Canadiana Puns

Author Pierre’s shoulders were slumped; he carried all of Canada’s Berton.

Which intrepid explorer was never satisfied? Samuel de Complain.

Who’s the funniest bird on Parliament Hill? Joke Lark.

Was Mulroney cheap? Let’s put it this way: he was big on the chin-tz.

There was one absentee PM who may as well have been locked in a plastic bin. The other MPs would sit around inquiring, “Tupper – where?

Which PM was the master of spin? Louis Slant Laurent!

What did Pierre Laporte say about the long lineups at the Paris tourist attraction? “This is an Eiffel-queue crisis!

We don’t need Star Wars missile defence – we’ve got the Canadian Shield!

Where did the philistines cast Rhain and Pat for making too many Canada jokes? Into the frozen pundra.

Why are Canadians the best dancers? Cuz we’ve got all the right moose!

What do they decorate cakes with up north? Permafrosting.

Who can you depend on for statistical analysis? ANOVA Scotian!

Which Russian eccentric loved Canadian cuisine? Raspoutine.

Hear about the smash sitcom, “Everybody loves Medicare” starring Roy Romano?

I went to Kicking Horse Pass, and – BANFF! – I got hit in the face. Now I have to wear a Medicine Hat, and the kids all call me Moose Jaw.

It’s tough to enter the filtered water business – especially in the province of AlBrita.

We’ve got some hilarious lesbians up there in the Clowndyke.

Unluckily I lost all my tent fasteners while gambling in Saskatchewan; I think I’ll head to Manitoba, because maybe I can Win a peg.

Which show do potheads love? The Grassy High!

Some MPs worry more about their golf handicap than they do about legislating… they should call it the House of par-lament!

Were Trudeau’s beliefs medieval? Yes, he advocated the joust society!

Is McLuhan a boring read? Yes – but the tedium is the message.

Are they known for hardheadedness in the Oaken-Noggin Valley?

Where are there a lot of BigFoot sightings? In Sasquatchewan!

In Canada, Monopoly and Scrabble can be played on the same board, now that game marriage is legal.

The US porn industry is under threat from Canadian softwood.

Which business failure forced the Canadian duo to try their hand at a comedy routine? Their Wanin’ Shoestore!

Which wind blasts you like a blow to the face? The Chin-hook!

Why do Newfoundlanders have a hard time making payments? Because they have no more C.O.D.

The federal government is a joke – good thing there’s always room to improv.

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