEMORY
Dear Pungents, I need a few good puns about cross-country running. ~Will, Atlanta, Georgia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SEE YOU IN HALOGEN!
Dear Pungents, a politically correct but still amusing pun for the element bromine, for a class assignment. ~Chloe, Fernandina Beach
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
11/10/2008
ELLIPTICAL BOHR BITS
Dear Pungents, I need something about Niels Bohr, preferably a physics joke. ~Samantha, Dallas-Forth Worth, Texas
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
LOST WAGES, NEVADA
Dear Pungents, a pun on gambling--dice rolls or luck-based. ~Alex, Belfast, Northern Ireland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
POW WOW
Dear Pungents, I'm a longtime World of Warcraft player and I need a pun for a Tauren deathknight for the upcoming expansion. Outdo "Grazethedead" please. ~Kurt, Bellevue, Washington
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
VAGEWELRY? TWAT DID YOU SAY?
Dear Pungents, I've got a line of jewelery based around vaginas. I'm looking for some puns based around vaginas for my website. Please help as I'm not funny ~Beth, Leeds, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
TEST OUR METAL
Dear Pungents, I need a pun that uses the word nickel, and incorporates the fact that it doesn't corrode. ~Rhiannon, Calgary, Alberta
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
10/18/2008
LET'S GET PHYSICS-ILL
Dear Gents, I need a pun that incorporates the sciences and music. Preferably from the current pop culture or maybe rap/reggaeton. ~Jazmin, La Jolla, CA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
VICTORY IS LONG OVERDUDE
Dear Gents, a group of my friends and I are in a Big Lebowski bowling tourney this weekend and need a team name. Any help? ~Jeff, Denver, CO
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
MORE WHITES BEHIND BARS?
Dear Pungents, I would like a pun about a white chocolate bar called White Delight. ~Beci, Liverpool, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
10/04/2008
MELISSAS OVER MALAYSIA
Dear Pungents, something with the name 'Melissa' please. ~Melissa, Johor Bahru, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT
ALL'S FAIRIE IN LOVE AND WAR
Dear Pungents, an aggressive name for a roller derby skater using the word pixie or fairie. ~Mark
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HERE'S A SLOW PITCH
Dear Pungents, I need something related to special education; irreverant is ok! I have taught sp.ed. for 18 years and have a great sense of humor about it. ~Christine, Cleveland, Ohio
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HORNY FOR SAX
Dear Pungents, I am making saxophone section T-shirts for a marching band, and would love to include a one-liner pun about saxes. Thanks! ~Julie, Denver, Colorado
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HOTEL WORKERS ON STRIKE
Dear Pungents, I need a 10-pin bowling team name. We are two guys and two girls; we're in the legal department for Hilton Hotels and we have just been taken over by a group called Blackstone. ~John, London, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HOOKED ON A FELINE
Dear Pungents, I play Toontown and want to name my black cat "Inna Galaxy Fur Away" but it keeps getting rejected. Any help with a play on words would be appreciated. Thanks a million! ~Tina, Louisville, Kentucky
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
CATEGORICAL NONSENSE
Dear Pungents, I need some puns for categories on an email I am sending: classical is the first, then R&B and soul, and hard rock and metal. ~Eve, Maidenhead
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
FOLLOW THE SMELLODY
Dear Pungents, my school choir is running a concession stand for various sports, and we want a musically related pun as a name for the stand, that might also have to do with us selling snacks. Any ideas? ~Callie, Florence, Oregon
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
9/17/2008
RHODES TO RICHES
Dear Pungents, I need a pun for an article about film stars (actors, directors etc) who go on to success after studying at Oxford University. I've got 'From dreaming spires to screaming admirers' but I need something punchier. ~Guy, Oxford, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
STEREO TYPING
Dear Pungents, can I get a few puns on racism? Not racist puns obviously—I'm mixed-race—but dealing with the subject, maybe making fun of racists if you understand. Thanks. Big up, keep doin ya things. ~Ed Azocul, Glucoseville
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
FARM TEAM
Dear Pungents, our touch football team needs a new name, we are being sponsored by a fruit and veg company so would love any reference to that to be a part of it. ~Steph, Brisbane, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
I LIKE BIG BATONS AND I CANNOT LIE
Dear Pungents, I need a pun for a marathon relay team name. Each member of the team will run a half-marathon for the first time. Thanks. ~Brian, New York City
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SUIT-ONYM
Dear Pungents, I need a team name for my law school intramural team. We will play (American) football, baseball, and a few other sports. Anything legal jargon-y will be great! ~Matt, Austin, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
NATURE NURTURE
Dear Pungents, a pun about getting children back to nature, as they are our future conservationists. ~Kendall, London, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
KEEP THE BALLS ROLLING
Dear Pungents, a pun for a four-person cycling team in the Real Man Challenge. Biking for testicular cancer ~Megan, London, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
8/27/2008
TOP OF THE GLASS
Dear Pungents, I need a pun using the word "score" or "lead" in reference to stained glass for a home-based business. ~Jennifer, Burlington, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1. In the Lead 2. Leader of the Glass 3. Leading Scorer Also 4. Blame it on the Stain 5. Glass Knows (if you've got Russian clients?) I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE BEACH TO GET MARRIED!
Dear Pungents, my sister is having a beach wedding, and I need something for a banner to put outside the reception hall AND to use at her bachelorette party. ~Leash, Mexico, Missouri
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
GIVE ME A CALL CUTTA
Dear Pungents, I use to have lot of friends when I was doing my MBA. But now no friends keep in touch. They don't even call. ~Apurva, Mumbia, India
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
7/24/2008
WE NEVER GET BOWLED OF THESE REQUESTS
Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name for three girls and a guy. We are all accountants at a CPA firm. Thanks so much. ~Sara, Destin, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
ANDRETTI, SET, GO
Dear Pungents, I am an Australian living in London, who is about to enter a cannonball-run type race across Europe called the Scumball 3000, with another Aussie. Four days to cross Europe, no rules, max car cost 500. We need a good name for our car team, something that hints at travel. All I got is the John Cole Train Delays and Ceribal Pallbearers. Any help would be appreciated. band names funny. Mention of speed / famous racers/ Steve McQueen is awesome. Help me Obi Wan... ~Dave, London, UK
AS THE PUN GENT SEE IT:
7/14/2008
THE RUG MUNCHERS
Dear Pungents, I need a short-ish pun for the Oxford women's rugby team going on tour to Belgium. can be rude. ~Laura, Oxford, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WE DING YOU
Dear Pungents, I need a name for a shop selling bridesmaid dresses —something like Maid in Heaven etc that is unique and isn't taken. 'Damsels in Dis-Dress' was not suitable apparently. ~Steve, Glasgow, Scotland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
YOU CAN SMELL THE RAW FISH
Dear Pungents, apparently there's a scene in the Sex in the City movie where a girl is naked except for sushi... I thought this must have pun-tential but couldn't come up with the goods myself. Please help! ~Andy, Leeds, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
5/26/2008
VOW FACTOR
Dear Pungents, wedding puns please. ~Janet, Saint John, NB
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
BAND AID SOLUTION
Dear Pungents, I'm making a music site for musicians to network, and want to use the word 'band' and something else. It will be for the URL. ~Mollie, Spokane, WA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT
RELAY HOT CHICKS
Dear Pungents, I and seven other college-age women are competing in an 80-mile relay called Woods to Water. We need a team name that could also serve as inspiration for costumes. Help!
~Sara, Northfield, MN AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
WILD RECORD HOLDER
Dear Pungents, this service is ace! Well done. I'm going to be talking to a group of conservationists soon and would like puns based around the words 'wildlife' or 'wild', with a nature/adventure theme. If you can help that'd be amazing. cheers. ~Matt, Bristol, England
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
SAND THIS INVITATION
Dear Pungents, I need beach-related puns I can use on posters to inform and invite our hospital intensive care staff to a beach party. ~Brendon, Columbus, OH
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
5/01/2008
QUIT TASSLIN' ME, MAN
Dear Pungents, puns about strippers please. ~Sophie, Luton, England
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
TEAM BUILDING
Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name. The team consists of two guys and two girls and we are in the architecture field. ~Fred, Dallas, TX
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
HARDSCRABBLE EXISTENCE
Dear Pungents, a pun for a a friend's 25th birthday. She is a great fan of Scrabble and a part-time go-go dancer. ~Jason, New York City
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
TURKEY SOLUTION
Dear Pungents, we need a name for our bowling team. We work for the Ontario Works office in Norfolk County. Any assistance would be appreciated. ~Janice, Simcoe, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
4/30/2008
JETIPUS COMPLEX
Dear Pungents, a pun about psychologist suffering from jet lag. ~John, Galway, Ireland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
JUST ALLELE TOO SEXY
Dear Pungents, I'm doing a presentation on the ethics of gene patents, so a few puns with 'gene' or 'patents' would make good slide headers. ~Alvin, Deland, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
COLON, FULL STOP
Dear Pungents, a name for school cafeteria cooks, please. ~Linda, Lumberton, MS
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
4/07/2008
CASEY AT DEBIT
Dear Pungents, we are a chartered accounting firm (KPMG) that needs a name for the company slo-pitch team. ~Curtis, Kelowna, BC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Don't Mess with Taxes 2) The Fiscal Specimens 3) Team Gross 4) Debtor up! 5) Escrow Yourselves 6) Champions of FIFO 7) Long Drive to the GAAP 8) Junk Bonds YOU KNOW WHAT THYMINE...
