NICKELBACTERIA

Dear Pungents, can you think of one that somehow integrates Nickelback and how much they suck? P.S. it has to be extra witty. ~Jamie, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Nickelback offends all five centses.”
2) “They should have called the song Fyodor on the Floor – b/c it’s a crime and punishment.”
3) “What made me stop listening to Nickelback? All the right reasons.”
4) “The only reason I don’t plant my fist in Chad Kroeger’s face, is that I’d want my knuckles back.
5) Feces how you remind me of what I really am…”

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Andrew from Dugald:
What day do Scottish doctors celebrate the most when they change fire victims dressings?
Wrappy Burns Day!

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Sean from Boston:
How did Pete Townsend know Roger Daltry farted?
Who nose
?

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Andrew from Dugald:
I just got back from seeing this great new movie from Disney. Its all about a group of thieving brigands that steal a cargo of chocolate substitute, headed from Bermuda to England. Its called Pirates of the Carob Bean.

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JAZZICAL?

Dear Pungents, I need a pun with the words jazz and classical music, something like ‘he’s a jazzical artist’, meaning he plays classical and jazz and also rocks. Thanks. ~Arax, Yerevan, Armenia

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Mozzart. Strauzz. Debuzzy: Classical, meet jazz: “
2) “Top of the clazz.”
3) “Jazz + classical: kickassical.”
4) “Choral jazz chanting: the Thelonius Monks?”

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Andrew from Dugald:
When the government shut down the East Coast fishery after scientists claimed the fish stocks were depleted, many people considered it a fled herring.

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Andrew from Dugald:
Did ye no hear o’ the scotsman who always lived in the shadow of his elder brother, the famous arctic explorer and master igloo builder? He joined an Eskimo tribe and built his own snow shelter in the hopes of o’ercoming his feelings o’ Ian-‘ad his Quincey.

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Andrew from Dugald:
What did the wife of the ancient greek writer say when she found he had torn his manuscript to shreds?
Why Euripides?”

When the detective found another Athenian sailor dead in the water, struck down by his own paddle, he was quick to realize it was another Greek Oar-a-Kill.

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MAID TO ORDER

Dear Pungents, a pun on maids as live-in helpers. Thanks. ~Angel, Singapore

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
1) “A live-in housekeeper should be quiet. In fact she ought to be anannymous.
2) “Live-in housemaids should never talk back. No ifs ands or butlers.”
3) “For lazy aristocratic existentialists like Sartre, Help is other people.”
4) “I like having a live in maid. Help aupairs whenever I need it.”
5) “Mafia types always have housekeepers. Because they’re maid men.”

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