Daily jokes, one-liners & quality groaners
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, I need a pun that links biking to a charity campaign my office is running for an umbrella organization representing 16 health charities. Something that puts “bike” and “give money” together. ~ Kristen, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Does cycling ring a bell? It certainly has a peal!
2) Biking + Charity = fun-raising
3) Join us on our highway to health
4) Our bicycles have spoke volumes!
5) Cycling for health – it’s a wheel blast!
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, I need puns that include the words (or sound) “claw” and generally has a good connotation. Example, “Clawmpliment”, “Clawmmendation“‘ ~ Kathy, Greeley, Colorado
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Clawn Bowling
2) Clawng and lean
3) Layin’ down the claw
4) What time is it? 12 O’Clawck
5) Clawck a doodle doo
6) Santa Claws
7) Eating too much will clawg your arteries
8) The dutch wear clawgs
9) There’s lots of gold in the Klawndike
BONUSES:
10) This pun request is clawbbering me over the head
11) This is a clawckamamie request
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, I need something related to the beach/summer, etc. for door prize raffles for a summer-thremed party. ~ Eve, Medford, New York
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Shell out for some great prizes
2) Surf a good cause – enter our raffle
3) You win sun and you lose sun…
4) Tan-talizing prizes!
6) Mind if I Hasselhoff you for a raffle?
7) Win some outdoor prizes!
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, A pun on faith, hope and charity – or “I lift mine eyes up to the heavens.” Thank you – it’s punishment trying to think of one myself. ~Avery, Port Elizabeth, South Africa
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Faith isn’t spiritual, it’s physical. My faith is located in my bodily organs; because I’m a be liver.”
2) “The theological virtues are addictive. I’m hoped up on drugs!”
3) “I’d give you the shirt off my back. It’s an act of share a tee.“
4) “Faith is an action, not a quality. Trust me, I used to be noun believer.” (a tad esoteric?)
5) “I was once a stripper, but I converted and turned from my immoral ways. Now it’s ‘I lift mine eyes up to the heavens’, but as an exotic dancer it used to be ‘I lift my nasty up to the heathens!'”
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, I need a punny name for a community running club I’m setting up. For example there is a group known as Gunn Runners – Gunn being where they live, and gun also slang meaning ‘talented’. We are currently the Sunshine Runners Group; our area is famous for the Sunshine Harvester and I have nothing! ~Sean, Sunshine, Victoria, Australia
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
(first, some generic ones)
1) Sunshine Sweathearts
2) Kangarunners
3) Marathunder
4) The Sunshine Run Swine – We’re Pigs For It!
(and more specific to the Harvester)
5) The Sunshine Harvesters: No Pain, No Grain
6) The Leg Gents [legends] of the Sunshine Harvester
7) Sunshine Harvester Squad: Running at our Wheat’s End
9) Runners of the Mill
8) The Harvesters: Fun + Run, Combined!
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, something to do with animals, please. ~Naomi, Aloha, Oregon
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) How much does a chicken impersonator cost? A bok.
2) And are horses agreeable? Nay.
3) Are cats hypochondriac? Meow.
4) Do suckling pigs play tittely-oinks?
5) Do artsy German goats listen to Baa-haus music?
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, I need a punny headline for my article about our volunteers at the Canadian Opera Company. It’s an article that talks about how great our volunteers are and encourages others to get involved. Got any suggestions? ~Mariza, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Their hard work brings volunteers to our eyes.”
2) “Volunteering at the COC – can you Handel it?”
3) “Our volunteers really run the show; it’s the tail Wagnering the dog.”
4) Quote from a volunteer: “I love showing people to their seats… ‘Aisle B, Back’ next season for sure.”
5) “Our volunteers orchestrate the production.” (play on words)
6) “Join our Wolf gang!”
7) “Our volunteers are some pretty phat ladies.”
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, Can you come up with a pun for the host of a computers & technology awards ceremony? Thanks! ~Adam, Orlando, FL
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Don’t give anyone here a sandwich. They’ll take a thousand megabites.”
2) “I thought I’d Cobol together a few jokes. But they were too Basic. So I’ll be Turing over a new leaf. Let’s C, plus plus…“
3) “I was late getting here. I was locked up in my Fortran.”
4) “Java good time so far?”
5) “Welcome to my humble Adobe (pronounced A-dowb).”
6) “It was a hard drive coming to this ceremony!”
7) “My friend dug his finger in his nose with gusto, and was so happy when he found something. I guess you could say he was picks-elated?” (ok a bit too much)
8) “I decided to get a sharper monitor. It’s my New Year’s resolution.”
9) “Computers make my mother bored.”
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, I would like a few puns to say at a wedding for two friends: Timm, an Austrian and Eileen a Scot. ~Ron, Toronto
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Timm looks like the clear Vienner in this wedding.”
2) “Timm said ‘Don’t be sheepish, you can lean on me.’
She said, ‘That’s right, Eileen on ewe.'”
3) “When they first met, Timm said ‘Can I sit beside you?’
She said in her accent ‘Aye, lean!'”
4) If she turns out to be a cannibal, their love will not German-ate.
Puns on Demand
Dear Pungents, can you give me a fictitious country’s ‘olympic team name’ for a curling bonspiel? ~Coralie, Salmon Arm, BC
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) I-rock
2) Estoneia
3) Ice-land (and you’re from Rinkjavik!)
4) Sweepistan
5) Skiptzerland
6) North or South Curlina