Month: May 2009

TAKE YOUR BREAST SHOT

Dear Pun Gents, I am looking for a pun to go along with field hockey and breast cancer. We are having a fundraiser and are looking for something funny and catchy that has to do with both. ~Heidi, Watertown, WI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Women shouldn't get penalized just for crossing the boob line.
  2. Pay attention in the faceoff areola.
  3. The Old Mammo Grammas!
  4. There's no "I" in tumour.
  5. Victory requires a cancerted effort.

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NGOOD TIMES

Dear Pun Gents, anything to do with a charity worker helping out in Africa. Or to do with mercy ships, for a profile title. ~Myra, Auckland, New Zealand

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Mercy Beaucoup
  2. Holy Ship!
  3. When All Help Breaks Loose
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THE NERD DO WELLS

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a state trivia team. Preferably something nerdy, but not so much as laypeople won't understand it. Thanks a lot! ~Tiernan, Lismore, New South Wales, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Trebekistan
  2. La Triviata
  3. Know South Wales
  4. Buzzerkers [if you ring in with a buzzer]
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WHAT’S ON THE VENUE TONIGHT?

Dear Pun Gents, I need a name for a smaller special events venue I want to open—on Main St. in Littleton, CO—cherished family gatherings, etc. Need a clever title—I can only do Hallmark titles. Enjoy a laugh! ~Karen, Littleton, CO

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Tony Little's: It's a Little Tony
  2. Women Are From Venues
  3. Sunny and Cherish
  4. The Main Squeeze

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2009 Pun Off Punniest of Show Routine :: Farts and Terrorism

Pat’s 2009 Pun Off “Punniest of Show” Routine :: Farts and Terrorism


I’ll cut to the cheese:  I had a you reeka moment while reading an article in Ass Choir magazine.

It said that though Western peoples are controlling their emissions, there are still vast buildups of natural gas, held in tense grip between belligerent Cheeks in the Mid East.

This has led to methane-ous crimes among Arab arsetalkocracies, including the assgassination of the Blue Angel, leader of the Fartsee people, which has the hole region under a terrible cloud. The stealth bomber let loose in a crowded theatre hot box; it was John Wilts-the-Booth, a has-beans actor, aka Jack the Ripper, who suffocated his victim in the dark.

Since then, nonstop stench warfare: silent-but-deadly rocket blasts (outside the Qatar embarrassee) and the cries of aerate sirens. Ol factories have been odoured shut down for safety. In Krakow meanwhile, Eeeeewww leaders have held nothing in there but talks for days– many high rank officials are holding their noses in response to the colon of doody.

Egyptian statesman Atef Ebeid (Burrito) also scented a strong message: He let one slip recently, boasting “In Egypt, we have ‘toot’ in common. We created the mysterious Sphinx, which baffle the world. Now we have a mighty Force of Air. Let smell-odious trumpets sound! Let the infidels sulphur!”

I’m no Nostrildamus, but my analysis? Throw caulking to the wind, and plug holes in these terrorassts: That would help rectumfy everything before it goes any farter!

Thank you, it’s been a slice.

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Andrew from Dugald:

Do the ice wine makers of Niagara walk around in their vintner under-vear come January?

When historians look back on the economic meltdown of 2009, they won’t be kind to all these robber baron millionaires. As so many will get verbally tossed on the scrap heap of history, will these future critics create mountains out of moguls?

In some parts of Germany, a medieval attitude still exists towards slavery. In fact there are reports that if you are a small, gnarled little person, you can still be enslaved to work in the garden! Its’ true what they say: a man’s gnome is his vassal.

Title of a play about a group of old geezers who overcome ED with little blue pills: “All swell, that ends swell“. It could be set in the Viagra Penisula (hopefully I’m still a member in good standing).

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‘SACK FLY

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun to put on t-shirts for a fundraiser for testicular cancer. It is a father-son baseball game. Players will wear the shirts and we will also sell them to raise money. ~Sarah, Appleton

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Going Going Gonad
  2. Keep Your Eye on the Ball
  3. Jock Rockers
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