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01/23/201006/22/2005

Here are the results from the ‘Astronomy’ session held in the Punpal forums!

Our gnuest topic is American Cities. You have til June 30 to post original puns on this exciting theme. Come back next week to see the jokes posted here in Punpals. Now join the forum and get punnin’!

Astronomy puns (vote for your faves in the comment box):

Pun Gent Pat:
According to the French, which planet is always late? Plus-tot!

How does a cowboy see in the dark? He uses a satellite.

When Newton was a young punk he discovered the Theory of Graffiti.

Loonar eclipse: when a large seabird blocks out the sun.

Calvin from Edmonton:
Being the brightest star in the night sky is no laughing matter. It’s Sirius!

Q. Which star is composed entirely of insect secretions?
A. Betelgeuse.

Everyone remembers the Ford Pinto and the spectacular fires that resulted when it was rear-ended. But that’s nothing compared to the Super Nova.

Andrew from Dugald:
Why did the astronomer have so much trouble with his twin boys going wild at the beach and getting sunburnt? They were a real perihelions!

My Mercury can run rings around your Saturn ! This may be somewhat Ionic.

Marc from Toronto:
Two gods are in a contest. If the winner gets a Galaxy, what does the loser get?
The Constellation Prize!

What do you call an old donkey that’s fallen in a mud puddle?
A saggy, tarry ass!

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01/23/201006/22/2005

Frank from Eldorado, ON:

Samples from Frank’s New and Improved Dictionary:

geneology – study of Middle eastern mythological creatures, customarily found inprisoned in bottles.
oncology – course required for those who provide their services on call.
air assault – a system by which solid or liquid particles are dispersed in gaseous or fog-like form.
monumental – derogatory term used in Jamaica referring to one’s insufficient brain capabilities.

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01/23/201006/20/2005

Calvin from Edmonton:
By the time I was 16 years old I was already wearing size 12 shoes. That’s no small feet.

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01/23/201006/20/2005

Calvin from Edmonton:
By the time I was 16 years old I was already wearing size 12 shoes. That’s no small feet.

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01/23/201006/20/2005

Andrew from Dugald:
I used to work on a sugar plantation, but I was fired because I was forever razing cane. Well, that, and I used to shovel sugar into my face with both hands…I guess I’m ambidextrose. At least I was jamaican a living!

Donald Trump announced today he is taking over Whirlpool Kitchen Appliances…he was quoted as saying: “I was really attracted to this company; I want to become the world’s largest fridge magnate.”

A daycare centre was over-run today when the kinders threatened the workers with dirty diapers….it was a veritable pooh de-tot.

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01/23/201006/20/2005

A daycare centre was over-run today when the kinders threatened the workers with dirty diapers….it was a veritable pooh de-tot.

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01/23/201006/17/2005

CT from Toronto:
Tammy: Why are those two french guys watching the plumber fix the pump?
Sammy: They are waiting for good eau.

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01/23/201006/17/2005

CT from Toronto:
Tammy: Why are those two french guys watching the plumber fix the pump?
Sammy: They are waiting for good eau.

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01/23/201006/16/2005

Frank from Eldorado:
“For those of us who are old enough to remember, there was a news item in all the papers in 1963, which was seriously misspelled, but being polite and politically correct, nobody bothered to bring attention to it. We know how it read. However, after correcting the spelling errors, it should have read like this:

“Betty Friedan’s new book ‘The Feminine Mistake’ is of hysterical significance.”

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01/23/201006/16/2005

“Betty Friedan’s new book ‘The Feminine Mistake’ is of hysterical significance.”

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