BROOM TAX?

Dear Pungents, I’m a tax lawyer putting together a team for a curling tournament at work. I need a team name that combines a “tax” theme with “curling”. Any suggestions? ~ Jay, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) The End-Rons (for four guys named ron) OR End-drawn Scandals
2) Fiscal and Sweepert
3) Frozen Assets
4) The Icy Taxticians
5) (Star Wars, Episode II:) A Tax of the Stones
6) The Broomocrats
7) Ministry of Fine Ends

8) (bonus:) When End-imals Attax!

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VICIOUS SPIN-CYCLE

Dear Pungents, I instruct a weekly spinning class and am in need of funny ways to motivate my cyclists to push themselves. I need to tell them to stop slacking – but in a nice way! ~ Alex, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “You wanna be strong like Popeye – get the spin-itch!

2) “You want results now, then you have to pay the price now, not later – this ain’t no credit card-io class!

3) “This isn’t easy – so get your ‘hard’ rate up!

4) “I’ll have to call you Pansy – those ain’t no flower pedals!

5) “Your connections won’t help you in my class – I’m immune to influence pedalling!”

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BABY BLOOM

Dear Pungents, we just had a baby and have received a ton of flowers with no place to put them. How do I get people to stop giving us flowers? ~ Rob, Kingston

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Now that I’m a father I see life has taken on a vased new meaning.”

2) “Perhaps you’ll stop sending flowers if I tell you it was an unplant pregnancy?”

3) “No need for flowers – our angel’s already cute as a botany.”

4) “Another bouquet? Leaf us alone! Water you doing? Soily, you must joking!”

5) “Babies? flowers? I feel daisied and confused!”

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