Puns on Demand

Dear Pungents, I need a pun for a charity leaflet to help under-nourished children in Malaysia. Something to do with vitamin C, chewable tablets, protein/carbohydrate deprivation, food scarcity and such. Thanks. ~Chen, Kuala Lampur, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) Make a donation and you’ll C the difference.
2) When we C malnourished children on the street, we invitamin for food!
3) The food shortages in Kuala Lampur are distressing. It’s scare city!
4) Vitamin tablets. Chews life.
5) Let’s take the ‘malady’ out of Malaysia.

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Dear Pungents, I’m putting on a school play and I need a better title than “The Pied Piper of Hamelin” – references to pipers, pipes, or rats would be marvelous! ~John, Sydney, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) One Flute Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
2) Ratman Begins – now on Piper-View (it’s a moused-see!)
3) The Verminator
4) Murder, She Rodent
5) The Pied Piper of Hamelin – a brilliant one-man plague

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Dear Pungents, a woman I work with does not pronounce the word ‘library’ properly. She says “lie-berry” as in, “If I do an interlieberry loan can I take the book out of the building?”. She’s in her late 20s, not kindergarten. It’s starting to freak me out. I’d like to correct her without sounding like little-miss-micro-manager-pants. ~Ainsley, Ottawa, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “I have to be honest with people when they make mistakes. I don’t lie berry well.”
2) “You know which country is most mispronounced? Liberia.”
3) “You know what my favourite fruit is? Strawbraries. I also like bluebraries.” [repeat for as many berries as there are]

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Dear Pungents, I am a podiatrist, I work with feet. I know the obvious ones, but if I have to put up with smelly feet, I’d like to inflict puns as revenge. Please help! ~Ali, Sydney, Australia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Man you got some stinky feet. What do I look like – a poodiatrist?”
2) “Take care of your feet. Don’t make me say I toe’d you so!”
3) “What’s stinkier than an union bun? A bunion pun.”
4) “I met a cute chick who had a nasty infection. I didn’t care though, she’s a fun gal.”
5) “Podiatry is ironic. Cuticles, for example, are ugly.”
6) “A toes, to podiatry! It puts foot on my table.”

(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

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Dear Pungents, a pun about Italian food please. ~Bluey, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Veni vidi, vino – I came, I saw, I drank.”
2) “Do Italians make dog food? Yes – kenneloni!”
3) “Which dish is most addictive? Smackaroni and cheese.”
4) “What’s the riskiest Italian recipe? Ricotta, with your pants down!”
5) “You shouldn’t eat turtleini – it’s endangered.”

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Dear Pungents, We need a name for our boat which includes a reference to our dog – a Labrador. We’re stuck, and “Lab-Oar of Love” doesn’t quite cut it. ~R.J., Lake Forest, Illinois

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Waves labbing up against the dog
2) A boatiful dog
3) A Boat a Dog
4) Labbing it up!
5) Labia of Love
6) The Lab Oaratory
7) Blabbermouth
8) Label Fish (like babel fish)

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Dear Pungents, a pun please about vacuum cleaners ~Dennis, Bozeman, Montana

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Do vacuum salesmen drive Hoovercrafts?”
2) “The wealthy owner of the septic-tank cleaning company ran a suck-cesspool operation.”
3) “Broken vacuum cleaners suffer from suck-ual frustration.”
4) “What’s a vacuum’s favourite author? Dustoyevsky.”
5) “Vacuum cleaner repairmen get so lonely. They’ve seen a lot of hose.”

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Dear Pungents, could I please get a pun about math? ~Derek, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “What happens when you put together two rolls of single-ply toilet tissue? They multi-ply.”

2) “Which mathematician liked bearskin rugs? Fermat.”

3) “Before Leibniz and Newton, mathematicians were racist. There was no integration.” (play on words)

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Dear Pungents, I need a roller-derby name; please refer here for examples. Everything I come up with is already taken, but I will give you due credit: this is your chance to play a part in roller-derby history! Check my website to get an idea of things I’m into – and come up with a tailor-made derby-name for me! ~Liz, St. Louis, Missouri

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) Skatanica
2) AGotha (Anti)Christie
3) Art Skull (with umlaut above the u)
4) Bang Her Management
5) ELiza, I Make you Cryza
6) Genital CRashes
7) Queen Cobrassiere
8) The MuSicilian Mafia

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Dear Pungents, I participate in a group involved in currency tracking and would like some puns related to banknotes. Love your site, and I think if anyone can come up with some funny money puns, it’s the Gents! ~Jocelyn, Vancouver, BC

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Currency puns tend to be real kroners.”
2) “Scientists are still working on the origins of the Big Bank.”
3) “If coin-collecting is numismatics, is banknote-collecting Loomismatics?”
4) “Can I offer you some paper mint T…bills?”
5) “Did you ever know that you’re my euro?…”
6) “Why are there problems with counterfeiting of large bills? If the bills are so large, they shouldn’t fit on counters!”

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