PLUCKY CANUCK

(*warning* – the following Pun on Demand contains adult situations and innuendo)

Dear Pungents: How about a pun for a Canadian kid living in the States who just doesn’t get any respect? He’s constantly getting teased for his odd Canadian accent and for those floppy-headed characters from South Park, Terrence and Philip. ~ Christopolous Briggadopolous, East Greenbush, New York

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Won’t shut up? Well how’s this for deTerrence: I’ll Philip your ‘eh’-hole with a canuckle sandwich!”

2) “You know, I spend a lot of time with my Dick Cheney-saw, hacking at the Bush on the way to your sister’s Clintonoris… As a Canadian, I spend a lot of time in her Regina!”

3) “Cut the bull, or al gore you!”

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TAN GENTS?

Dear Pungents: It’s my mom’s birthday next week while she’s on holiday in St Lucia, and I need something punny to wish her a sun-sational time! ~ Claire, Belleville, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “I would go with you mom, but when it comes to me and St. Lucia – it’s Caribbean there, done that!

2) “The nightlife is crazy there – It’s sane-lose-ya!”

3) “I hope the weather’s just luciaous!”

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CONAN THE GRAMMARIAN

I teach five classes of sometimes bright, sometimes not, grade seven and eight students. What’s a pun I can use to subdue the questions I get during grammar lessons? Something like “I’ll take ‘noun’ of your questions at this time,” or “Would you repeat that again ‘verb’-atim?” But something with a stronger wit. ~ Marissa, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “You think I’m a witch for teaching this stuff? We haven’t even hit the hag-jectives yet!”

2) “Lucky you’re not in Catholic school – the priests make you study in the pray-position!”

3) “No grammar homework tonight – what a happy pronoun-cement!”

4) “What should a subject never say to a judge? ‘I – Object!‘”

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SURVIVAL OF THE WITTEST

I need a pun revolving around a legal education coupled to a genetics education. I leave the rest up to you. ~ Top Dog, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “If Darwin had to sign a waiver before shipping off on his genetics voyage, would you said it was because he was on allelegal Beagle?”

2) “Do students in the Galapagos study tortoise law?”

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PAWS FOR THOUGHT

My boyfriend and I just bought two kittens who sometimes tear around our house at night and are a little noisy. Our parents are visiting this weekend, and I need a response to any kitten complaints that might come our way…. ~ Rebecca, Kingston, Ontario

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “They’re noisy because they’re feline good!”

2) “I could feed them cat-a-tonic, but it knocks them out!”

3) “Cat you ignore the noise?”

4) “Relax – they’re just kitten around!”

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HOST BOAST

I have a challenge for the punsters. Web Hosting, make that funny. Is it possible? ~ Sarah, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “How do priests make changes to their websites?
They use alter servers.

2) “Why is it frustrating to update the frequently asked questions part of your site?
Because all you get is a big FAQ-queue!”

3) “What markup language did Prince Harry use to send out invites for his costume party?
See SS!”

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