Dear Pungents, a genome-sequencing-related softball team name please! ~Purnima, Boston, MA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Allele Leaguers 2) The DNAsty 3) Genome Runs 4) DeoxyRBIboses (ack that's pretty bad) 2/27/2008
GOODBYE, MY HART
Dear Pungents, my uncle, Pembroke Hart, recently passed and I will be saying a few words at his service. He loved puns and I want to end my speech with one in his honour. He was a geologist and amateur star gazer. He was loved by many and had a kind heart. Can you help me? I think Hart and heart are definitely in the pun. Thanks! ~Laura, Annandale, Virginia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) He was a geologist. Underneath the many layers is how you get to a man's Hart, after all. 2) I'm left Hart-broken. 3) He was all heart. And a Hart act to follow. 4) He loved puns. Harty Harty Har. 5) He also loved to stare at the heavens through his telescope, as the stars illuminated the sky. I guess you'd say he had a light Hart. SON OF A PITCH
Dear Pungents, I need a name for my dental school softball team; something more catchy than Dent-in Your Face and Cavity Search--which is what we used last year. Thanks for the help! ~Jack, Philadelphia, PA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1. Wins and Flosses 2. Who Caries? 3. The Bat Dentists 4. The Bucky Dents 5. The Plaque Socks 2/20/2008
SHINY HAPPY PATHOGENS
Dear Pungents, I'm working on a science experiment having to do with temperature and its effects on luminescent bacteria. We need a catchy name for the title. Thanks a bunch. ~Jamie, Hillsboro, Kansas
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Shiny Happy Photobacterium 2) Lightening Rhodococcus of Controversy 3) Glow in the Dokdonella 4) The Battle of Thermophile 2/07/2008
LA TRIVIATA
Dear Pungents, we need a team name for an art trivia contest. Heavily considering your "Jackson Potlucks," since we are in Minnesota. Any other ideas? Thanks! ~Tiffany, Rochester, MN
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) The Leonerdos! 2) House of Paint 3) Pollock Bollock 4) Geek Architecture 5) The Baroquerage 1/14/2008
BIG NAME HUNTERS
Dear Pungents, I need a bowling team name for charity bowling tournament. Fairly clean is the requirement. The company sells hunting and fishing licenses if you can work that in. ~Helen, Nashville, TN
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Hooker's Lane." 2) "Spare Fishers." 3) "Shotgun alley." 1/03/2008
ALTOIDS GOVERN MINTS
Dear Pungents, Please give unto the world a pun regarding government. ~Colin, Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "I live in a satirical state. It's a them-mock-racy." 2) "Politicians should take care in a demockracy - a sassy nation is always a possibility." 3) "We'd try to think of US government puns, but we're too bushed." 4) "Does Japan have a buy-camera parliament?" 5) "It's no surprise that Hillary is running for president - she always wanted to be the senator of attention." BOWLED AND THE BEAUTIFUL
Dear Pungents, need a bowling team name pun that also incorporates substance abuse and/or disciplinary action. Bonus points if it also incorporates lawyers/the law. Thanks!!! ~Matt, Chicago, Illinois
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Lane down the law." 2) "Lucky strikes bowling" 3) "Here come the cops - we'd better split!" 4) "Pins and Needles." 5) "Spare me a dime for some lucky strikes?" 9/06/2007
INTELLEXICAL PROPERTY RIGHTS
Dear Pungents, I'd like a pun for patent attorneys: anything to do with science and technology, inventions, and/or the law. ~Charmaine, Denver, Colorado
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "The Belgians are upset that they never get credit for the invention of fries. It's a case of copyright inFrenchment." 2) "Pornstars acquire property rights for their films at the trademark orifice." 3) "Counterfeit perfumes are in violation of lie-scentsing agreements." 4) "Patent law: aka the Statute of Imitations." CRAP ARTISTS
Dear Pungents, puns please on the following words/topics: gun, gangster, grime, music , rap , freestyle, fresh. ~Xavier, Brighton, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Someone's gunna get shot! 2) "Clean up your act, because grime doesn't pay." 3) "I didn't see the hitman's target. Did Al Cap one?" 4) "Too many cooks spoil the broth. Especially with gang-stirs." 5) "Ancient Greeks builders were known for their frieze-tiling. When they tried to throw down rhymes they didn't throw up no bricks." 8/14/2007
TOOTH OR DARE
Dear Pungents, I'm making a documentary film about dental floss. (Really.) I think I've come up with a good title: "Hanging by a Thread: A Dental Floss Documentary." And a good tag line: "There is more to floss than meets the tooth." But I wanted to check if you have other suggestions. Gary Hallock told me about your site. I'm writing a book of puns and Gary wrote the foreword for it. Thanks for your help! ~Gary, Boston, MA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) The Thin Thread Line 2) Tooth or Dare 3) Profit and Floss 4) Flossed and Found 5) There is more to floss than meets the eyetooth 6) Flosstitution isn't just for johns 7) Flossing - don't get caried away! 8/07/2007
TENNIS THE MENACE
Dear Pungents, I'm on a women's tennis team in San Francisco. We're looking for a clever name for our team. Any thoughts? ~Nina, San Francisco
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Elle Deuces (El Duce) 2) The Racketteers 3) The Rackettes 4) Microserves (Microserfs) 5) The Lob-yists 6) Sets in the City 6/26/2007
TETE DU MERDEKA
Dear Pungents, "Malaysia's 50th Merdeka is so meaningful because..." ~Melissa, Johor Bahru, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "We now enjoy a good Kuala-ty of life." 2) "We're all decked with jewelry. That's why we celebrate in de' pendants." 3) "Because a George colony is much less sexy than George Clooney." 4) "We've reached middle Asian we're having fun!" ISLAND HIGHLANDS
Dear Pungents, I need a pun for my sister who is doing a master's in archaeology in the Orkney Islands, Scotland. Her name is Shannon. ~Mike, Halifax, Nova Scotia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Haggis yourself a good time! They'll be lots of Scottish Shannonigans!" 2) "Careful, I heard those islands are pretty disOrkneyized." 3) "Those who study arc heel ology are never caught flat footed." 5/03/2007
MOLLUSKED IN YONKERS?
Dear Pungents, My wife is a professional ballerina who is retiring after 16 years. A solo has been created for her incorporating a theme of seashells. I'm proud of my own punmanship, and I don't want to mussel in on your territory, but I figured I'd call out the heavy artillery for this one. There's a big retirement party for her, and I want as many "shell" references (without straying too far into the overall "ocean" or "fish" themes). I've got the obvious: Lawrence Whelk, shellfish/selfish, but I'll take any assistance you guys can come up with! With friends like you guys, who needs anemones? ~Lorne, Winnipeg, MB
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Meet George Jetsam. 2) Sea shells Sanctuary (the Cult song, hello??) 3) She's Prawn Quixote and I'm her Concho Panza. 4) Oh, the clamity! 5) I hope the critics won't chiton her routine. 6) If Pat Sajak were here he'd ask 'Would you like to bi a valve?' 7) We thought about calling it 'Return to Sander'. 8) This place has pretty good fossilities. 9) I'm lucky to have my wife. I'm glad she was the marine type. 4/23/2007
BOWLING FOR LOVERS
Dear Pungents, We're about to join a couples bowling league and need a team name. Thanks! ~Jason and Karen, Cumberland, RI
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Clark Kent and Lois Lane 2) (Don't) Strike Your Spouse 3) Love to Spare 4) We're not Splitsville! (all plays on words) 4/02/2007
JAY-V
Dear Pungents, please describe my job as a professional video producer: I shoot and edit video tours of 'reel estate' for sale or rent. The videos can be produced for other businesses, too. Finally, these short films are for streaming on the Internet. ~Jay, Providence, Rhode Island
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Jay V See 2) Jay-V's Home Videos 3) Veni Vidi Video. 4) Short films aka Vidgets 5) The ProdiJay 6) "See videos of your new home on Jay's Internest Streaming." 3/18/2007
AMERICASA E SU CASA
Dear Pungents, I'm taking a group of high school girls to Spain for spring break, and we're making t-shirts for the trip. Any ideas for a good Spanish pun? My dad suggested the old "Jose, can you see" joke. Can you all do better? Thanks. ~Kathleen, Marion, Kentucky
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) No Spain, no gain 2) Basque in the glow 3) Iberia? I hear ya! 4) Who's pain for this vacation anyway? 5) We're having a paella of fun. 6) The Toureadors 7) Maraca and roll! 8) Sevillization, here we come. 9) Kentucky girls get drunk in Barsaloona. 10) The Star Spanglish Banner! 3/17/2007
DANCE IN YOUR PANTS!
Dear Pungents, I am part of a UK dance troupe and we are looking for a name for ourselves. We were thinking something to do with 'north', 'angels', 'dance' etc. The best we came up with was Independance, but it's taken. Please help us. Thanks! ~Lisa, Newcastle, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
3/14/2007
MARCH 14 - IT'S PYRO DAY!
Dear Pungents, a pyromania pun please! ~Kate, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Hear about the lousy pyromanic, who was fired from his job? He went on the Arsonio Hall show to complain. 2) Hear about the mathematician who torched his house on March 14? He was quite the pi rho. 3) Comedian Richard was a pryoromaniac. 4) Pyromaniacs aren't very hardworking. They're always blazing on the job. 5) Pyromania puns are awful. They're the flamest of jokes. 3/12/2007
THE NAME IS SCHOOL... HIGH SCHOOL.
Dear Pungents, something relating to my school motto, incorporating 'light' or 'enlightenment' or James Bond and light (referring to the year seeing as its 007), would be very much appreciated. Our motto is 'Light come visit me.' ~Emily, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "After graduation, get on a flight! Come visit me." 2) "Lichen, visit me! I'll moss everyone from 2007! We had fungus! Shaloam!" 3) '"007 - It's been a bonderful year." 4) "James Bond was an Irish-Arab Swede. They called him Dubai O'Sven." 2/21/2007
THE AUTHORROR!
