Puns on Demand

Dear Pun Gents, can you help out with some Shakespeare-themed puns on weddings? ~Natalie, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. There is a bow-tie in the affairs of men…
2. Unsex me here!
3. Frantic disposition
4. Kill all the caterers
5. Screw your corsage to the sticking place
6. Get thee to a punnery!

Dear Pun Gents, I need a psychology-related name for a bowling team that consists of graduate students. ~Diana, New York City

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Striking behaviour
2. Split personalities
3. E-pin-ephriends.
4. Psy-bowler disorder

Dear  Pun Gents, I want a pun about cold weather. ~Roy, Kalamazoo, MI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Puns about winter are snow joke.
2. What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T.
3. What do bad Canadians get in their stockings for Xmas? A lump of cold.
4. They top the charts every January: the Black-Ice Peas.
5. See more cold weather puns here: http://pungents.com/specfeat/winter.htm

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a personalized water bottle for a wedding! ~Mindy, Memphis

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Water you getting into?
2. We h2 owe lots of money for this.
3. More than just aqua-intances
4. Eau baby!
5. Happily wetted couple.
6. Instead of a wedding we could have bottle lot of beer.

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about a day at the beach ~Romy, Sydbey, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Swim-swim situation
2. Life ain't nothing but beaches and money ~Snoop Dogg
3. I'll sea you at the beach
4. Shellom!

Dear Pun Gents, after 41 years my old boss, an engineer, is retiring from the Army Corps of Engineers. He has no hobbies, no plans, and his wife is definitely not retiring. ~Sandie, Galveston, TX

1. After 41 years, he's done. He's the little engineer that couldn't.
2. Coming to such a decision requires some mental retiredation.
3. There's no army in taking a break.
4. He's retiring, not dead. This is his hobbytuary

Dear Pun Gents, I'm working on a cross-promotional ad campaign (Internet & newspaper). I need a very short name for the campaign. It's for Valentine's Day retailer sales, gift ideas etc. Example: Sweet Sales…that's all I can think of. ~Tiffany, Hays, KS

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about our yearbook and the staff. It could be about anything: journalism, photography, memories, editing, etc.
Thanks! ~Kelsica, Atlanta, GA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. We keep our years to the ground
2. Our top draft pic
3. Potent Quotables
4. The Yearly Departed
5. Pump up the Volume
   

Dear Pun Gents, we are having a tennis charity event on Valentine's day. Need a slogan re the old saying "to tennis players love means nothing" – to show that's not true. ~Laura, Charlotte, NC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT

1. Whack your balls on Valentine's Day
2. Get to first baseline.
3. You'll hear lots of backhanded compliments.
4. If you like cougars it'll be, Love-40+
5. Matchmaking point.
6. Get double-teamed.

Dear Pun Gents, a softball pun relating to a dream. ~Brandi, Richmond, TX