Why was it hard to get to Sauron’s lair? Because no matter how many you opened there was always Mor dor.
Gollum’s favourite bird? A Smea-gull.
Who was expert at pork products, yet curious about sheep? Hamwise Lamb-gee!
An orchard full of tall trees? An ent farm.
Which horse made a lousy admin assistant? Shadow-fax.
Archie, Jughead and the gang all went to Rivendell High.
A gang of orcs went to an ancient Mesopotamian city to score some weed. When they came back they were Uruk-high.
If Aragorn was a Strider, did Arwen prefer to be astride him?
Who preferred a child’s toy? Legolust!
Who stole a couple smiles? Peregrin Took.
Who made use of second-hand Russian spacecraft? BorrowMir.
Why was Aragorn accepted as King of the White Rock? Because he knew how to speak Elvis.
Which flying beasts were truants? The Nah-school.
Which character did Tony Danza want to play? Eh-oh Mer.
Who was always looking for a subletter? Share-room-man.
Gandalf always got pissed drunk. They called him the White Whizzer.
Was the Dark Lord’s web site sauron.orc?
Who was lucky to make it onscreen? Gladriel.