Dear Pungents, I need puns on English and American writers. ~Anna, Gomel, Belarus
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Hemingway was quite overweight in his later years, when he wrote For Whom Belt Holes." 2) "Joseph Conrad wrote about an evil wind that blinds men's eyes. It was called Fart of Darkness." 3) "Who was hung like a horse? 'S'a mule johnson." 4) "Which playwright was always agitating his friends? Shakespeer." 5) "Hear that Dickens wrote a sequel to Melville's Moby Dick? He called it A Whale of Two Titties." 6) "Jane Austen's epic about frugality? Cents and Sensibility." 7) "Kurt Vonnegut Jr. is a master of dark comedy. He put the laughter in Slaughterhouse 5." 2/14/2007
A NEW ZEAL AND ZEST!
Dear Pungents, I'm in New Zealand and hungry for, nay demanding, puns associated with my temporary home. ~Peter, Wellington, NZ
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Want to know about New Zealand? Look it up on Kiwipedia!" 2) "I bought a kiwi at a silent auckland." 3) "If I move to Wellington, I'm going to run for Maori." 4) "Didn't the Beatles write a song about the Isle of Taxman?" 5) "Will New Zealanders ever get over their constitutional confusion? Let's Wait an gi." 6) "Punsters love New Zealand. Didn't Peter Jackson film Lord of the Zings there? (The shoot was well orcanized, and the films quite ent-ertaining.)" 7) "The way they treated the aboriginals is absolutely appolynesian." 2/01/2007
NICKELBACTERIA
Dear Pungents, can you think of one that somehow integrates Nickelback and how much they suck? P.S. it has to be extra witty. ~Jamie, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Nickelback offends all five centses." 2) "They should have called the song Fyodor on the Floor - b/c it's a crime and punishment." 3) "What made me stop listening to Nickelback? All the right reasons." 4) "The only reason I don't plant my fist in Chad Kroeger's face, is that I'd want my knuckles back." 5) "Feces how you remind me of what I really am..." 1/21/2007
PUNTASY?
Dear Pungents, I need a pun combining a fantasy creature (fairy, pixie, etc) with a graphic design term. ~Laura, Charlotte, NC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Images of fairies tend to be quite pixiellated." 2) "Photography? Yes I enjoy snapping pixies." 3) "What's the elf-stop for this camera?" 4) "Do Photoshop dragons live in secret underground layers?" 5) "I couldn't tell what the princess looked like, because she wore an image mask." (play on words) 6) "Graphic design involves a lot of dragon dropping." 7) "Photoshop is fairy difficult to understand." 8) "When coding graphics for a fantasy video game, always check your sorceror-code." 12/28/2006
JAZZICAL?
Dear Pungents, I need a pun with the words jazz and classical music, something like 'he's a jazzical artist', meaning he plays classical and jazz and also rocks. Thanks. ~Arax, Yerevan, Armenia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Mozzart. Strauzz. Debuzzy: Classical, meet jazz: " 2) "Top of the clazz." 3) "Jazz + classical: kickassical." 4) "Choral jazz chanting: the Thelonius Monks?" 12/11/2006
MAID TO ORDER
Dear Pungents, a pun on maids as live-in helpers. Thanks. ~Angel, Singapore
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "A live-in housekeeper should be quiet. In fact she ought to be anannymous. 2) "Live-in housemaids should never talk back. No ifs ands or butlers." 3) "For lazy aristocratic existentialists like Sartre, Help is other people." 4) "I like having a live in maid. Help aupairs whenever I need it." 5) "Mafia types always have housekeepers. Because they're maid men." 11/16/2006
RESISTANCE IS FERTILE
Dear Pungents, a pun about birth control or contraceptives. ~Andrea, Green Bay, Wisconsin
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Sorry, Andrea, we're really firing blanks here!" 2) "Does one buy contraception at a condominium?" 3) "Hear about the dyslexic couple who got drunk and tried to conceive while driving? Unfortunately it was a case of IUD." 4) "What's a better contraceptive: The Sperminator, or the Great Wall of Vagina? Well, the latter was impregnable" 5) "Do those who work at a sperm bank use the withdrawal method?" 10/24/2006
FREAKQUATIONS
Dear Pungents, a good pun i can use in my algebra class - not using 'division as the vision' or a pencil being pointless. Thank you ~Andrew, Fairfield, Connecticut
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Are algebra students smart? Yes, they are vari able individuals." 2) "The hair-obsessed algebra student was careful to check his coifficient." 3) "Did the mathematicians in The Matrix drive invertibles?" 4) "Are mathematicians heavy sleepers? Yes, they have BEDMAS." 10/20/2006
YOUTH THE MAN
Dear Pungents, a pun about youth. ~Nicole, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Children have value. They're very youthful." 2) "Penning youth puns is not as easy as youth ink." 3) "Who was the father of child psychology? Carl Jung." 4) "Some people think the ill and elderly should have the option of killing themselves - especially in heavily populated Eastern countries. But I disagree. Who will look after the youth in Asia?" 9/27/2006
SHAKING THE BEAUTY
Dear Pungents, a pun about something that will improve and revive skin elasticity, restore collagen effectively, maintain beautiful youthful and supple skin, prevent aging. ~Chen, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "What the elderly lack in beauty, they make up for in intelligence. Each old person is aging-ius (a genius)." 2) "Youthfulness isn't simply genetic - agene can't prevent aging." 3) "Kinky? Skin's key." 4) "Skin conditioners don't work well. There's always a wrinkle or two." 5) "Those who go to beauty collagen don't just pay lips service." 6) "Jesus gave away all His revitalizing skin creams - at the Last Supple." 9/25/2006
YOU GOTTA BELEAHVE
Dear Pungents, a pun on 'Leah'. ~Heather, Valdosta
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Leahve me alone 2) One Life to Leahve. 3) Leahway 4) Princess Leah 5) PLeah bargaining 6) Leahther pants 9/21/2006
POCKET TO YA, FOOLS!
Dear Pungents, I want to make fun of my friend's moniker. A pun on 'fool' and 'pocket' please. Thanks! ~Ryan, Bristol, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Is your pocket fool or are you just happy to see me?" 2) "Man, I suck at pool. Focket!" 3) When Mr. T lost weight he could finally get into his hot tub. He said "I fitty the pool!" 4) (in a parking lot) "If all the spots are fool, then take your car and pocket over there." 9/15/2006
ANOTHER STAB
Dear Pungents, I need one of your finest puns, regarding a "Sword" and a "God" in the same pun preferably. Thanks a lot fellas, keep up that good shit! Stay blessed. ~Marsellus, Manchester, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Listen to the Sword of God. 2) Excalibur is quite ornately decorated. It is a sword with divine properties - and so by rights it should be Goddy. 3) I was struck down by God's sword, in one foil swoop. I was scimitarred and feathered. I was blade to rest. 4) Without his divine blade at his side, the chief Greek deity was absolutely Zeusless. 5) I was wounded by the Norse God's battleaxe, and I'm still feeling Thor. 9/13/2006
MOVE GROOVE
Dear Pungents, our friend Steve is moving from Nashville to Fort Myers, Florida. He loves BBQ, coffee & bad puns, and is an inspector for homeland security. ~Alex, Nashville, TN
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Steve, everyone admyers you for moving out of town." 2) "You won't ever see another tennis match, now that you're leaving Tennis-see! And the barbecues in Fort Myers certainly won't be as good as in Noshville!" 3) "Steve's love of caffeine sometimes gets in the way of catching terrorists. For example, he was a bit confused when he thought the Lybian dictator was Moammar Good-Coffee (Khadaffi, get it? ...yikes)!" VITAMIN VERBIAGE
Dear Pungents, I need a pun for a charity leaflet to help under-nourished children in Malaysia. Something to do with vitamin C, chewable tablets, protein/carbohydrate deprivation, food scarcity and such. Thanks. ~Chen, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Make a donation and you'll C the difference. 2) When we C malnourished children on the street, we invitamin for food! 3) The food shortages in Kuala Lampur are distressing. It's scare city! 4) Vitamin tablets. Chews life. 5) Let's take the 'malady' out of Malaysia. 9/07/2006
LOOK WHO RODENT TO TOWN
Dear Pungents, I'm putting on a school play and I need a better title than "The Pied Piper of Hamelin" - references to pipers, pipes, or rats would be marvelous! ~John, Sydney, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) One Flute Over the Cuckoo's Nest 2) Ratman Begins - now on Piper-View (it's a moused-see!) 3) The Verminator 4) Murder, She Rodent 5) The Pied Piper of Hamelin - a brilliant one-man plague 8/23/2006
LIBRAIRHEAD
Dear Pungents, a woman I work with does not pronounce the word 'library' properly. She says "lie-berry" as in, "If I do an interlieberry loan can I take the book out of the building?". She's in her late 20s, not kindergarten. It's starting to freak me out. I'd like to correct her without sounding like little-miss-micro-manager-pants. ~Ainsley, Ottawa, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "I have to be honest with people when they make mistakes. I don't lie berry well." 2) "You know which country is most mispronounced? Liberia." 3) "You know what my favourite fruit is? Strawbraries. I also like bluebraries." [repeat for as many berries as there are] FEET ME A LINE
Dear Pungents, I am a podiatrist, I work with feet. I know the obvious ones, but if I have to put up with smelly feet, I'd like to inflict puns as revenge. Please help! ~Ali, Sydney, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Man you got some stinky feet. What do I look like - a poodiatrist?" 2) "Take care of your feet. Don't make me say I toe'd you so!" 3) "What's stinkier than an union bun? A bunion pun." 4) "I met a cute chick who had a nasty infection. I didn't care though, she's a fun gal." 5) "Podiatry is ironic. Cuticles, for example, are ugly." 6) "A toes, to podiatry! It puts foot on my table." 7/30/2006
ITALIAN SCALLIONS
Dear Pungents, a pun about Italian food please. ~Bluey, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Veni vidi, vino - I came, I saw, I drank." 2) "Do Italians make dog food? Yes - kenneloni!" 3) "Which dish is most addictive? Smackaroni and cheese." 4) "What's the riskiest Italian recipe? Ricotta, with your pants down!" 5) "You shouldn't eat turtleini - it's endangered." 6/24/2006
BOATYLICIOUS
Dear Pungents, We need a name for our boat which includes a reference to our dog - a Labrador. We're stuck, and "Lab-Oar of Love" doesn't quite cut it. ~R.J., Lake Forest, Illinois
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Waves labbing up against the dog 2) A boatiful dog 3) A Boat a Dog 4) Labbing it up! 5) Labia of Love 6) The Lab Oaratory 7) Blabbermouth 8) Label Fish (like babel fish) 6/15/2006
SUCK ON THIS
Dear Pungents, a pun please about vacuum cleaners ~Dennis, Bozeman, Montana
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Do vacuum salesmen drive Hoovercrafts?" 2) "The wealthy owner of the septic-tank cleaning company ran a suck-cesspool operation." 3) "Broken vacuum cleaners suffer from suck-ual frustration." 4) "What's a vacuum's favourite author? Dustoyevsky." 5) "Vacuum cleaner repairmen get so lonely. They've seen a lot of hose." MATHED MARVEL
Dear Pungents, could I please get a pun about math? ~Derek, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "What happens when you put together two rolls of single-ply toilet tissue? They multi-ply." 2) "Which mathematician liked bearskin rugs? Fermat." 3) "Before Leibniz and Newton, mathematicians were racist. There was no integration." (play on words) 5/20/2006
ROLLANDA FLOOR?
