Puns on Demand

Dear Pungents, I need a few good puns about cross-country running. ~Will, Atlanta, Georgia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Diarrhea afflicts cross country athletes a lot: it’s a case of the runs.
2. Cross-country runners love to chase trail.
3. How do runners get to work? They take the terrain.
4. Running amid sharp branches could cut open your jogular.

Dear Pungents, a politically correct but still amusing pun for the element bromine, for a class assignment. ~Chloe, Fernandina Beach

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Bromine is the only liquid non-metal: that takes a lot of peri audacity.
2. I decided to take potassium bromide after a convulsation with my doctor.
3. Leaving bromine in a room full of iodides is a oxidant waiting to happen.

Dear Pungents, I need something about Niels Bohr, preferably a physics joke. ~Samantha, Dallas-Forth Worth, Texas

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Kneels Boar was known for fellating pigs. He was insecure about his manhood, especially compared to Max Planck.
2. Bohr disagreed with Einstein. After all, he New tons.
3. He could have invented particle accelerators, but they were too Bohr-ring.

Dear Pungents, a pun on gambling–dice rolls or luck-based. ~Alex, Belfast, Northern Ireland

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Vatican is against gambling–except for games of Gregorian chance.
2. Gambling addicts have a hard time earning a living wager.
3. Dice Another Day (Double Owe Seven?)

Dear Pungents, I’m a longtime World of Warcraft player and I need a pun for a Tauren deathknight for the upcoming expansion. Outdo “Grazethedead” please. ~Kurt, Bellevue, Washington

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Member of the Piece Corpse.
2. Tauren a hole in the wall.

Dear Pungents, I’ve got a line of jewelery based around vaginas. I’m looking for some puns based around vaginas for my website. Please help as I’m not funny ~Beth, Leeds, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Muff and polish your jewelry.
2. I do like beaver pelts, but not vagina jewels.
3. Diamonds in the muff.
4. Time to go muff diamond.
5. Evulvalution in jewelry.
6. Present it to your loved one in the vulva’d-covered box.

Dear Pungents, I need a pun that uses the word nickel, and incorporates the fact that it doesn’t corrode. ~Rhiannon, Calgary, Alberta

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Nickel doesn’t corrode: it’s metal-allergic to rust.
2. I can’t find rust on a nickel using my five centses.
3. Unlike a cowboy, nickel doesn’t corrode into the sunset.

Dear Gents, I need a pun that incorporates the sciences and music. Preferably from the current pop culture or maybe rap/reggaeton. ~Jazmin, La Jolla, CA

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Math-ter P
2. Yo G = 9.8 m/s²
3. The law of afro-ges?
4. When you combine Beethoven and Mozart, what do you get? Moz Deaf

Dear Gents, a group of my friends and I are in a Big Lebowski bowling tourney this weekend and need a team name. Any help? ~Jeff, Denver, CO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Big Strikeowski
2. Flea our Wrath (We’re Good Gutter Players)
3. Spara Reid

Dear Pungents, I would like a pun about a white chocolate bar called White Delight. ~Beci, Liverpool, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Cocoahead
2. Certainly whiter than Eminem’s…
3. Mt. Fudgey
4. Chocasian!