Puns on Demand

Dear Pun Gents, I'm chairing a school charity auction with an ocean beach/seashore theme and need some good plays on word for written communications to parents/donors. ~D, Washington DC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Seas the day!
2. We are surfing the community.
3. Sand money now.
4. We'll be selling tide-dyed shirts

(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

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Dear Pun Gents, nine girls are moving into a college campus house and all the houses have short funny names that are painted on signs (eg: Tequila Mockingbird, etc.) We live on Beach street so anything with that, or nine girls or kites (our sorority symbol is a kite). Thanks!  ~Bonnie, Columbus, OH

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. 'Neuf Said [if you speak French]
2. Kite Club
3. Pledger Island

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Dear Pun Gents, our wedding save-the-date card is a film noir movie poster and we need a Gene Shalit-style punny one-liner about marriage as if it were a film review. ~Karen, Los Angeles

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. The Quick and the Wed
2. Starring 'May Weds'
3. Aisle be back.
4. Thrill bride of the summer!
5. Shake your bonboniere.

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Dear Pun Gents, My wife and I own a bar, which also includes a liquor store and casino. We need a cool pun for our new hats and t-shirts. ~Tom, Frenchtown, MT

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Your win-dough to the world.
2. Who’s up for some slotty behaviour?
3. Gamble on in!

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Dear Pun Gents, Something about popcorn, like "Look who's poppin' into 7th grade." Mix of school and popcorn. ~John, Houston

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Kernels of wisdom
2. You should be doing butter in school.
3. Be one of the pop-ular kids.

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Dear Pun Gents, I need a good name for a running relay team! ~Christine, Whitehorse, Yukon

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Save Our Soles
2. Batonomous Collective
3. Baton Rouge
4. Relay Fast

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Dear Pun Gents, I'm handing out crab mallets as favors for a bridal shower with a crab-cake recipe. Need a clean pun related to crab mallet, crabcakes, and marriage. ~Lauren, Lawrence, KS

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Mallet-adjusted behaviour
2. Pre-nuptial claws
3. Don't put up with any crab!
4. You can't be shellfish in marriage.

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Dear Pun Gents, I need a pun involving mobsters. ~Timothy, Mount Morris, NY

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Why did Tony kill his Amway supplier? The Soap ran out.
2. Mobster puns are the corleone-ist.
3. Movie about the death of a mobster: Don to Dust
4. Mobsters are pansies: they act so Sicily.
5. Mobster porn: Good Phallus.

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Dear Pun Gents, I have to do a best man speech for guy who is interested in model railways, loves Top Gun and eats loads of bacon – any decent ideas? ~Ed, Ripon, UK

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. She'll have him at her bacon call.
2. His fiance trained him well.
3. He's a railly lucky guy.
4. When I heard he was getting married I thought he had a loco motive.

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Dear Pun Gents, I need a saying for an alumni softball tournament t-shirt. I am from a small town and drinking is a hobby. The pun can be about softball, drinking, or both! ~Elise, Welsh

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1. Playing softball is a wasted opportunity
2. Play too much softball and, afterward, you'll spend all night hurling.
3. Why do pitchers scrath their balls on the mound? Because it's slope itch.

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