Dear Pungents, I need a roller-derby name; please refer here for examples. Everything I come up with is already taken, but I will give you due credit: this is your chance to play a part in roller-derby history! Check my website to get an idea of things I'm into - and come up with a tailor-made derby-name for me! ~Liz, St. Louis, Missouri
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Skatanica 2) AGotha (Anti)Christie 3) Art Skull (with umlaut above the u) 4) Bang Her Management 5) ELiza, I Make you Cryza 6) Genital CRashes 7) Queen Cobrassiere 8) The MuSicilian Mafia BUCK YOU!
Dear Pungents, I participate in a group involved in currency tracking and would like some puns related to banknotes. Love your site, and I think if anyone can come up with some funny money puns, it's the Gents! ~Jocelyn, Vancouver, BC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Currency puns tend to be real kroners." 2) "Scientists are still working on the origins of the Big Bank." 3) "If coin-collecting is numismatics, is banknote-collecting Loomismatics?" 4) "Can I offer you some paper mint T...bills?" 5) "Did you ever know that you're my euro?..." 6) "Why are there problems with counterfeiting of large bills? If the bills are so large, they shouldn't fit on counters!" 4/23/2006
GIVE ME YOUR FORKING MONEY!
Dear Pungents, I need a pun that links biking to a charity campaign my office is running for an umbrella organization representing 16 health charities. Something that puts "bike" and "give money" together. ~ Kristen, Toronto
<
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Does cycling ring a bell? It certainly has a peal! 2) Biking + Charity = fun-raising 3) Join us on our highway to health 4) Our bicycles have spoke volumes! 5) Cycling for health - it's a wheel blast! THE CLAWT THICKENS
Dear Pungents, I need puns that include the words (or sound) "claw" and generally has a good connotation. Example, "Clawmpliment", "Clawmmendation"' ~ Kathy, Greeley, Colorado
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Clawn Bowling 2) Clawng and lean 3) Layin' down the claw 4) What time is it? 12 O'Clawck 5) Clawck a doodle doo 6) Santa Claws 7) Eating too much will clawg your arteries 8) The dutch wear clawgs 9) There's lots of gold in the Klawndike BONUSES: 10) This pun request is clawbbering me over the head 11) This is a clawckamamie request SUN OFF A BEACH
Dear Pungents, I need something related to the beach/summer, etc. for door prize raffles for a summer-thremed party. ~ Eve, Medford, New York
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Shell out for some great prizes 2) Surf a good cause - enter our raffle 3) You win sun and you lose sun... 4) Tan-talizing prizes! 6) Mind if I Hasselhoff you for a raffle? 7) Win some outdoor prizes! 3/28/2006
VIRTUIN' THE FAT?
Dear Pungents, A pun on faith, hope and charity - or "I lift mine eyes up to the heavens." Thank you - it's punishment trying to think of one myself. ~Avery, Port Elizabeth, South Africa
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Faith isn't spiritual, it's physical. My faith is located in my bodily organs; because I'm a be liver." 2) "The theological virtues are addictive. I'm hoped up on drugs!" 3) "I'd give you the shirt off my back. It's an act of share a tee." 4) "Faith is an action, not a quality. Trust me, I used to be noun believer." (a tad esoteric?) 5) "I was once a stripper, but I converted and turned from my immoral ways. Now it's 'I lift mine eyes up to the heavens', but as an exotic dancer it used to be 'I lift my nasty up to the heathens!'" 3/27/2006
PUNS ON THE RUN
Dear Pungents, I need a punny name for a community running club I'm setting up. For example there is a group known as Gunn Runners - Gunn being where they live, and gun also slang meaning 'talented'. We are currently the Sunshine Runners Group; our area is famous for the Sunshine Harvester and I have nothing! ~Sean, Sunshine, Victoria, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: (first, some generic ones) 1) Sunshine Sweathearts 2) Kangarunners 3) Marathunder 4) The Sunshine Run Swine - We're Pigs For It! (and more specific to the Harvester) 5) The Sunshine Harvesters: No Pain, No Grain 6) The Leg Gents [legends] of the Sunshine Harvester 7) Sunshine Harvester Squad: Running at our Wheat's End 9) Runners of the Mill 8) The Harvesters: Fun + Run, Combined! 3/09/2006
PUNGUINS?
Dear Pungents, something to do with animals, please. ~Naomi, Aloha, Oregon
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) How much does a chicken impersonator cost? A bok. 2) And are horses agreeable? Nay. 3) Are cats hypochondriac? Meow. 4) Do suckling pigs play tittely-oinks? 5) Do artsy German goats listen to Baa-haus music? 2/11/2006
OPERA HA
Dear Pungents, I need a punny headline for my article about our volunteers at the Canadian Opera Company. It's an article that talks about how great our volunteers are and encourages others to get involved. Got any suggestions? ~Mariza, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Their hard work brings volunteers to our eyes." 2) "Volunteering at the COC - can you Handel it?" 3) "Our volunteers really run the show; it's the tail Wagnering the dog." 4) Quote from a volunteer: "I love showing people to their seats... 'Aisle B, Back' next season for sure." 5) "Our volunteers orchestrate the production." (play on words) 6) "Join our Wolf gang!" 7) "Our volunteers are some pretty phat ladies." 2/03/2006
JAVA GOOD TIME?
Dear Pungents, Can you come up with a pun for the host of a computers & technology awards ceremony? Thanks! ~Adam, Orlando, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Don't give anyone here a sandwich. They'll take a thousand megabites." 2) "I thought I'd Cobol together a few jokes. But they were too Basic. So I'll be Turing over a new leaf. Let's C, plus plus..." 3) "I was late getting here. I was locked up in my Fortran." 4) "Java good time so far?" 5) "Welcome to my humble Adobe (pronounced A-dowb)." 6) "It was a hard drive coming to this ceremony!" 7) "My friend dug his finger in his nose with gusto, and was so happy when he found something. I guess you could say he was picks-elated?" (ok a bit too much) 8) "I decided to get a sharper monitor. It's my New Year's resolution." 9) "Computers make my mother bored." WIENER SNICKER or HA-HA-HAGGIS
Dear Pungents, I would like a few puns to say at a wedding for two friends: Timm, an Austrian and Eileen a Scot. ~Ron, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Timm looks like the clear Vienner in this wedding." 2) "Timm said 'Don't be sheepish, you can lean on me.' She said, 'That's right, Eileen on ewe.'" 3) "When they first met, Timm said 'Can I sit beside you?' She said in her accent 'Aye, lean!'" 4) If she turns out to be a cannibal, their love will not German-ate. 1/26/2006
AROUND THE CURLED
Dear Pungents, can you give me a fictitious country's 'olympic team name' for a curling bonspiel? ~Coralie, Salmon Arm, BC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) I-rock 2) Estoneia 3) Ice-land (and you're from Rinkjavik!) 4) Sweepistan 5) Skiptzerland 6) North or South Curlina 1/25/2006
BRIDE AND GROAN
Dear Pungents, here's a challenge: I need a pun to put on a pen to pass out at a friend's wedding. (It's a tradition in our little friend-group to pass out the pens) She's a smartly dressed designer and he's an engineer. They both like to work out. ~Laura, Chicago, IL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) This pen is for marking the occasion! (POW) 2) Modern pens are the perfect marriage of design and engineering (not a pun) 3) This isn't a marker.. It's a pen, silly! 4) The bride and groom's workouts will hereby consist solely of sexercise. 5) The groom is de-signing his life away. 1/14/2006
SMART BALMS
Dear Pungents, I wanted to make lip balms called "Balm Shells" but that name is taken. I need a clever name for a personality-based lip balm, very girly. ~Natalie, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Lipstream 2) Tulip Balm 3) La Balmba 4) Labial me Lovely 5) Loose Lips 6) Hiplips 7) Liposexy (better than liposuction you'll agree) 8) Miss Kiss/Missy Kissy 9) Lipsterine 10) Nape Lipogon (like Lake Nipigon? no...) 1/04/2006
SANTA TO HEAVEN
Dear Pungents, a pun please about the death of Santa. ~Sophie, Manchester, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "He was taken by Satan's claws." 2) "He couldn't take the stress of Xmas. So he sleighed himself." 3) "Santa is no longer present." (play on words) 4) "He got kicked in the head by a karate expert... It was the missile toe." 5) "He shook like a bowl full of napalm jelly." (not really a pun, but couldn't resist) 6) "Jolly Old St. Nicked in the Jugular?" 7) "In France they're calling him Pere No-More." 8) "He ate too many elfelfa sprouts." 12/02/2005
IT'S A LAWNDERFUL LIFE?
