OPHTHAL LOT OF NERVE

Dear Pun Gents, I am an optometry student and we are trying to make funny t-shirts. Do you have any optometry puns? ~Kacie, Bloomington, IN

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Ophthalmus Prime
  2. Cornea Slogan Here
  3. Eye heart (vitreous) humor
  4. Spare the rod, spoil the cone
  5. Lens be friends

[See more of our optometry puns]

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GENE SUMMONS

Dear Pun Gents, I’m looking for the name of a medical centre that includes the word gene. Thanks! ~Astrid, Brighton, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Medical Agenecy
  2. Home o’ Genius
  3. The Gene Store
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ROLLY POLLY

Dear Pun Gents, could you help me with a roller derby name as well? I like pirates, ninjas, and Japan. Whatcha think? ~Megan, Johns Island, SC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Booty Queen
  2. Galleon Gal
  3. Angelina Jolly (Roger)
  4. DoJo-anne
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GREYED EXPECTATIONS

Dear Pun Gents, something related to grey. ~Bob (long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. That’s so grey.
  2. Puns about shades are just greyed!
  3. The Greyed-full Dead should retire.
  4. Old folks home have greys before meals.
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RUST IN PEACE

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun for a title of my science project dealing with the rusting of a wheel. ~Miles, Cincinatti, OH

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. I never thought it would rust, but wheely I spoke too soon.
  2. Don’t let your wheels succumb to moisture. This is an oxidant waiting to happen.
  3. Is this about bikes? We’re two tired for this request.
  4. How re-tireded can you get?
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BLANK SLEIGHT (OF HAND)

Dear Pun Gents, anything magic related, playing cards etc. ~ Russ, London, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Want to see some killer tricks? Say abra cadaver.
  2. The rookie magician got it all wrong by poking out one of his own eyes. “But, ” he said, “That’s how I saw her in half.”
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I-SHOP

Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun about being a shopaholic. Thanks! ~Melissa, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (Long-time fan)

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. I used to spend too much money, but now, as Dylan sang, the times they are a change cha- ching.
  2. Every weekend I get malled.
  3. Shopping: I’m debt set against it.
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BACHELORETTES, OR BATCH OF HARLOTS?

Dear Pun Gents, I’m hosting a bachelorette party and I’d like to make name tags with slightly naughty fake pun names for the girls. I have a couple of examples: Carmen Geddit (Come and get it), Ima Teese (I’m a tease). I need 10 more if possible! ~Holly, New Orleans

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Katia Lukin
  2. Ida Ho
  3. Bea A. Slutsky
  4. Pussy Horlick
  5. Isla Jackoff
  6. JAime LeCoque [French!]
  7. Lou Kat Maya Melons
  8. Colonel Angus
  9. Anna Lingus
  10. Sheila Godown
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BE PRE PAREDY

Dear Pun Gents, a pun for a group of Cub Scouts going to day camp in the summer. The name of the camp is Camp Kiesel. ~Kent, Layton, UT

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Make sure to eat your lunch: it’s Kiesel fuel.
  2. Scouting is the best: it’s Akela experience
  3. Choosing your bunkmate is the most difficult part: It’s two in tents!
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HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOSTA

Dear Pun Gents, I need a kid-friendly pun on the composer’s name ‘Shostakovich’ ~Randal, Madison, WI

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

  1. Didn’t Bob Marley cover him in that reggae song, “I Shostakovich… (But I Didn’t Shoot the Dmitri)”?
  2. Didn’t he get arrested for slipper theft? You know, Shoes Take ovich?
  3. Russian businessmen listen to his music during Shostile Takeovers.
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