Andrew from Dugald:

Even in ancient Rome, they had bankruptcy problems. Cassius and Brutus were partners in a chain of liquor marts, and were almost too successful. While the shops started out with good trade, they failed to carry adequate stock and customers grew tired of not getting the amphorae they came for. Eventually Cassius had to break the news that they were broke. “The fault is not in our stores, dear Brutus, but in our shelves.”

When the Scotsman who had trained my seeing-eye dog finally gave the leash over to me, he also gave me clear instructions to give him a wee bit of beer each day. Apparently he thought it was ale for what guides ye.

I was explaining to my friend how I use special shears to prune the branches on my rose bushes. All of a sudden he starts telling me about how he was circumcised at the age of 22, and he doesn’t like someone speaking about cutting anything. Talk about a set of non-secateurs!

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