Dear Pungents, a catchy name for a garden maintenance business, please. Thanks! ~Samuel, Plymouth, Cornwall, UK
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Hoes and John [Deeres] 2) Hoesanna 3) Thumberjacks 4) Plant Parenthood 5) Lawnscapings 6) GardenGuard 7) Hedge Fun Management 8) You Bet Your Grass! 9) Cheshire-Cat Green [grin] 10) Total Soddisfaction [for lawn maintenance] 11) The Green Lawntern RUG LAWS
Dear Pungents, could I please have a pun about a rugby playing lawyer? I like chocolate cheesecake. I'd also like to be a Punshine Boy. ~James, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "A defense attorney who plays rugby has to deal with the scrum of the earth." 2) "After the game, my two colleagues and I pig out with a triple-lawyer cheesecake." 3) "If Michael Jackson played rugby, would he get flagged by the touch judge?" 4) "The rugby-playing lawyer lived a double life: by day prosecuting johns in the courthouse, but at night practising as a hooker." 11/25/2005
GROANERAL ELECTRIC?
Dear Pungents, I see Mark has beaten me to the request [see 10/26 POD]. I too was going to ask about a t-shirt slogan; this time it's for the electrical engineer's shirt. Last year's was 'CMOS run'. Funny ideas might include ideas:
-any of Maxwell's equations, electricity/magnetism laws: Ampere's Law, Faraday's Law, Gauss' Law, Coulomb's Law -the signal processing sinc function; the Fourier series -circuit devices: MOSFETs, diodes, capacitors/inductors/resistors, maybe Thevenin/Norton techniques, phasor analysis Thanks a lot! ~Greg, Toronto AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Who else loves diodes, capacitors and inductors? Check us out: we're circuits freaks!" 2) "What are the favourite cookies of electrical engineers? Mr. Thevenin and Mr. Norton." 3) "Don't resist us - you'll get ohmed!" 4) "We don't shave; women like it Fourier." [have to mispronounce it] 5) "Electrical engineers are horny... you're giving me Max Swell!" 6) "We get it right the first time; everything else is re-volting." 11/19/2005
SODA & GOMORRAH
Dear Pungents, a pun please about advertisements concerning the company Pepsi. ~Kristin, Vancouver, BC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Forget rotting teeth, these ads are rotting my brain. Somebody better col-a fizzician!" 2) "When I watch their commercials, it's pap see!" 3) "Another darn Pepsi ad? I feel like I'm being soda-mized!" 11/07/2005
MOM BOMB
Dear Pungents, I just saw you on Speakers Corner... I want a pun about - YOUR MOTHER! ~Mark, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT 1) "Your mother's so stew-pita [stupid], she runs a soup + falafel place!" 2) "Your mother's so ogle-y [ugly], she looks at other men!" 3) "Your mother's sofa-@ [fat], she has her own couch website!" MELON DE GENERALS?
Dear Pungents, I would like a chortle-worthy comment for writing on a watermelon, for use in a catapult. ~Tim, Nelson, New Zealand
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "We're getting melon-evil [medieval] on your ass!" 2) "It's a fruit-d'etat!" 3) "I'll seed you in mel!" [I'll see you in hell?... ouch] 4) "Spit-fire? I bet you never seed this coming!" 10/30/2005
THE SWIM JIMS?
Dear Pungents, I'm looking for something witty for a swim team t-shirt. Ideas? ~Molly, Portland, Oregon
AS THE PUNGENTS SEE IT: 1. "Strokin it hard - We're the breast!" 2. Freestylin' 3. "No Spitzing in the pool" 4. "I pity the pool!" (Mr. T image/voice needed) 5. All Goggley-Eyed 6. "We ain't lane down for nobody." 7. Chlorus Girls 8. Chlorine Dream 10/26/2005
SPACE CASE
Dear Pungents, I'm a grad student at the U of T Institute for Aerospace Studies, and our Aerospace Student Association needs a punny slogan to put on the back of this year's shirts for sale. Some great puns are in order. As an example, last year's was 'Get high the Wright way'. Thanks Gents! ~Marc, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1. "ASA: proudly following the teachings of Aileron Hubbard." 2. "We never blow our fuselage." 3. "Insert slogan here [space permitting]." (play on words) 4. "Aerospace: it's uplifting." (pow) 5. "We're always raising a flap." (pow) 6. "ASA: give us a party, and we'll rocket." 7. "Practice safe treks. Always use a rudder." 10/12/2005
SLIME TIME
Dear Pungents, please - a pun about slime. Thanks ~Chris, Seattle, WA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "What the muck!?" 2) "This is not a very goo request." 3) "In hell, do the bars serve Coke with a lice of slime?" (spooner) 9/21/2005
BEAUTIFUL SIXTER
Dear Pungents, my beautiful older sister is turning 60 and easily looks in her mid-forties. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, is 5'4", petite, sweet and all-around a good person and great sister. I want something clever to say on her birthday without hurting her feelings or putting her down on turning 60. ~Patty, Lubbock, Texas
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "You're one Sixy Beast!" 2) "You're a sight to be senior!" 3) "You're still young. When you sing Happy Birthday, you won't win any Granny Awards!" 9/17/2005
WAFFLE VS AWFUL
Dear Pungents, I'm about to whoop my housemates' asses in a waffle-making contest, and I need a good pun to throw their way when I'm declared the winner. ~Toxic Chi, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Couldn't you do any batter?" 2) "I'm waffle. You're just woeful." 3) "I'm the foodal lord; you're the lowly syr'p (serf)." 4) "Yours tasted so bad... what - did you think we were making Belchin' waffles?" 5) "After I humiliate you, it'll be 'Leggo my ego'!" Finally 6) "My recipe - it packs a brunch!" 9/13/2005
PEDAL METTLE
Dear Pungents, I need a pun about a bicycling team that works hard, and their perseverance pays off ~Abby, Decatur, Georgia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "It was tire-ing, but our actions have spoke for us!" 2) "This is our best gear ever!" 3) "We're riding our own story!" 4) "We faced many obstacles but our spirit did not brake!" 8/20/2005
CHOLER HOLLER
Dear Pungents, I need a pun that basically says, "Dont drink dirty water, because you might get cholera!" ~Mark, Ottawa, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "This is one choler you don't want hear from." 2) "Waterborne diseases - they grab you by the choler." 3) "What's worse than back pain? Bacteria pain!" 4) (more literary) "Did Choleridge keep a diarrhea?" OR 5) "Even Anne Frank didn't make that many diarrhea entries." 6) "E.Coli - it ain't no eco-lie: the dirty truth about cholera." 7) "Stop! Water you doing? Think before you drink." 8/19/2005
RAISING A PUCKUS
Dear Pungents, I need something for a get well card that I'm writing on a hockey puck. I already have a puck that says "Merry puckin Christmas" and "Happy puckin birthday"; now I need one for "get well"... all I came up with was "slap-shot yourself better real soon." Not too funny. ~Michele, Chicago, Illinois
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "I heard you've been a bit down on your puck - but at least you get to play hockey from work (or school)." 2) "Good health should be your number one goalie." 3) "I'm glad your illness is in de crease." 4) "Pucker up! Get better so I can kiss you." 5) "I hope your disease won't leave any puck marks." 6) "'Shot' happens... get well soon." FINALLY 7) "I've been worrying my faceoff." 8/17/2005
PUNS ABOUT THE GENTS
(this is a real request, no joke!)
Dear Pungents, I'm a huge fan of your site. I want to spread the word about who you are and what you do, but I'm unsure how to describe it in kind. Help me to think of some witty puns about yourselves? Thanks a bunch. ~Naomi, Toronto AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: "Online punographers, pun-dits and pun krockers - The Pun Gents are local boys who're fearless about getting feet dirty and plundering the language. That's because we're proud Tar-on-toenians. We were both born in 1978, on the 4th of July - aka Indie Pun Gents Day - and we fiercely protect our IndiePunGence. Since our inauspicious beginnings in December 2004 we've been featured in: the National Post, Maisonneuve magazine and other print publications; were interviewed for a radio feature, and appeared several times on City-TV. In less than a year we've gone from mediocrity to media-jocularity! PunGents.com has some unique features. Puns on Demand is the internet's only custom joke and slogan service. And our Punshine Girls and Boys are so renowned for their sexy wordplay, quick tongues and hot dictionary skills that our site is in danger of getting a triple-'lex' rating! And live performances! Pat recently won the bronze medal at the O. Henry Pun-off in Austin, Texas, the most famous (pun-related) joke contest in the world. The first ever Canadian puntestant, Pat wowed the pun-off crowd with his 'cannibal' puns; he took them in gest, and they ate him up, with relish - that's no can o' bull. The Gents hope to inaugurate a similar pun contest in Toronto, the Ron Maclean All-CanEHdian punoff in honour of Hockey Night in Canada's celebrated punster. We've been dogging Ron for his attention, because we're just rabid about this frothcoming event. So c'mon Ron, how bout a little tete-a-tetanus! Sadly, laugh remains difficult. While we have gained a small bit of notoriety for ourselves, the majority of punsters around the world still suffer abuse at the hands of the groaneral population. The Gents will soon chronicle their trials and tribulations in a har-hitting krockumentary, 'Malice in Punderland' (ask us for a treatment). It will be a pun-ishing dreck-spose. Also, we started up our own fashion subsidiary, Pun Gents Apparel. It's surprising that either one of us would ever become fashion designers, but sometimes, shirt just happens. So click the link and buy one please; they come with a worn-tee. Anyway that's about it... As soon as we mention 'Pun Gents Apparel', we know it's time to end the request. Why's that? Because, yuk yuk, it's our clothing line. (yikes) Cheers, The Gents ps Thanks for your interest in our site; it's been ass lice!" 7/26/2005
FAST THYME AT FRIDGEMONT HIGH?
