JAZZICAL?

Dear Pungents, I need a pun with the words jazz and classical music, something like ‘he’s a jazzical artist’, meaning he plays classical and jazz and also rocks. Thanks. ~Arax, Yerevan, Armenia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Mozzart. Strauzz. Debuzzy: Classical, meet jazz: “
2) “Top of the clazz.”
3) “Jazz + classical: kickassical.”
4) “Choral jazz chanting: the Thelonius Monks?”

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Andrew from Dugald:
When the government shut down the East Coast fishery after scientists claimed the fish stocks were depleted, many people considered it a fled herring.

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Andrew from Dugald:
Did ye no hear o’ the scotsman who always lived in the shadow of his elder brother, the famous arctic explorer and master igloo builder? He joined an Eskimo tribe and built his own snow shelter in the hopes of o’ercoming his feelings o’ Ian-‘ad his Quincey.

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Andrew from Dugald:
What did the wife of the ancient greek writer say when she found he had torn his manuscript to shreds?
Why Euripides?”

When the detective found another Athenian sailor dead in the water, struck down by his own paddle, he was quick to realize it was another Greek Oar-a-Kill.

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MAID TO ORDER

Dear Pungents, a pun on maids as live-in helpers. Thanks. ~Angel, Singapore

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “A live-in housekeeper should be quiet. In fact she ought to be anannymous.
2) “Live-in housemaids should never talk back. No ifs ands or butlers.”
3) “For lazy aristocratic existentialists like Sartre, Help is other people.”
4) “I like having a live in maid. Help aupairs whenever I need it.”
5) “Mafia types always have housekeepers. Because they’re maid men.”

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A famous composer was also a cyclist. But he refused to ride his new bach, because of the handel bars. So he took it back to the chopin began to rattle off a lizst of complaints. “Grrr… Schwinns,” he cried. But the store owner didn’t understand his unwillingness to ride. ‘Hey, it’s beets hooven‘ he said, ‘especially if you’re bizet! I was hoofin’ the other day, and got gum on my schubert!’ Riding is certainly better than taking de bussy; except if your bike is too heavy. This fellow’s ride weighed 20 kilobrahms! He took a ride by a painter’s castle once and admired the moat’s art. But some half-German, half-Russian idiot almost ran him over – what a scheisskopfsky! The composer fell headlong into a dog turd: a wipeout of operatic proportions – it was poo-chinny! He almost baroque his face, and was so shamed he went into haydn. Lessons learned? Cycling is a taste one must a choir. But if you decide to give up halfway through a ride, de bussy now comes with a bike-rachmaninoff!

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