Craig from Toronto:
Dood#1: “See the girl with that tight shirt made of sealant? She shot me
down.”
Dood#2: “Pssh. Caulk tees.”
Craig says, “Watch out. Those chicks’ll give you Mono.”
(Rate This Pun)
Loading... (Rate This Pun)Loading...Month: June 2005
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado, ON:
From Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:
confound: The word a warden wants to hear after a jailbreak.
electron: Nancy Reagan’s plea to Americans before November, 1980.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Marc from Toronto:
Which composer was a crazy bike rider?
Psycho Liszt.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Here are the results from the ‘Astronomy’ session held in the Punpal forums!
Our gnuest topic is American Cities. You have til June 30 to post original puns on this exciting theme. Come back next week to see the jokes posted here in Punpals. Now join the forum and get punnin’!
Astronomy puns (vote for your faves in the comment box):
Pun Gent Pat:
According to the French, which planet is always late? Plus-tot!
How does a cowboy see in the dark? He uses a satellite.
When Newton was a young punk he discovered the Theory of Graffiti.
Loonar eclipse: when a large seabird blocks out the sun.
Calvin from Edmonton:
Being the brightest star in the night sky is no laughing matter. It’s Sirius!
Q. Which star is composed entirely of insect secretions?
A. Betelgeuse.
Everyone remembers the Ford Pinto and the spectacular fires that resulted when it was rear-ended. But that’s nothing compared to the Super Nova.
Andrew from Dugald:
Why did the astronomer have so much trouble with his twin boys going wild at the beach and getting sunburnt? They were a real perihelions!
My Mercury can run rings around your Saturn ! This may be somewhat Ionic.
Marc from Toronto:
Two gods are in a contest. If the winner gets a Galaxy, what does the loser get?
The Constellation Prize!
What do you call an old donkey that’s fallen in a mud puddle?
A saggy, tarry ass!
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Frank from Eldorado, ON:
Samples from Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:
geneology – study of Middle eastern mythological creatures, customarily found inprisoned in bottles.
oncology – course required for those who provide their services on call.
air assault – a system by which solid or liquid particles are dispersed in gaseous or fog-like form.
monumental – derogatory term used in Jamaica referring to one’s insufficient brain capabilities.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Calvin from Edmonton:
By the time I was 16 years old I was already wearing size 12 shoes. That’s no small feet.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Calvin from Edmonton:
By the time I was 16 years old I was already wearing size 12 shoes. That’s no small feet.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
I used to work on a sugar plantation, but I was fired because I was forever razing cane. Well, that, and I used to shovel sugar into my face with both hands…I guess I’m ambidextrose. At least I was jamaican a living!
Donald Trump announced today he is taking over Whirlpool Kitchen Appliances…he was quoted as saying: “I was really attracted to this company; I want to become the world’s largest fridge magnate.”
A daycare centre was over-run today when the kinders threatened the workers with dirty diapers….it was a veritable pooh de-tot.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...Andrew from Dugald:
I used to work on a sugar plantation, but I was fired because I was forever razing cane. Well, that, and I used to shovel sugar into my face with both hands…I guess I’m ambidextrose. At least I was jamaican a living!
Donald Trump announced today he is taking over Whirlpool Kitchen Appliances…he was quoted as saying: “I was really attracted to this company; I want to become the world’s largest fridge magnate.”
A daycare centre was over-run today when the kinders threatened the workers with dirty diapers….it was a veritable pooh de-tot.
(Rate This Pun)Loading...RETIRE SATIRE?
Dear Pungents, some retirement puns please: my wife is retiring as a receptionist from Livingston International after 16 years there and I am retiring from University of Toronto Schools as a history teacher after 5 years. ~John, Mississauga, Ontario
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
For wife –
1) “I’m not going to throw you a party – I figured the last thing you’d want is a reception.” (POW)
2) “Sixteen long years, and now finally you get to let all your frustrations pour out. That’s what happens with secretories.
3) “You always said it was like being locked in cave, there, at Live-in-stone.”
4) “After 16 years answering phones at a logistics and transportation company, I’m glad you’re telling them to go truck themselves.”
For husband –
5) “Teaching at University of Toronto schools was frustrating… I sometimes felt like kicking someone in the ‘UTS.”
6) “The job at UTS conflicted with my liberal beliefs; I couldn’t knuckle under to my principal’s conservatism any longer. After five years as his Tory teacher I just had to leave.”
7) “Me and that job are ancient history!”
8) “Hey I’m finally retired. What a dream – somebody pension (pinch) me!”
(1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)Loading...