Dear Pungents, I know a 'kitchen' is where bad taste ends and good taste begins, but can we have some more puns about that arooma of my condoment? ~Paul, Bethesda, Maryland
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Before eating your words, how should you cook them? With a my-crow-wave!" 2) (for linguists only) "How can you add a flavourful accent to your plates? Put them in the de-schwa-sher!" 3) "Speaking of which, is Justin Timberlake more qualified to be a dishwasher or a solo artist? Let's just say he was better off In Sink!" 4) "Do rodentivores enjoy stoat-top stuffing? Yes - it can be prepared in a very weaselable amount of time." 5) "At breakfast do cannibals like toes with jam?" 6) "Do jocks prefer drinking out of cups?" (POW) 7) "Were Hansel and Gretel initiated into the witches oven (coven)?" 8) "Boy these kitchen jokes are tasteless - someone must have put 'em in a blander." TRAIN SPOTTY?
Dear Pungents, I need a headline/title for an article about public transportation (bus system) and how dirty and gross it is. Please 'transfer' me to the right person! ~Joshua, Ottawa, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) From public transit to 'pube-lice' transit 2) Fare is foul! 3) Metro-city atrocity: riding the vomit comet 4) Filthy, grimy transit = bad for bus-iness 7/22/2005
PUNS - THE BEST MEDICINE
Dear Pungents, I just underwent laparoscopic surgery (with four enemas, four puncture wounds and three painkiller prescriptions) to remove some ovarian cysts. Do you have any puns to keep me in stiches while I heal? ~Toxic Chi, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) [Point to your puncture wounds] "With rends like these, who needs enemas?" 2) "If Whoopi Goldberg were my doctor, would that make this a Sister-Act-omy?" (cysterectomy, not hysterectomy) 3) "I was anxious prior to the surgery, but I'm glad it's finally ovary." 4) "You always take a chance when you have surgery. I just let the chips fallopian where they may." 5) "I drove to the operating room with ovarian cysts, and I came out with a souped-up Vulva!" 6) "I was swearing like mad before they gave me the painkillers. Nothing like a lil' ibu-profanity! But I guess all's well that ends swell. I'm just aspirin' to get better." 7) "I'm so elated the surgery was a success - I'm ready to perform a laporoscopic dance!" PUN FIGHT AT THE JOKEY CORRAL
Dear Pungents, I am working at a camp and the theme is Western. I'd love some Western-themed puns- cowboys, rodeos, farmers, etc. thanks! ~Rachel, Winfield, British Colombia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "At the pervert rodeo you can either buck a bronco or grope a calf." 2) "Who was the fattest lawman in the West? Wide Earp!" 3) "There was a fight at the saloon, and the troublesome cowpolk was forcibly removed by the bartender. In fact it was a shooed-out." 4) "There was one legend who was often mocked and disrepected long after his wild days were through. He even had his car vandalized in a parking lot. Poor old Billie the Keyed." 5) "Do pervert cowboys get their jollies at the cattle raunch?" 7/18/2005
PUNS ON THE RUN
Dear Pungents, I'm running a mountain trail race in a few weeks. I need something to say to my competitors as I pass them by, to leave them in stitches, so to speak. Thanks guys, you're the best. ~John, Montreal
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Am I in shape for this race? Yes, I'm very well mountained!" 2) "Looking at your ass when you run makes me think of mountain you." 3) "Hill yeah!" 4) "See you at the Finnish line? No, I'm Russian by. So eat my Dostoyevsky." 5) "If you're biased against mountain courses, does that make you racist?" 6) "After I win this marathon I will retire... to Iran." 7) "Let's flip a coin to see who's faster. If it's trails you lose!" 8) "Are you a good runner? Well, I'll put it this way: you're definitely passable!" (POW) 7/13/2005
LEATHER, RINSE, REPEAT?
Dear Pungents, I need some cow puns to use at a dunk tank. ~Joe, Saginaw, Michigan
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Cows at a dunk tank? This is udder disaster! What's the meating of this?" 2) "Knock him down! He's bad to T-bone!" 3) "Will the cow fall into the tank? He'll just have to brisket." 4) "Always dunk your milk." 7/08/2005
HA-HAS-TRALIA!
Dear Pungents, something Australian - kangaroos or some shit like that. Fair dinkum. ~Dukey, Melbourne, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Wallaby damned, you'll roo the day you requested such stereotypical puns! Ya'oo can't be Serious!" 2) "Which continent is home to stalkers? Us trail ya!" 3) "Is it true Aussie men shoot fireworks out their penises? Yes, flare-dink 'em!" 4) "Which supermodel is the child of Satan? Hell MuckFireSon!" 5) "'Too many cooks spoil the broth?' That's especially true with mar-soup-ials." 6) "I knock back the Aussie beers pretty quick, but the locals can drink even Foster." 7) "There was one spot off the coast where actress Drew was known for smoking up. They call it the Great Barrymore Reefer." 8) "They fart so much on one Australian Island - it's known as Gasmania!" 9) "Don't like these puns? 'Din go to hell!" 7/07/2005
LAW HAWS
Dear Pungents, I work at the Law Society of Upper Canada and deal with future lawyers everyday. I've run out of all my lawyer jokes so I need some new ammo. Can you help me out?!? And no, it's not Danielle, although she did send me onto the site when she heard of my intense boredom. Thanks in advance! ~Ciara, Toronto
1) "You law students act like a bunch of cowboys. Well this ain't the Lasso-Ciety!" 2) What do Italian lawyers eat on their birthday? Tort della Nonna! 3) Is the Law Society sexist? Well some women at the LSUC feel the need to dress in skimpy, cleavage-revealing clothing. It's as if they've been called to the bra. 4) Who gets assigned to molestation cases? Our tickling students! 5) Before he became a lawyer, the Devil's Advocate had to write the HELLSAT. 6) Which birds make the best lawyers? The ones who understand seagullese (legalese). 7) Hear about the class-action suit launched against cartoon smokesperson Joe Camel? It has the makings of a real courtroom dromedary! 8) The witness in the dentistry malpractrice suit swore to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth. 9) Why should lawyers change their name to 'William'? Because then every hour would be Bill-able! 10) Which lawyer should you hire if you're lactose intolerant? A no-dairy! 11) (extremely nerdy) In the digital imaging lawsuit, who the sued the inventor of the JPEG? The plain TIFF! 12) (finally!) In the case of Her Majesty vs the Pun Gents, Pat and Rhain were prosecuted by the Groan Attorney. SORRY, BRONCH NUMBER?
Dear Pungents, a pun for a work bulletin board (heathcare) about lungs or July 4th, fireworks. ~Brenda, Somewhere, USA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: (since July 4th has passed we'll just stick with the lungs) 1) "You've come a lung way, baby." 2) "Hear about the lung-specialists convention in New York? Naturally, it was held in the Bronx (bronchs)." 3) "Do railroad workers have trouble with their Pullmanary arteries?" 4) "Why should pneumonia sufferers avoid Belgium? Because - they're phlegmish!" 5) "Did you hear Prince Charles had a blockage in his windpipe? The news headline read: "Air to the British Throat!" 6/19/2005
RETIRE SATIRE?
Dear Pungents, some retirement puns please: my wife is retiring as a receptionist from Livingston International after 16 years there and I am retiring from University of Toronto Schools as a history teacher after 5 years. ~John, Mississauga, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: For wife - 1) "I'm not going to throw you a party - I figured the last thing you'd want is a reception." (POW) 2) "Sixteen long years, and now finally you get to let all your frustrations pour out. That's what happens with secretories. 3) "You always said it was like being locked in cave, there, at Live-in-stone." 4) "After 16 years answering phones at a logistics and transportation company, I'm glad you're telling them to go truck themselves." For husband - 5) "Teaching at University of Toronto schools was frustrating... I sometimes felt like kicking someone in the 'UTS." 6) "The job at UTS conflicted with my liberal beliefs; I couldn't knuckle under to my principal's conservatism any longer. After five years as his Tory teacher I just had to leave." 7) "Me and that job are ancient history!" 8) "Hey I'm finally retired. What a dream - somebody pension (pinch) me!" LIFT WHIFF (or... ELEVATOR FLATULATOR?)
Dear Pungents, don't you hate it when you're in an elevator, and somebody decides to fart? What's worse, whoever dealt it, refuses to own up to it! I need a pun to blurt out in such a stinky situation. ~Andrew, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Boy what a long ride - this elevator just keeps going farter and farter." 2) "Wow, look at all the butt-ends (buttons) lighting up!" 3) "Did someone sneeze? Gas-undheit!" 6/15/2005
OUR MOST COMPLICATED REQUEST YET!
Dear Pungents, I would like a pun involving boyfriends who don't do the dishes, excessive amounts of ice cream, lesbian lust, tree climbing, mangos, and superheroes... By the way, you all are fantastic. ~Tina, Toronto
(...get ready!) AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: "Recently I went through a very negative tree-climbing incident that has left me in an aldered state. It was rough. In fact I scream when I think about it... The other day, for the umpteenth time, my boyfriend neglected to wash up after dinner. Well, I had enough of it. We had long been on a rocky road, and this was the final strawberry - so I told him "It's over," and dish-missed him from my lovelife! Well, he couldn't believe I'd just dessert him like that. He says "Splits eh? You've gone bananas!" Then, get this, the crazy man goes to a nearby tree - the one with the massively huge tropical fruits - and he starts going up it! It was repulsive, rappelent even. He was like a monkey going up that tree, a real lower-order climb-mate. He must have thought he was some kind of hero, but I knew better; he doesn't even like Super-mangos... In the end, he was too jealous of my many gal pals. I implored him, "C'mon, lesbee friends!" but to no avail; he just stayed up there, saying "Leaf me be!". Well, this foolishness was something I just couldn't dyke any more of, so I thought, dam him; I looked up at the tree, said "oak-y dokey" and left. Looking bark on things, I've never had such a fruitless relationship... Men - with them it's all bump-and-rind, they just want your 'cookies n cream'. No Wonder Woman is so much more a-peeling!" 5/26/2005
HOLY MATRI-GROANY?
