OPTICAL EFFUSION

Dear Pungents, I need a pun about an optical education. ~ Ian, Edmonton, Alberta

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Which drugs do ophthalmalogists smoke? Myopium!”

2) “Optometry students need to be devoted, much like the Catholic saints. Are you too willing to experience a stigmata-ism?”

3) “Who could snag rebounds, even in the dark? Dennis Rod-man!”

4) “I thought I was doing well at optometry, but I got a see on my exam!”

5) “How do Wiccan opticians get rid of insect infestations? Perform a see ants!”

6) “Becoming a hawkulist is nothing to spit at.”

7) “Studying optometry lens itself to a good career; that’s no eye-dle spec-ulation!”

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HAT STUFF

Dear Pungents, I read a fab article about you in the National Post. I work for an accounting firm and I need a funny phrase about the new advisory group serving our North York office. They’ll work with the many different industry groups; we’re giving them a hat because they’ll be ‘wearing many hats’ in their role. Can you think of a good phrase to put on the hats? Thanks so much! ~Lisa, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Advisory groups – the multi-hatted hydra of accounting”

2) “More than just beanie-counting

3) “From fedora-l revenue agents to fez-cal (fiscal) experts – they all toque (talk) to us!”

4) “Work harder or I’ll cap yo ass!”

5) “I work with 3 industry groups – it’s a hat-trick!””

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Doug from San Juan, California:
1) I have a cat with a strange illness. Whenever it sees a rug, it tries to burrow under it, madly chasing an invisible prey. What is the name of its disease ?????
Carpet Tunnel Syndrome!

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E-MERCH-GENCY REQUEST

Dear Pungents, I’m thinking of buying some Pungents merch, but I’m not sure if I should buy the large or the extra-large t-shirt. Can ya help a brother out with a little zinger to help me make my decision? ~Cristobal, Little Portugal, Toronto

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) “Well, if it were tree-shirt sizes, I’d tell you to get extra-larch.”

2) “If you were psychic, you’d know you’d need a medium.” [technically not a pun – alternately, “If you were a hungry carnivore, you’d know you’d need meaty-yum.”]

3) “Which size? Anyone who nose the Pungents should get smell.”

4) “Whatever size you pick, be very careful after placing your order – You don’t want to be known as the guy who buys merch and dies.”

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Brigg from East Greenbush, NY:
Why is Brigg worried about his latest submission?
Because it could be an accident waiting to hap-pun.

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NOVEL IDEAS

Dear Pungents, I need a witty, yet still professional-sounding team name for a group of four writers. Can you help? ~Liz, Alberta

AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:

1) The Writers’ Bloc

2) The Author Side of the Fence

3) The Calligraphy Crew – Vials and Scribulations

4) Four Versemen of the Apocalypse

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