Craig from Toronto:
Dood#1: “See the girl with that tight shirt made of sealant? She shot me
down.”
Dood#2: “Pssh. Caulk tees.”

Craig says, “Watch out. Those chicks’ll give you Mono.”

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There was an orphan boy who developed a peculiar phobia some time after his parents died: It seems the lad would go into absolute hysterics whenever he saw – get this – a group of musicians chewing fresh wintergreen sprigs!

Psychaitrists were called in, but to no avail: the docs could only explain the boy’s behaviour as a fear of a band on mint.

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Frank from Eldorado, ON:

From Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:

confound: The word a warden wants to hear after a jailbreak.
electron: Nancy Reagan’s plea to Americans before November, 1980.

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Here are the results from the ‘Astronomy’ session held in the Punpal forums!

Our gnuest topic is American Cities. You have til June 30 to post original puns on this exciting theme. Come back next week to see the jokes posted here in Punpals. Now join the forum and get punnin’!

Astronomy puns (vote for your faves in the comment box):

Pun Gent Pat:
According to the French, which planet is always late? Plus-tot!

How does a cowboy see in the dark? He uses a satellite.

When Newton was a young punk he discovered the Theory of Graffiti.

Loonar eclipse
: when a large seabird blocks out the sun.

Calvin from Edmonton:
Being the brightest star in the night sky is no laughing matter. It’s Sirius!

Q. Which star is composed entirely of insect secretions?
A. Betelgeuse.

Everyone remembers the Ford Pinto and the spectacular fires that resulted when it was rear-ended. But that’s nothing compared to the Super Nova.

Andrew from Dugald:
Why did the astronomer have so much trouble with his twin boys going wild at the beach and getting sunburnt? They were a real perihelions!

My Mercury can run rings around your Saturn ! This may be somewhat Ionic.


Marc from Toronto:
Two gods are in a contest. If the winner gets a Galaxy, what does the loser get?
The Constellation Prize!

What do you call an old donkey that’s fallen in a mud puddle?
A saggy, tarry ass!

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Frank from Eldorado, ON:

Samples from Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:

geneology – study of Middle eastern mythological creatures, customarily found inprisoned in bottles.
oncology – course required for those who provide their services on call.
air assault – a system by which solid or liquid particles are dispersed in gaseous or fog-like form.
monumental – derogatory term used in Jamaica referring to one’s insufficient brain capabilities.

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