Dear Pungents, I'm getting married in a few weeks and wanted some wedding-related puns I could include in a speech. A little about us: I'm a grad student, nearing completion of my Ph.D in chemistry; she's a tobacco-farmer-turned-clinical-pharmacist, specializing in hemotology. Have at it! ~Tyler, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: (Adjust speech to conform to the facts... lots of bonus plays on words thrown in to boot!) "We met when I was doing my Ph.D - right away, there was chemistry. I knew her when she was a tobacco farmer. I thought she was just smokin'. We would stay up nights listening to that Def Leppard song - 'Pour Some Cigar On Me'. She liked my hard wooden pipes, didn't think I was drag. It was serendipitous - I met her just in the nic o tine! We've come a lung way since then. Now I'm addicted to her every breath. She made a career change from farming, but not a big one - she was still in farm-acy. Now she specializes in hemotology; at the time I thought, wow that's bloody incredible. Truly she is my prizecription! I feel so anemic compared to her; sometimes I wonder if she thinks I'm a dope, or a pill. Oh well, seeing how much we've spent on this wedding, at least she knows I'm not a pauper (popper)!" (take a bow) 5/23/2005
BRO HA HA
Dear Pungents, my brother Alan who lives in England turned 50 on May 10. A memorable pun might take his mind off me being late sending his card! He is very quiet until he has a few brews; his local pub is the Packet, which my dad and grandad went to as well. He is a huge Manchester United fan - can't go to the games anymore because if they lose it puts him in a very bad mood. He's currently in Egypt on a trip of a lifetime for his 50th; I don't know if he heard an American has bought into his beloved team while he is away - can't imagine that'll make him happy - as much as he isn't happy about turning 50. So give me a pun that will make him happy. Thanks! ~Yvonne, Oshawa, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Good ol' Alan - he's the Man U can depend on!" 2) "First they lose #7, and now the whole team's sold to the Yanks? What the Becks is going on! But don't cry - there's no need for soccer bawling!" 3) "As dad and grandad would say, age 50 is no time to Packet in!" 4) "We can't make fun of you now that you're 50 - you're no longer in your for-tease!" 5/18/2005
THE ST. CHRISTOPHER WALKENS?
Dear Pungents, I work for the President & CEO of a hospital and we are organizing a team for the hospital's annual walk. The team consists of senior management (president, vps and chief of staff as well as their administrative assistants). Can you think of a name for us? Thanks. ~ Mary, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) The Walkie-Talkies - b/c you need to get your message out there. 2) The Charity Chairs (and one more makes it Three Chairs for all of you!) 3) The directors and administrators of the Charity Walk - ie the Hosp. Skips and Adjuncts (contrasting 'walk' with Hop Skip and a Jump ... with 'skip' as in skippers or leaders) 5/17/2005
POLITICAL B.S.
Dear Pungents, Belinda has crossed the floor! What say you, P-Genti? ~Michael, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Belinda? Man, she changes colours so quick she's like a chameleon. They should call her Blenda! 2) Paul Martin government's living on borrowed time, not to mention borrowed Tories. Call me dyslexic, but he should never a borrower nor a linda Be-. 3) I knew her hot liaison with the studly Mackay, after it became public, was bound to peter 'out'. 4) Stronach's becoming Liberal? How Magnanimous! 5) Ambition's her weakness - she's got a Strong-ache for power! 6) All this transparent political maneovring makes me sick - I just don't have the Stronach for it! 5/09/2005
LOSIN' MY SCHOOL
Dear Pungents, Help! I am an elementary school teacher, and one of my students keeps whining that she is bored; I've used up all my comebacks in the last 8 months teaching her. Please give me some puns so I can make it to the end of June!
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Bored? I'll show you board! [then you hand her a wooden board] Now wooden you like to work?" 2) "Like some cheese with your whine?" 3) "Here, look in this carton [you hand her carton of eggs] - egg-sight ment!" 5/08/2005
DANCE IN YOUR PANTS
Dear Pungents, this is a shameless plug for the spectacular show we're working on. Dancemakers is celebrating its 30th anniversary, and yet it is tougher than overcooked cow heart to open people's minds and get them out to see contemporary dance. Can you spare a few puns that will show how much COOLER contemporary dance is than some horse show or clown workshop? ~Loretta, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Hey Toronto, stressed out? Then come to Dance-Show Relaxo!" (for Toronto audiences who know Rancho Relaxo) OR- 2) "Dancemakers = Pant-shakers - we get you moving." ALSO 3) "Has working all week like a mindless insect made you angry as a Klingon warlord? Then Khan-tempered harried ants (contemporary dance) is just the thing for you." (a tad convoluted?) 4) "Metaphor Moses never met a more faux sis? Ovid's Metamorphoses, from Dancemakers: twisting tongues, arms, legs and minds together for over 30 years." 5) "At our spectacle, (ex)spect tickles!" 5/07/2005
RICHARD GEAR?
Dear Pungents, I have just bought a new road bike, a Trek 1200; it is black, white, red and aluminum coloured. I was hoping you could help me with a punny name for it, somehow relating it to one or more of the following: I'm an aerospace grad student, I usually mountain bike (not road bike), and my mountain bike's name is Pumpkin. Thanks! ~Marc, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Eros Pace - she flies at the speed of love 2) The Highway RAWBer - Red, Alum, White and Black 3) Not the Thinker, but the Rider: aka Auguste Roadin. 4) Flower Pedals? 4/26/2005
ARTY HAR HAR
Dear Pungents, I need a catchy title for an art gallery show of both fine art and folk art - sort of a meeting of the two. It should have character while still being classy. ~Emma, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Bi Artisan (or 'Buy Artisan' to increase gallery sales) 2) The Fine Folks Exhibit 3) Triple-F-rated: Fine Folk Fusion 4) Fine-Folk art: Handy meets Dandy 4/22/2005
CHORTLE PORTAL
Dear Pungents,I need a name for a university student portal.~Blue Vulcan, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT 1) A portal for for medical students: The portal vein 2) A portal for for dental students: An e-full port-dent (evil portent) 3) The uni bin (looney bin) 4) If the portal has a job section: Hire education 4/19/2005
WIGGLE GIGGLES
Dear Pungents, I love this website :) Okay Gents - I just started belly-dancing lessons and am loving the crazy wiggling! Give me a pun to sassily and savvily express my delight, and to entice others to take up dancing lessons with me! ~Kimmy, West Bay, Grand Cayman Island
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Belly dancing - it's no waist of time!" 2) "It's out of this whirled!" 3) "If you don't join then you must be into belly duncing - 'cuz you're a dummy not to get down wit' da tummy!" 4) "I promise the instructor will make you feel comfortable. It's not bully dancing!" 5) "You have no excuse not to dance like Ali Baba - in fact I think it's 'alibi 'bye'!" (ok that is horrible) 6) "C'mon, all you lonely ladies - by gyrating, you'll increase your guy rating!" 4/17/2005
STUCK IN THE FRIEND ZONE
Dear Pungents, what a good idea; originality these days is a rare commodity! I'd like a pun about my situation involving having feelings for a woman who's seeing another man. It would help me cope with this impossible thing called being 'friends'. ~Jason, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "I'm sick of being Platonic - I need some lay tonic!" 2) "She's got the wrong man, and I've got the right hand!" 3) "My feelings for her are like a cancer in my heart. They should call them chemotions!" 4) "They should call me The Relationship Butcher: why did I have to beef-rend her?" 5) "I'm in love, but she must be in loaf, 'cause when I think of what went wrong I just say d'ough!" 6) (bilingual:) "I'm better off sleeping with all of Paris to forget, because when it comes to me and her it's just 'baise France'!" 4/15/2005
DON'T DUE ME LIKE THAT?
Dear Pungents, I need something to describe having 15 four-hour (or longer) projects to do and everyone wanting them done all on the same day. ~Mike, Georgetown, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) Project-ire vomiting 2) Time consume-me-ing! 3) Dreadlines 4) The Demandibles of Death 5) The Grim Report 4/12/2005
HOP ON THE BAND-DRAGON
Dear Pungents, I'm on a new dragon boat team representing The Duke of Edinburgh's Award Holders Association. Check www.dukeofed.org to see what the Award is about. We're looking for slogans for our team t-shirts to be worn in the Toronto Dragon Boat Festival. Thanks! ~Phil, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Dragon boating: Having a hull of a time." 2) "The Ducks of Edinburgh - we paddle like quackheads." 3) "From dragon to braggin': Duke of Ed = first place." 4) "The Duke's Ducks - looking for a stroke of luck!" 5) "We have the Duke of Edinburgh - you other guys just have head-in-burrow." 6) "Duke's Dragons: Youth breathing fire down to the wire (not a pun). 7) "We're on steer-oids!" 8) "Get your mind out of the rudder - full steam ahead." 4/03/2005
THESES VS. THE PUNOTAUR?
