Women love reading Charlie Brown. They have Peanuts envy.
I believe that, despite its name, ‘Crazy Glue’ should be taken seriously. But then again – I’m an epoxy moron.
Some people are lactose intolerant, but galactose is universally tolerated.
MidEast rappers? The legendary MC Hamir sang ‘Too Legit Tikrit‘.
Fight the Mujahideen? So viet.
Andrew from Dugald:
When the circus comes to town and they want to get new people to join their freak show, do they hold Odditions?
Portobello mushrooms in the morning is a breakfast of champignons!
NED: Being a cremator is a lucrative business.
ED: How’s that?
NED: You urn a lot!
Dear Pungents, a pun about birth control or contraceptives. ~Andrea, Green Bay, Wisconsin
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “Sorry, Andrea, we’re really firing blanks here!”
2) “Does one buy contraception at a condominium?”
3) “Hear about the dyslexic couple who got drunk and tried to conceive while driving? Unfortunately it was a case of IUD.”
4) “What’s a better contraceptive: The Sperminator, or the Great Wall of Vagina? Well, the latter was impregnable“
5) “Do those who work at a sperm bank use the withdrawal method?”
NED: Hear about the Greek mafia?
ED: Yeah – they always threaten to put a kappa in my ass!
NED: Didn’t they murder a bunch of Newfoundlanders?
ED: No – that was the psychotic Greek fraternity, Kappa Nu Phi.
NED: What about that strange fraternity located along the Nile river, it was called Chi Rho Delta, that now wants to open a bake shop.
ED: You mean Nu Pi Delta. Once I Eta Pithere – it was too expensive and now I Omega. But it was a big dessert. I Eta Omega Pi!
NED: Well I’m getting a little tired of Nu Pi Delta, as is their sister sorority.
ED: Xi Xi Xi?
NED: That’s right. And what about the fraternity for Esperanto lovers – Nu Alpha Beta.
ED: Or that sorority for fashionable fat ladies: Nu Mu Mu. My poodle got eaten there!
NED: I thought that was Eta Phi-Phi.
ED: And to get revenge on those ladies I borrowed a semiautomatic weapon. But I lost it and now it has to be replaced.
NED: Iota Nu Xi can help you with that.
ED: What about penis enlargement?
NED: Try Psi Xi Omega.
ED: Did you know dragon boat lovers are meeting at Rho Rho Rho?
NED: That’s nothing. The pranksters at Tau Rho Mu stack cows one atop the other!
ED: Funny, I had a beef patty the other day.
NED: At Eta Mu Pi?
ED: Yes. Say – did you hear about that kinky lesbian sorority. Legend has it Michael Douglas’ wife and Delta Burke had a fling there.
NED: You mean Delta Eta Zeta?