Dear Pungents, I work at the Law Society of Upper Canada and deal with future lawyers everyday. I’ve run out of all my lawyer jokes so I need some new ammo. Can you help me out?!? And no, it’s not Danielle, although she did send me onto the site when she heard of my intense boredom. Thanks in advance! ~Ciara, Toronto
1) “You law students act like a bunch of cowboys. Well this ain’t the Lasso-Ciety!”
2) What do Italian lawyers eat on their birthday? Tort della Nonna!
3) Is the Law Society sexist? Well some women at the LSUC feel the need to dress in skimpy, cleavage-revealing clothing. It’s as if they’ve been called to the bra.
4) Who gets assigned to molestation cases? Our tickling students!
5) Before he became a lawyer, the Devil’s Advocate had to write the HELLSAT.
6) Which birds make the best lawyers? The ones who understand seagullese (legalese).
7) Hear about the class-action suit launched against cartoon smokesperson Joe Camel? It has the makings of a real courtroom dromedary!
8) The witness in the dentistry malpractrice suit swore to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
9) Why should lawyers change their name to ‘William’? Because then every hour would be Bill-able!
10) Which lawyer should you hire if you’re lactose intolerant? A no-dairy!
11) (extremely nerdy) In the digital imaging lawsuit, who the sued the inventor of the JPEG? The plain TIFF!
12) (finally!) In the case of Her Majesty vs the Pun Gents, Pat and Rhain were prosecuted by the Groan Attorney.