Dear Pungents, alright, I actually paid your asses! Grad students unite! Now, I'm doing a thesis using qualitative methods; specifically in-depth, semi-structured interviews. Could you give me a few puns on this motif. ~Dre, Oshawa, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Before research techniques were codified, all social science papers were reliable as crap. They should have called them graduate feces." 2) "My interview data may raise a small storm of controversy. That's what happens with squallitative methods." 3) "Did the study on racial epithets make use of in-depth slurveys?" 4) "I took some hardcore drugs to clarify my thinking about research protocols. I'm a big fan of the crystal meth-od." 5) "My conclusions just won't stick. I need some ad-thesive!" 4/02/2005
DOC-DOC JOKE
Dear Pungents, a pun please for an anaesthetist who came to Toronto from PEI to visit his daughter. And/or a pun about medicine, the aforementioned doctor, Summerside, PEI and a new hospital. Doctors love punning in the O.R. and I want my dad to have the punning edge! ~Marie, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Anaesthetists have a lot of options. With them it's ether/or." OR 2) "My anaesthetist father never lets me have my way. He always puts me under the neither!" 3) "Anaesthetists are obsessed with their patients' hair - they're always keeping track of Vidal signs." 4) "Did you hear about the posh anaethetist? He went to an IV League school!" 5) "When I moved to Toronto my dad got so upset he stopped believing in God. I guess it's cause he's an atheistician." 6) "Why are proctologists like anaesthetists? Because they're anus-squeezy-ologists!" Also 7) "Prince Edward Islanders are becoming morbidly obese. No wonder they located a new hospital in Sumoside." 8) "This new facility ain't worth a prostitute's saliva! They should have called it the Summerside Ho-Spittle." 4/01/2005
WHO LAUGHS LEFT, LAUGHS BEST
Dear Pungents, as a fellow lefty I always notice a person's dominant hand *write* away. Can you think of some pick-up lines I can use on left-handed fellows? Thanks. ~Deborah, Vancouver
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Down with Ritey!" 2) "You're a healthy guy, I noticed you eat a lot of fibre. It must be your right branned thinking." 3) "Show me who's my daddy - I wanna call you my south pa." 4) "Ned Flanders gets me hot and bothered. So come back home to my left-hornium." 5) "I wanna ride your jumbo jet - I'll be a passenger on Lefthansa." 6) "Ambi sextrous?" 7) "Can't we just share the lefter?" 3/29/2005
PUN GENTS = DICTAT-WHORES
Dear Pungents, please use the word 'dictate' in a sentence. Thanks! ~Am, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Someone who got screwed over in Port-au-Prince is a dicked-Haitian." 2) "Scandinavian crisps are made from Nordic 'taters." 3) "Detest pronouncements from on high? Then you're an edict hater!" 4) "Dicked? Aid yourself!" 3/27/2005
RIDEO* GAMES
Dear Pungents, I'm looking for video game-related puns for use on a gaming website. ~Pogowolf, Indianapolis, Indiana
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Who's cares that it's addictive - I'm havin a Halova time!" 2) "Do priests like to play Nuntendo? Or do they prefer Sony Praystation? And what about the Atari Krishnas?!" 3) "I was always skeptical about Sega Genesis - they called me Cynic the Hedgehog!" 4) "Did you hear about the copyright infringement suit launched against PS2? They're calling it Grand Theft Motto." 5) "Before video games ended their plumbing careers, which of the Mario Bros. worked servicing restrooms in Glasgow? Loo-Weegie!" *rideo means "I laugh" in Latin 3/24/2005
HORS 'DER'VRE
Dear Pungents, der - can't think of anything, sorry. ~Tony, Devon, United Kingdom
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Can't think of anything? You must be in a whirling 'der'-vish!" 3/23/2005
GREEN THUMP
Dear Pungents, I need a pun for the eternal problem: that weeds seem to thrive in the garden more than the hoped-for flowers. ~Mary, Eaton, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "It's a plague of dandelions! Good thing I've been weeding the Bible." 2) "Forget fertilizer - I need a fertilaser!" 3) "These weeds love to multiply after dark - they have a night-rate fixation!" (nitrate fixation - quite nerdy) 4) "My garden has not turned out as I plant." 5) "I need to stop these weeds on the mitochondrial level - that will end this Kreb-grass cycle!" (crabgrass/Krebs cycle - EXTREMELY nerdy) 6) "Oops, looks like I was accidentally using a weed-waker!" 7) "My garden doesn't produce any veggies, so I guess I'll resort to eating Bavarians. Nothing I plant seems to German-ate!" 8) Bonus non-pun: "Man am I hosed!" 3/22/2005
SNOW PROBLEM
Dear Pungents, I am going to Mt. Tremblant this week, skipping school while I'm at it. I'd love a punny MSN nickname to tell people not to expect me around for the next few days. Thanks! ~Brian, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "One Tough Hooky" 2) "Sorry but I had to ski-daddle" 3) "Needed to get away for a ski trip - my schoolwork was getting slopey!" 4) "Taking a Powder" (not a pun) 5) "Having a hill of a time" 6) "In the bathroom, tremblant from the runs!" 3/21/2005
PODShine Girl?
Dear Pungents, I wanna be a PunShine Girl - and I'm looking for a sexy 'Bible Belt' pun to pose with. Got any suggestions? ~Mariza, The Grove, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "What do you call a zealous fundamentalist in the sack? A Bible humper!" 2) "Why is it illegal to look at actress Moore in many Southern states? Because they don't allow saw-Demi!" 3) "What do Moses and a gynecologist have in common? They both have seen the burning bush!" (not a pun, but fun) 4) Visit Mariza in PunShines for the winning pun! 3/20/2005
POETIC LICENCE
Dear Pungents, I like to make my car's licence-plate letters refer to me. My last plate was ABFT; I was born in Toledo, Ontario, thus 'A Babe From Toledo'. Unfortunately I had to turn those plates in. My new letters are AVTA; I've had the car three days and have been working on it, but thought you could help. I'm single and I drive a cool car; I need to personalize this new plate. Thanks! ~Rita, Sudbury, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) AVTA: A Very Tasty Angel 2) A Velocity-Tossin Animal 3) A Very Tough Ass 4) A Visionary Through Art 5) A Voluptuous Tender Apple 6) All Vision, Total Action 7) Awesome Vixen, Terrific Attitude 8) Automatic Vehicular Transport Apparatus bonus 'silly' options: 8) Angry Vegan, Terrorized (by) Alzheimers? 9) Amiable Veneer - Television Actor 10) A Virtuous Teenager Always 11) A Vengeful, Troubled Arsonist 3/17/2005
THE GYM JAM
Dear Pungents, my friend and I are opening a gymnastics studio with a juice bar. We are looking for a very clever name for our studio. Your help is much appreciated. ~Robert (and Lindsay), Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) The Juice-box - Come, kickbox and relax! 2) Summersalts - Now with outdoor patio? 3) Studio 'Twist' - Where leverage meets beverage 4) Enter the Mat-tricks (Matrix) OR The Mattrix Studio and Bar - Stick the landing, twist the lemon! 5) The Gym-bar-ee (Jamboree) 6) Gym Nasty - We're far from 'Routine' 7) Studio G - Get giuiced! 8) Matamaticians 9) The Pike Vault For the bar itself: 10) Gymniotic Fluids 11) Carrot-Stick the Landing; OR JUST The Landing 12) Bar Parallel 13) Fizzical 14) The Tumbler 3/16/2005
PAR PARABLE
Dear Pungents, I am organizing a church (Baptist) golf tournament and would like a few puns to help advertise the event. ~Ron, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "Fairway to Heaven" 2) "What wood would Jesus do?" 3) "Join our church golf tournament - competition will be steeple!" 4) "Get filled with the holey spirit!" 3/15/2005
FRESH DE-LIVERY
Dear Pungents, can I have a pun about drinking and liver spots? ~ K, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: "Liver spots? Slurred speech? You can tell an alcoholic by his abbeerances!" [works best if read aloud] 3/12/2005
TRASH TALK
Dear Pungents, overlooking guideline #2 for POD, we are in the 'refuse/garbage' business which we like to call waste disposal. We send 'bins' or 'containers' to businesses, construction sites and homes. They fill the bin with their un-wanted items/waste; we pick it up and dump it at our waste transfer station where it's re-loaded into tractor trailers and sent to landfill. Can you help us with a slogan we can use on side of our bins or in other advertising media? ~ John, Whitby, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "A proven truck-record" 2) "Dedicated service: because the compostman always rings twice!" 3) "Need pollution solutions? We've bin at it for years." 4) "Cheap hauling rates! You get mileage from our pileage." 5) "Are we qualified? Just look at our garbadge." [ok that is silly] 6) "We can't container enthusiasm! But we contain everything else!" 3/11/2005
NEED-SLAPPERS
Dear Pungents, I need a name for a group of 10-to-16 year olds whose brothers or sisters have significant special needs. The siblings seem to have the same twisted sense of humour/coping skills as their parents, and are quite comfortable with "Autism Rocks!" or "My brother got encephalitis and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" jokes. What can you come up with that makes people laugh with them?
~ Anonymous AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "The Emergency Roomers - practically paying rent at the hospital." 2) "The Special Nerds - when it comes to disabilities, we know it all." 3) "Patients with Patience." 4) [shirt to wear in hospital] "You're looking at a familiar face: ICU every day." 5) "More Kissable than Disable - my special needs sister/brother is cute!" 6) [bonus nonpun] "My sister's in the hospital - and I'm in therapy." 3/10/2005
SPONSOR RESPONSE
Dear Pungents, a tasteful pun please for a small child sponsorship organization that works in villages in developing countries. ~ Pat, Halifax, Nova Scotia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT: 1) "For the price of a glass of Koolade, they get a month of school aid." 2) "Poverty envelopes them; you can develop them." (not pun but catchy slogan) 3) "Give a dam: help stop the rising tide of child poverty." |
Site contents ©2004-2011 The Pun Gents. All Lefts Reserved. Home.