Dear Pungents, I would like a pun involving boyfriends who don’t do the dishes, excessive amounts of ice cream, lesbian lust, tree climbing, mangos, and superheroes… By the way, you all are fantastic. ~Tina, Toronto

(…get ready!)


“Recently I went through a very negative tree-climbing incident that has left me in an aldered state. It was rough. In fact I scream when I think about it…

The other day, for the umpteenth time, my boyfriend neglected to wash up after dinner. Well, I had enough of it. We had long been on a rocky road, and this was the final strawberry so I told him “It’s over,” and dish-missed him from my lovelife!

Well, he couldn’t believe I’d just dessert him like that. He says “Splits eh? You’ve gone bananas!” Then, get this, the crazy man goes to a nearby tree – the one with the massively huge tropical fruits – and he starts going up it! It was repulsive, rappelent even. He was like a monkey going up that tree, a real lower-order climb-mate. He must have thought he was some kind of hero, but I knew better; he doesn’t even like Super-mangos…

In the end, he was too jealous of my many gal pals. I implored him, “C’mon, lesbee friends!” but to no avail; he just stayed up there, saying “Leaf me be!”. Well, this foolishness was something I just couldn’t dyke any more of, so I thought, dam him; I looked up at the tree, said “oak-y dokey” and left.

Looking bark on things, I’ve never had such a fruitless relationship… Men – with them it’s all bump-and-rind, they just want your ‘cookies n cream’. No Wonder Woman is so much more a-peeling!”

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